Yoga
by Satina and Shannon
Date First Posted: 3/21/05Revised Posting: 8/30/07
During my hiatus from the fandom, I revised some of our old stories. This is a revised version of the original story, and much more in character, I hope.
Rating: NC-17 * Pairing: M/K
Archive Permissions: Freely given, but please use HTML format to preserve the IM quality.
Disclaimers: Mulder and Krycek are not my characters. They belong to Fox and Chris Carter.
Warnings: None.
Feedback Welcomed HERE.
Return to The M/K Shrine
Summary: This takes place one year after Existence. After Scully gave birth, she and Mulder faked their own deaths and went on the run. They got married and are living incognito in the suburbs. Mulder believes Krycek is dead, due to the events in the parking garage. Krycek believes Mulder is dead due to a faked car bomb explosion. Mulder is desperately unhappy living a life he was never meant for and is drinking himself into an early grave, living in his home office and engaging in cybersex with women over the Internet for solace. One lonely night, he goes trolling for cybersex in a different part of 'cybertown'. He gets a proposition and decides to accept it. He has absolutely no idea it's Alex Krycek, and Krycek has no idea it's him.
imtightnslick is Krycek
trixxx4kixxx is Mulder
According to http://www.dailyreadings.com/hatha-1.htm :
...Yoga is the unity, or the harmony, or the oneness, that exists already. ...If we avoid placing emphasis on what appears to be the dissimilarities, we won't have to battle to become one. We can look for the harmony instead of trying to reject the disharmony which doesn't even exist...
And so it begins...
imtightnslick: Hey.
trixxx4kixxx: Hi.
imtightnslick: Saw your profile. Thought I'd see if you were available.
imtightnslick: Are you?
imtightnslick: Available?
trixxx4kixxx: Sure.
imtightnslick: Great.
imtightnslick: So. What are you into?
trixxx4kixxx: Im flexible I guess. What are you into?
imtightnslick: You.
imtightnslick: What gets you hot?
trixxx4kixxx: getting sucked
imtightnslick: Nice. Is that what you want? For me to suck your cock?
trixxx4kixxx: Do youu like it?
imtightnslick: Yeah. I like it, trix.
imtightnslick: How big are you?
trixxx4kixxx: About nine.,
imtightnslick: Well, you're certainly not fooling around.
trixxx4kixxx: So what doyou look like?
imtightnslick: Go check out my profile. If you wanna know.
trixxx4kixxx: Okay. hang on?
trixxx4kixxx: Okay. Sounds good.
trixxx4kixxx: Wer'e the same height. Well you're an inch taller.
imtightnslick: Yeah, I noticed you were tall. I like that.
imtightnslick: So... How do you want me?
trixxx4kixxx: On your knees?
trixxx4kixxx: Take meout and kiss it.
imtightnslick: Kiss it?
trixxx4kixxx: is that okay?
imtightnslick: Have you ever cybered before, trix?
trixxx4kixxx: Yes.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm sorry. Why dontyou do it? I mean, tell me what you want.
imtightnslick: All right. I can do that.
imtightnslick: I want you to unleash that fuckpole of yours and play the end around my lips. Get them juiced with your pre-cum.
imtightnslick: Can you do that, trix?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah I cn slick up your mouth with my juice.
imtightnslick: Good. So, take your fat dick in your hand and wave it in my face. Make me try to chase it down. Get that dick-drool all over me.
trixxx4kixxx: It's not really fat.
trixxx4kixxx: Its about average, I guess. around I mean.
trixxx4kixxx: but if you need to pretend it's fat that's okay if thats what you need.
imtightnslick: No, I just need it in my mouth. Do you think you can handle that?
trixxx4kixxx: God. I''m sorry. I really suck at this. and not in a good way, like you. ha
imtightnslick: Don't be sorry. Look, it's all right. Do you want to try again? Something else?
trixxx4kixxx: I don'tthink so. This was a really stupid idea. I'm reallysorry.
imtightnslick: Are you sure you've cybered? It's okay if this is your first time. I'd do it totally different, you know.
trixxx4kixxx: Well... it's my first with a guy.
imtightnslick: Oh. I see. So you're straight?
trixxx4kixxx: I dont know.
imtightnslick: That's all right. You don't have to know.
trixxx4kixxx: I've only done this with women. They don't do it ilke this. Theres usually tlaking for awhile and flirrting and stuff first.
imtightnslick: You picked a helluva chat to try out for your first time. They deal a lot in kink and BDSM and raunch around here. Did you get lost?
trixxx4kixxx: No I'm just curious, I guess. I mean Ive lurked there several times now.
imtightnslick: Do you like what you see?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, it's interesting...
trixxx4kixxx: Fuck. Listen.
trixxx4kixxx: I've had toomuch to drink and I'm not even sure I can get itup tonight.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm sorr to bother you. You're really good. really. it's not you.
imtightnslick: Thanks. And you're not bothering me. If you want, we could just talk for a while. I'm really not set on a big scene. You're the hottest thing in the room anyway. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: Thanks.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm sure I'm not what you came looking forr tonight though.
trixxx4kixxx: I can get off on gay stuffsometimes.
imtightnslick: Well, that's a start.
trixxx4kixxx: I usually just waatch the guys in the chatroom.
trixxx4kixxx: By usally I mean Always.
imtightnslick: Well, maybe we can talk for a while, and then if you're into it I could just jack off for you, and if you like it, you can do yourself, and you won't even have to tell me.
trixxx4kixxx: Okay.
imtightnslick: All right.
trixxx4kixxx: So you're gay then?
imtightnslick: Yes. I'm gay.
imtightnslick: So when did you first realize you didn't know if you were straight?
trixxx4kixxx: You sound like a psychologist.
imtightnslick: Well, I'm not.
trixxx4kixxx: Good. don't think I could take a headshrinkign right now. Okay, to answe ryour question, I don't know. I mean, I know i'm not totally gay, but I'm not really happy, either.
trixxx4kixxx: Ha. gay. happy.
imtightnslick: So why aren't you happy, trix?
trixxx4kixxx: I made amistake.
trixxx4kixxx: Okay, promise, no more to drink tonight.
imtightnslick: It's okay. I understand. You're still legible.
imtightnslick: What are you drinking?
trixxx4kixxx: Scotch.
imtightnslick: How long have you been unhappy?
trixxx4kixxx: my whole life?
trixxx4kixxx: Sorry.
trixxx4kixxx: The mistake was about a year ago now.
trixxx4kixxx: The aanniversary is next onth.
trixxx4kixxx: I mean month.
imtightnslick: So. You're married then?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: You?
trixxx4kixxx: oh. stupid. sorry.
trixxx4kixxx: Well, unless you have a guy.
trixxx4kixxx: I'll shut up now.
imtightnslick: It's okay. No, I'm not seeing anyone. Not married.
imtightnslick: It's okay that you are. I don't mind. And I won't tell.
trixxx4kixxx: thanks.
imtightnslick: So what made you pick me?
trixxx4kixxx: You mean say yes?
trixxx4kixxx: or...hi,anyway?
imtightnslick: What made you decide to take the plunge with me, trix?
trixxx4kixxx: Frankly, the others scared the hell out of me.
imtightnslick: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: I've kinda...watched you. flirt I guess you could call it. in chats.
imtightnslick: Oh yeah?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah. it turned me on.
imtightnslick: I'm glad.
imtightnslick: Did I scare you tonight?
trixxx4kixxx: No, not exactly.
trixxx4kixxx: I mean, it was good. different, but good.
trixxx4kixxx: I just didn't know what to say.
trixxx4kixxx: because I SUCK.
imtightnslick: LOL! No. You don't. You're nervous. That's okay. That can be...sexy.
trixxx4kixxx: ha. sexy. yeah, that's me.
imtightnslick: I think you're veyr sexy.
trixxx4kixxx: are you trying to make me feel better with your typo?
trixxx4kixxx: '=)
imtightnslick: ?
trixxx4kixxx: fuck. I meant ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: why are you still here with me?
imtightnslick: I like you. I don't know. Maybe it's the thrill of seducing a virgin. Lotta guys would be turned off. But I'm not.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm really not usually this big of a pathetic loser. I'm really an interesting person.
trixxx4kixxx: Or I used to be.
imtightnslick: I'm interested.
trixxx4kixxx: in my cock. ;-)
imtightnslick: Well, sure.
imtightnslick: But you're cute, too. Or something. I'm not sure what it is.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL no one is, buddy.
trixxx4kixxx: Can I call you something besides imtightnslick? That's alot of typing and I'm tyring to sober up but if I could just use a name...
imtightnslick: I don't usually give my name out in here. But I like you. It's Alex.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh. wow. really?
trixxx4kixxx: I mean, thanks.
imtightnslick: Is that like your brother's name or something?
trixxx4kixxx: No, I don't have a brother.
imtightnslick: All right. So, trix, what's wrong with your marriage?
trixxx4kixxx: what's right with it?
imtightnslick: That bad?
trixxx4kixxx: Pretty much.
trixxx4kixxx: and before you think you know, it's not that I'm a gay man stuck in a straight marriage or something.
imtightnslick: I believe you. But why *aren't* you in a het room looking for women to do this with?
trixxx4kixxx: Hasn't been workign lately.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm just bored I guess.
trixxx4kixxx: wait.
trixxx4kixxx: that came out wrong. does that make you feel used? that's not what i meant.
imtightnslick: LOL! Trix, you're *supposed* to make me feel used.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
trixxx4kixxx: well then. my work is done.
trixxx4kixxx: ;-)
imtightnslick: Except I'm not done with you using me yet.
trixxx4kixxx: I'll try harder.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm drinking coffee now.
imtightnslick: That's probably good. Maybe you're not bored with the room with the chicks in it, trix. It could be just the booze. Too much and *my* dick won't salute.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I'm sure it doesn't help.
imtightnslick: It's hard to stay sober when your life is turning to shit. But maybe if it would help you get pussy...
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
trixxx4kixxx: It's not about getting it. I can get it. I just can't do anything with it. or just...don't want to anymore.
imtightnslick: You mean in the cybers?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah.
imtightnslick: You've got a nice profile -- tall, swimmer's build, dark hair -- I don't imagine you have to knock them out and drag them home by the hair. Not in here either for that matter. Do you get come onto a lot?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah.
imtightnslick: So are you lying? Or is that really you?
trixxx4kixxx: That's really me. Although I haven't worked out in several months now.
imtightnslick: That's not a problem. I'm no gym bunny.
trixxx4kixxx: Gym bunny?
imtightnslick: Gay guys who cruise at gyms or just obsess about going to the gym. There are a lot of men obsessed with having perfect bodies out there.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh, okay.
imtightnslick: So. How about that cock?
trixxx4kixxx: You wanna cyber now?
imtightnslick: Not yet. Keep your pants on, trix. I just wanna know if it's really nine iches.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh. Jesus. I'm such a dweeb. Yeah, it really is.
imtightnslick: You're not a dweeb.
imtightnslick: It's a good thing it's *not* fat if it's really that long. I want to be able to take it all.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, all the stupid macho hype aside, turns out I'm too big.
trixxx4kixxx: One of our first problems.
imtightnslick: That is a lot to take. For anyone.
trixxx4kixxx: She's really small. I was always hurting her.
imtightnslick: Your wife, I'm assuming.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: God, I HATE that word.
imtightnslick: Sorry.
trixxx4kixxx: It's okay. She is. My fault, not yours.
imtightnslick: So have you ever had a 'real' affair?
trixxx4kixxx: No.
imtightnslick: Ever thought about it?
trixxx4kixxx: No.
trixxx4kixxx: I need to get a life, not just get laid.
imtightnslick: You don't have a life, trix?
trixxx4kixxx: Not really.
trixxx4kixxx: Fuck, I sound like a pouty brat.
imtightnslick: Don't worry about it.
trixxx4kixxx: I thought I'd like the peace. Security. Love. Steady sex.
trixxx4kixxx: And I do love her.
trixxx4kixxx: But now...sometimes I stare at my gun, Alex.
imtightnslick: You have a gun?
trixxx4kixxx: yeah.
imtightnslick: Look. I'm not one to interfere when it comes down to that. Who am I to say you don't really want out? But maybe you could do less lookin' at that gun and a little more unloading on me. I really wouldn't mind. If it would help.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't get why you're still talking to me, Alex. I'm a total downer.
trixxx4kixxx: I wasn't always.
trixxx4kixxx: I mean, I was never exactly popular, but *I* was happy with my life.
trixxx4kixxx: Didn't give a shit if they liked me.
imtightnslick: All right, a) You're not bringing me down. b) You're far more interesting than the rest of these apes who just want a place to deposit their dicks for two minutes...
imtightnslick: and c) I might still get a fuck out of you. (Hey, can't be too chivalrous.)
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
imtightnslick: And if you like it, you can come back and see me instead of blowing your brains out.
trixxx4kixxx: If I like the fuck?
imtightnslick: The fuck, the conversation, the ambiance... I'm the whole package, trix.
trixxx4kixxx: You have a nice package, Alex. ;-)
imtightnslick: And you haven't even seen it yet. How do *you* know? ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: I mean the whole package.
imtightnslick: You're sweet.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh I'm SO not.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm a selfish, arrogant jackass.
imtightnslick: Of course you are.
trixxx4kixxx: Whaddya mean?
imtightnslick: Nothing. Old flame, so to speak. Long gone.
imtightnslick: So. You're not sweet. You gonna be my big brutal Top then?
trixxx4kixxx: I don't know about that...
imtightnslick: Do you want to learn?
trixxx4kixxx: For now, I like this. I mean, I'm not ruling it out, it's just...nice to have someone to talk to.
imtightnslick: Keep talking. Hand off cock, now.
trixxx4kixxx: Well, you can put it on there, I don't mind.
imtightnslick: Maybe later.
trixxx4kixxx: Okay, listen, I know you didn't come on here looking for conversation, Alex. If you want, you can go cyber with somebody and...you know, get your rocks off. I'll stay on and you can always talk to me after if that still holds any appeal for you at all.
imtightnslick: Don't want to. What's your spouse doing right now that you can be on here with the likes of me?
trixxx4kixxx: Sleeping.
imtightnslick: So you snuck out to get online?
trixxx4kixxx: I haven't slept in there in months.
imtightnslick: Where *do* you sleep?
trixxx4kixxx: Couch. In my office.
imtightnslick: Oh. Yeah?
trixxx4kixxx: Home office, yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: I like it better than that damned $3000 bed, anyway.
imtightnslick: She doesn't try to get you to sleep with her?
trixxx4kixxx: Hell no.
trixxx4kixxx: I never really did sleep in there.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't sleep a lot. And when I do, it's weird hours.
trixxx4kixxx: She's in by ten, up by six.
imtightnslick: So...you said you were married when?
trixxx4kixxx: A year ago next month.
imtightnslick: Really.
imtightnslick: What's your name, trix? If you don't mind me asking.
trixxx4kixxx: You can call me Brad.
trixxx4kixxx: That yuppy enough for ya?
imtightnslick: Brad? Really? Yeah, that...doesn't fit you at all.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL, no it sure as hell doesn't.
imtightnslick: So that's *not* your name. Just what you're going to tell me I can call you.
trixxx4kixxx: Sorry.
trixxx4kixxx: Nothing personal.
imtightnslick: It's okay. But if it's all the same to you, I just can't call you that. I'll stick with trix. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: I don't blame you.
imtightnslick: So you've only been married a year, but it's gone that far downhill? Was it ever good?
trixxx4kixxx: What's good?
imtightnslick: I guess for me good is, fantastic sex. Maybe shared breakfast. Some laughs. Some talking.
imtightnslick: I don't know what you people like. Walks on moon-lit paths, diamond earrings, and running in slow motion?
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
trixxx4kixxx: Oh man. Well. The sex was *never* fantastic. She is disgusted by what I eat for breakfast. She thinks my humor is childish and crude. And we've always been better at arguing than talking.
trixxx4kixxx: And she wears pearls, not diamonds.
trixxx4kixxx: And I run fast. ;-)
imtightnslick: Well, first of all, what do you eat for breakfast?
trixxx4kixxx: When I get what I want...cold pizza, leftover cheeseburgers, cocoa puffs, orange juice...I guess those are my favorites.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh, cold Chinese food. Most definitely.
trixxx4kixxx: When it's all gummy and shit....yeah.
imtightnslick: LOL! Well, I guess the gummy is a little disgusting, but if it's salty, I'll dive in. Sure, why not?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, it's salty. Just sit in front of the TV and reach into that carton with my fingers...wipe 'em off on my jeans...those were the days.
imtightnslick: Mushu Pork. Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: Almond Chicken.
imtightnslick: Hell, if it's a divorce you don't want, just stay married, cyber with me, and then we can eat cold Chinese before you slip into bed at 4 in the morning. ;-) Oh wait. Sorry. You're on the couch anyway.
trixxx4kixxx: Actually, I have a plan.
imtightnslick: I like a man with a plan. Go on.
trixxx4kixxx: My ex-boss is sniffing around. If I just lay low, he'll make his move, then I can wish them well and walk out a free man.
imtightnslick: Your ex-boss is after your wife??
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah. I can tell he wants her.
trixxx4kixxx: Thank God.
trixxx4kixxx: I just wish he wasn't so damned chivalrous.
trixxx4kixxx: Unlike you. ;-)
imtightnslick: Does she want him, too? Have you ever just...brought it up? If it would make you both happier...
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, she wants him. But it's not like that. I can't just...pass her on, like property.
imtightnslick: I meant, give her a chance to pass on you. No offense. *I* wouldn't pass on you. You're a little hottie.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL! I've never been called that!
imtightnslick: I've never called anybody that.
trixxx4kixxx: Alex, you don't have to say shit like that. I like you. And I'm willing to cyber with you. Just...be real with me. Okay?
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
imtightnslick: I can honestly say I've never used the phrase 'little hottie' with anyone. It's not even something I can hear myself saying in my head.
trixxx4kixxx: Okay. Thanks.
trixxx4kixxx: Wouldn't work anyway, you know. Calling me 'little hottie' is not gonna get me in the sack. ;-)
imtightnslick: What is?
trixxx4kixxx: You are. If you'll just be a little PATIENT, Alex. ;-)
imtightnslick: Patience isn't my strong suit. This *is* patient.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL...All right, you're right. I guess it is. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: Okay then, keep pounding away at me. I can take it.
imtightnslick: All right. :-)
imtightnslick: What are you wearing?
trixxx4kixxx: Is this where I lie, or do you really wanna know?
imtightnslick: I really wanna know.
trixxx4kixxx: Don't say I didn't warn you.
imtightnslick: You're not in a clown suit over there or something, are you?
trixxx4kixxx: LOL! No, nothing that sick.
trixxx4kixxx: Just an old, loose pair of dark grey sweats and a ratty white T-shirt.
imtightnslick: Nice.
imtightnslick: How loose? How ratty?
trixxx4kixxx: Very loose. Draw string type. T-shirt has Moo Goo Gai Pan stains on the belly and a hole in one shoulder.
trixxx4kixxx: That do it for ya?
imtightnslick: More than you probably want to know.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL Hey, go for it. Happy to help.
trixxx4kixxx: I can describe the smell if you want...LOL
imtightnslick: Now you're catching on.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
imtightnslick: I mean it. Tell me.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh. Okay, why not?
trixxx4kixxx: I've been in them for three days and this is the third night, so we're talking crotch funk and stinky pits.
imtightnslick: Oooohhhhyeah
trixxx4kixxx: You're one sick little puppy.
trixxx4kixxx: Thanks for the laughs, Alex. I don't think my...shit, I just can't type that word again. Okay, I don't think my partner's ever heard laughter come from my room before.
imtightnslick: Are you waking her up?
trixxx4kixxx: Doubt it. My office is in the basement, and she takes Xanax to help her relax.
imtightnslick: And you drink.
trixxx4kixxx: Just your typical American Dream, yeah.
imtightnslick: Do you wanna ask me what I'm wearing, trix? Or would that do absolutely nothing for you?
trixxx4kixxx: Well, I guess I'm curious, so sure.
imtightnslick: Really, really worn blue jeans. Hole in the ass...right side...bottom curve of my ass peeking out...
imtightnslick: Tight, white T-shirt. Bare feet. No underwear. Jeans already open. Dick laying half-hard out the fly along my hip.
trixxx4kixxx: Really?
imtightnslick: Yep.
trixxx4kixxx: That's...kinda hot.
imtightnslick: Glad you think so.
imtightnslick: Do you mind if I stroke it a little while we talk now?
trixxx4kixxx: Uh no, go for it.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm not wearing underwear either. Or socks.
imtightnslick: Goddamn. Is your cock soft? It's okay if it is.
trixxx4kixxx: Mostly. It was.
imtightnslick: How about you just ease those sweats down so your pubes stick out? You okay with just that, trix?
trixxx4kixxx: Sure. I'll just loosen up the tie and they'll fall down my hips on their own.
imtightnslick: Good. That'll work. So... I'm just gonna lay my hand on mine. Just hold it for now. Okay?
trixxx4kixxx: Okay.
imtightnslick: Good. All right.
imtightnslick: So you ever rent a gay porno?
trixxx4kixxx: No, but I go to the sites sometimes.
imtightnslick: Oh yeah? Do you have a favorite thing to watch or look at?
trixxx4kixxx: I like the finger fucking.
imtightnslick: So you like those close-up shots of some guy's finger thrusting inside a red, wet asshole?
trixxx4kixxx: I like the tight, pink assholes, actually. The red ones scare me. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: I guess the tight, pink ones seem like virgins. The others I can't really relate to.
imtightnslick: Pink's good. Do you like to see one opened up, though? Worked open?
trixxx4kixxx: I like it when the finger's first going in. The first penetration.
trixxx4kixxx: The sounds of that, if the scene's good. The penetrate-ee's reaction.
trixxx4kixxx: I hate the ones that seem bored or like they don't even notice someone's finger just slipped up their ass.
imtightnslick: Yeah. Me, either. I like some noise. From their mouths and from the hole itself. I like a good, wet assfuck.
imtightnslick: Do you ever play with your own?
trixxx4kixxx: Ass? I have, yeah.
imtightnslick: Do you like it?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah.
imtightnslick: Do you want me to play with mine?
trixxx4kixxx: If you can still type. ;-)
imtightnslick: canstilltypesure
trixxx4kixxx: Heh. Okay then.
imtightnslick: Am I freaking you out, trix? I don't want to push you too far.
trixxx4kixxx: No, I'm fine.
imtightnslick: Good. Then I'll go ahead and take these jeans off.
trixxx4kixxx: So now just a tight, white t-shirt?
imtightnslick: Yep.
imtightnslick: So do you like to watch guys rim?
trixxx4kixxx: Well, I like the licking, but not the spitting.
imtightnslick: Yeah. Me too. I have some good licking sites if you want.
imtightnslick: Give 'em to you later. Busy. Getting the lube out of the drawer.
imtightnslick: I can play with my dick or I can play with my asshole. I'll come for you either way. Do you have a preference?
imtightnslick: Or are you ready for me to go down on you again.
trixxx4kixxx: Play with yourself.
trixxx4kixxx: Ass, then cock, then ass. Alternate.
imtightnslick: You are catching on. Lubing my hole now...
imtightnslick: playingoutside
imtightnslick: fuckingthetipin
trixxx4kixxx: Hard now.
imtightnslick: good
imtightnslick: spreadingslumpeddown
trixxx4kixxx: Do you make noises? Not the stupid oh yeah baby noises but real ones? I like the noises.
imtightnslick: igrunt
imtightnslick: growl
imtightnslick: whine
imtightnslick: wantmetofuckitfarther?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah. I'm gonna touch it now.
trixxx4kixxx: Brought it up over the sweats. It's hanging between my legs now.
imtightnslick: mmmmmyeah
imtightnslick: wholefingerinoutslow
trixxx4kixxx: Ohfuck yeah.
imtightnslick: touchyourself
trixxx4kixxx: I am.
trixxx4kixxx: Lifting it...tickling around the head...squeezing hard.
imtightnslick: pinkwetassholeaimedatscreeen4u
trixxx4kixxx: I'm gonna fuckit.
imtightnslick: ohgodfuckyes
trixxx4kixxx: PUSH it in HARD
trixxx4kixxx: Give it a sharp thrust, bury it all the way and bottom out in you
imtightnslick: fuckyeah
trixxx4kixxx: balls are up against you gonna start moving in you now
trixxx4kixxx: pull it almost all the way out then RAM it back in to the root
imtightnslick: givemeagoodfuck ridemehard
trixxx4kixxx: SLAM it into you gritting my teeth balls slapping against you
imtightnslick: fuckyeahdoit
trixxx4kixxx: fuck
imtightnslick: gonnacum
trixxx4kixxx: fuckyeahcommmmming
imtightnslick: Give me all of it. All of that hot spunk you've been saving for me. Shoot it in and ride it out.
trixxx4kixxx: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhffffffuck
trixxx4kixxx: dontwannaleave
trixxx4kixxx: stillmovinginsideyou
imtightnslick: I can take it. Take everything you've got.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm collapsed over your back, spent and shaking, still deep inside, throbbing.
imtightnslick: I sprayed jizz all over the floor.
trixxx4kixxx: Can I just hold you for a minute?
imtightnslick: Yes.
trixxx4kixxx: I slide my arm around you and hold you, catching my breath, tasting your sweat on my lips as they rest on your back.
imtightnslick: That's good.
trixxx4kixxx: Can I kiss you?
imtightnslick: Yeah. You can kiss me.
trixxx4kixxx: I reach up and take your face in my hand, pulling it gently around and pressing my mouth to yours. Breathe in your breaths and slide my tongue into your mouth, sighing.
imtightnslick: I like the feel of your tongue in my mouth while your long dick's still up my ass.
trixxx4kixxx: I moan and slowly tongue-fuck your mouth, still hungry for you as my body comes down from the fuck-high.
imtightnslick: Shit.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah.imtightnslick: That was...
trixxx4kixxx: Well it didn't suck. ;-)
imtightnslick: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: So was I worth it?
imtightnslick: Fuck yeah.
imtightnslick: It was all good, trix.
trixxx4kixxx: Thanks, Alex. For me, too.
trixxx4kixxx: Maybe we could do it again sometime.
imtightnslick: Name the time.
trixxx4kixxx: Tomorrow night?
imtightnslick: Sure.
trixxx4kixxx: Put me on your buddy list. I've added you to mine.
trixxx4kixxx: We can skip the chatroom.
imtightnslick: Sounds good. :-)
trixxx4kixxx: I'm seeing cross-eyed now. Think I better crash out on the couch.
imtightnslick: Yeah. I'm with you.
imtightnslick: And trix?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah?
imtightnslick: You were incredible.
trixxx4kixxx: So were you.
imtightnslick: Tomorrow. Sleep good.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, you too. I had a great night. G'nite, Alex.
imtightnslick: Night.
trixxx4kixxx: ***This user has signed off and is no longer online***
Next evening...
trixxx4kixxx: U there?
imtightnslick: Hey. You're really early.
trixxx4kixxx: Busy?
imtightnslick: I was just checking my mail. Damned thing signed itself on.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh, do you need to go?
imtightnslick: No. It's cool. Maybe it's destiny. Maybe I'm here for the sole purpose of meeting your every need, trix. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: Are you really a bottom? You don't seem like one. No offense.
imtightnslick: None taken.
trixxx4kixxx: I mean, last night was good. Fuck, it was great. Your personality just doesn't seem very...subby.
imtightnslick: It's not. Here's different. I get to be someone else for awhile.
trixxx4kixxx: I definitely understand that.
imtightnslick: So, you ready for more already, trix?
trixxx4kixxx: I'm not really here for sex, actually.
imtightnslick: Oh, okay. What's up? You all right, T?
trixxx4kixxx: Do you ever have nightmares, Alex?
imtightnslick: Yeah. I do.
trixxx4kixxx: I told you I sleep odd hours. I just woke up.
imtightnslick: How bad?
trixxx4kixxx: Pretty bad.
trixxx4kixxx: I was gonna finish off my bottle from last night, then I remembered you. What you said.
trixxx4kixxx: I didn't think you'd be here, but I figured I'd give it a shot.
imtightnslick: Well, I am. One of us must be psychic or something. You can tell me about it. If it'll help. Sometimes it does.
trixxx4kixxx: Do you believe in that stuff? Psychic phenomena?
imtightnslick: Definitely. Seen too much evidence. You?
trixxx4kixxx: Definitely. Ditto.
trixxx4kixxx: Do you ever think you're crazy?
imtightnslick: I think everybody does at some point. Sure. I think maybe I think it more than most. Didn't used to.
trixxx4kixxx: What's changed?
imtightnslick: I gave up doing something I believed in. And there was nothing to replace it with.
imtightnslick: And now I don't know who I am. Or if that other person ever even existed at all.
trixxx4kixxx: Why not go back? If you believed in it?
imtightnslick: I don't have it in me anymore.
trixxx4kixxx: Burnout?
imtightnslick: A severe case, I guess. It's not just that. It's...everything's changed.
trixxx4kixxx: Ah, yeah, I get ya. The world moves on and takes your 'place' with it.
imtightnslick: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: But you're not happy, now? Or is it that it just makes you feel crazy?
imtightnslick: In some ways I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life. And in others, I'm just fucking lost. Either way, it's a little crazy.
trixxx4kixxx: How are you lost? If you don't mind my asking.
imtightnslick: There is very little I miss from my old life. But what I miss hurts like a sonofabitch.
trixxx4kixxx: Is there any way to just get that part back?
imtightnslick: No. But don't you worry about it. I'm adjusting. And hey, I have somebody to share cold Chinese food with if I want. That's something I never had, right?
trixxx4kixxx: You never had that?
trixxx4kixxx: Lots of guys must be into cold Chinese food.
trixxx4kixxx: Why wouldn't they??
imtightnslick: I don't know. LOL! I guess I don't....do what we're doing. With anybody else. I'm really just on here to cyberfuck my brains out. Usually.
imtightnslick: Food just doesn't come up unless it's a cucumber or something. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
imtightnslick: You're laughing. Are you really laughing? That's gotta be a good sign, right?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: Thanks, Alex.
imtightnslick: No problem.
trixxx4kixxx: So you said you don't do this. Why me, then? Why do you talk to me?
imtightnslick: I don't know.
imtightnslick: Why do you want to talk to me, T?
trixxx4kixxx: You seem more real than the others. And you treat me like I'm real. Like I'm a person.
trixxx4kixxx: The others just treat me like a voice attached to a warm cock. But you seem to want the whole package. I still can't figure out why.
imtightnslick: I like it so far. ::shrug::
trixxx4kixxx: I don't have friends anymore. I never had a lot, but now, even the few I had are gone.
imtightnslick: I'm pretty much a loner, too. What happen, your wife scare 'em off?
trixxx4kixxx: LOL
trixxx4kixxx: She's not a bad person. We just don't belong together. I really do love her.
imtightnslick: Sorry about that. Just thought I might get you to laugh again.
imtightnslick: So what happened? With your friends?
trixxx4kixxx: They all died together in an accident.
imtightnslick: I'm sorry. Was this recent?
trixxx4kixxx: Well, a little before the...wedding.
trixxx4kixxx: Never thought of it before, but that's probably one of the many reasons I agreed to it. I was still pretty fucked up from that.
imtightnslick: It's easy to get caught up in something, then wonder what the fuck you were thinking.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah. Then you're trapped.
imtightnslick: Yeah.
imtightnslick: You sure there's not a better way out?
trixxx4kixxx: Fuck, Alex, I don't know.
trixxx4kixxx: It's complicated. Even if I do decide to just leave, I can't get close to anybody else.
imtightnslick: Why not?
trixxx4kixxx: My life's a wreck. I can't imagine trying to let someone in. Tell them about my past.
trixxx4kixxx: Anyone would think I was crazy, if I told them about my life.
trixxx4kixxx: And hell, maybe they're right. Maybe you can't *be* sane after all that. Maybe there is no such thing.
imtightnslick: I'm a pretty open-minded guy. I doubt anything you say could really scare me off.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I could. Trust me.
imtightnslick: I might surprise you. But okay, I'll drop it.
imtightnslick: I'm gonna grab some food. Hang on?
trixxx4kixxx: Sure.imtightnslick: Back.
trixxx4kixxx: What are you having?
imtightnslick: A mustard and pickle sandwich, Lays, and a nice Red Berry juice box on the side. And yes, I am a grown man. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
imtightnslick: Sometimes I just say, 'Fuck it, mustard's good on bread. That's enough for me.'
trixxx4kixxx: LOL...I've done that!
imtightnslick: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: Not since college, but still...
imtightnslick: Well, try it some time. It's even better now than in college.
trixxx4kixxx: I like to wrap lunchmeat around a pickle, personally. I need my meat. ;-)
imtightnslick: See, now you're trying to turn me on.
trixxx4kixxx: You. Are easy.
imtightnslick: 8-) You like it.
trixxx4kixxx: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: It's nice to be wanted, I admit.
trixxx4kixxx: And by someone who doesn't just see me as a fucktoy on the screen.
trixxx4kixxx: Not *just*.
trixxx4kixxx: ;-)
imtightnslick: Yeah. Not just.
imtightnslick: Are you sorry I'm a man?trixxx4kixxx: No.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't care what you are, just who.
trixxx4kixxx: You're definitely not like any woman I've ever met, I can tell you that. ;-)
imtightnslick: You're the complete opposite of anyone I've ever met online.
imtightnslick: That's hot as fuck.
trixxx4kixxx: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: After watching in gay chat rooms, I sure as hell never expected this.
imtightnslick: Me either.
trixxx4kixxx: Like I said, the women I met in chats would talk and flirt, but they didn't really want ME.
trixxx4kixxx: They just created some image in their minds, and they'd try to get me to conform.
imtightnslick: Isn't that what the men do back?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I guess it is.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess I just really didn't know what I was doing. It wasn't really about the sex, I guess.
trixxx4kixxx: I was just trying to connect with someone.
imtightnslick: So you don't have a type?
trixxx4kixxx: No. Not really.
trixxx4kixxx: Though my history suggests that I enjoy being mindfucked, controlled, then abandoned.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't, by the way.
imtightnslick: Your wife do that?
trixxx4kixxx: No, not at all. She's not trying to control me or hurt me. She loves me. And she feels obligated to take care of me.trixxx4kixxx: I'm sure she feels, as I do, that with the life we've both led, she couldn't get close to anyone else, either.
trixxx4kixxx: But she's wrong, because she's got him. The ex-boss.
trixxx4kixxx: He knows everything. And he loves her. I can see that. And they both want the same things.
trixxx4kixxx: I do everything but fluff the pillows for them when he comes over. I make myself scarce, give them privacy, everything I can think of. But I'd know if something was going on. It's not. Not yet.
imtightnslick: Ever think of taking care of yourself and just leaving, rather than trying to make her have an affair?
trixxx4kixxx: I can't just walk out on her.
imtightnslick: But what if neither one of you ever leaves?trixxx4kixxx: I don't think he can hold out forever. He'll make a move eventually. And she goes for the authoritative type, so she won't say no. And when she does, she'll tell me. That's just her. Then I can leave.
imtightnslick: But maybe if you *leave* she'll sleep with him.
trixxx4kixxx: You mean drive her into his arms by abandoning her?
trixxx4kixxx: I can't do that. I owe her everything, Alex.
trixxx4kixxx: My life, if it comes to that.
imtightnslick: Well, can you go through the other guy? Get him alone and tell him it's okay with you?
trixxx4kixxx: We aren't close. I don't talk to him. He's her friend, not mine.
trixxx4kixxx: He thinks I'm pathetic. And crazy. And that I'm a total fuckup as a husband.
trixxx4kixxx: ::shudder:: Hate that word, too.
imtightnslick: So you don't want to hurt her. But it sounds like it was her mistake just as much as it was yours.
trixxx4kixxx: It was. But she'll see it through. She's stubborn. And proud.
imtightnslick: Well, that's her fault.
trixxx4kixxx: But she is the only one who loves me, Alex! Maybe the only one who ever has!
imtightnslick: That's a crock of shit. How the fuck do you know there won't be a line of people falling on their knees to you?
trixxx4kixxx: You don't know me.
imtightnslick: Maybe not, but I like you.
trixxx4kixxx: Thanks, Alex. Guess that's something.
trixxx4kixxx: That didn't come out right.
imtightnslick: Don't sweat it. I'm a big boy. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: NO.
trixxx4kixxx: Listen to me.
trixxx4kixxx: What I mean is, I sound like I don't value your friendship. I do. Maybe more than I should.
trixxx4kixxx: What I meant was, if you like me, I don't know. Maybe I don't *totally* suck at this being human thing.
imtightnslick: Well. That's a start.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I guess it is.
imtightnslick: Just don't say some movie line about me making you want to be a better man, and we'll be okay.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL...deal.
trixxx4kixxx: So, I guess you probably have plenty of friends.
imtightnslick: No. I have plenty of fucktoys. And probably not the same one twice. I wouldn't know with how often they switch screen names. Not a lot of friends. I'm pretty solitary.
trixxx4kixxx: You don't seem like it. You're easy to talk to.
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
imtightnslick: I told you. You're different.
trixxx4kixxx: So are you.
trixxx4kixxx: I've tried to connect with other people, but there always comes that time...when they say something that shows that they're really just playing.imtightnslick: I play. Or I don't. I don't have the energy anymore to fuck around in people's heads. I'm just working on clearing my own.
trixxx4kixxx: When I was talking to you after my nightmare, my worst fear was that you'd say something like, "Awwww come here, baby, let me kiss it alllllll better."
imtightnslick: You don't know enough about me yet to know how not me that is.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm learning. ;-)
imtightnslick: My stomach is growling. Will you still be here if I run off to make another weird sandwich and get a cup of coffee?trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I'll be here.
imtightnslick: I'm back. Sorry, I don't do well when I'm hungry.
trixxx4kixxx: It's okay. I grabbed a couple of boiled eggs myself.
imtightnslick: Good.
trixxx4kixxx: She harasses me about the cholesterol. Well, she used to. We don't even argue anymore. I tell her that's all bullshit medical establishment government propaganda, but she respects their opinions more than mine.
imtightnslick: Eggs are good.
imtightnslick: What are your opinions on eggs?
trixxx4kixxx: They're good. ;-)
imtightnslick: See?
trixxx4kixxx: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: It's not like they're 'the world's most perfect food' or any of that commercial crap, it's just that they're not pure, unadulterated evil like the doctors and FDA would have you believe. Their health benefits have been completely obscured in an attempt to incite fear in the American public and put dollars in the medical establishment's pockets.
trixxx4kixxx: I think I eat them just to spite them.
imtightnslick: LOL!
imtightnslick: That's an interesting way to decide what to eat for breakfast: 'Who do I want to spite today?'
trixxx4kixxx: Works for me. :-)
trixxx4kixxx: Anyway, she's not here to harass me about them. She's gone now. She works late.imtightnslick: Kegger. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
trixxx4kixxx: Egger!
imtightnslick: LMAO!
trixxx4kixxx: I can't believe you actually laughed at that.
imtightnslick: Why not? Fuckin' funny.
trixxx4kixxx: Most people don't 'get' my humor.
imtightnslick: I'm not most people. (Sorry, is that from a movie??)
trixxx4kixxx: Probably several. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: I'm not either.
imtightnslick: Good. I don't want most people.
trixxx4kixxx: So you like the unusual?
imtightnslick: Unusual rocks my world.
trixxx4kixxx: Well damn, Alex, lets go pick out curtains.
trixxx4kixxx: Just kidding.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm just really, really unusual. Really.
trixxx4kixxx: And I'm not just saying that to get into your pants. ;-)
imtightnslick: I know. You're in my pants.
imtightnslick: No curtains. You have no idea how fucked up I am. I think you should leave her, but I'm not the one to run to instead.
trixxx4kixxx: I didn't mean that.
imtightnslick: You do yoga, T?
trixxx4kixxx: I've tried it. In front of the television. Alone. Once or twice.
imtightnslick: Well, you can't do sixty minutes worth of yoga in the first breath.
imtightnslick: You just have to wait. And keep doing it.
trixxx4kixxx: I wouldn't show up and attach myself to you like some parasite, Alex. I don't do that. Regardless of whatever impression I might have given you here.
trixxx4kixxx: I won't show up at all. Don't worry, okay?
imtightnslick: I said 'you.' I meant me. You're not a parasite. You're helping me do my yoga. That's it.
trixxx4kixxx: *I'm* helping *you*?
imtightnslick: Yeah. You are. This shocks you.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah it does.
trixxx4kixxx: But then, I guess I could be helping you balance your karma or something, being here for me like this.
imtightnslick: I don't see how, but let's go with that because there's a lot of it, if you know what I mean.
trixxx4kixxx: I hear you.
imtightnslick: I don't want to give the impression that I'm using you. It's me. I don't want you thinking I'm capable of more than I am.
trixxx4kixxx: This is what I need.
trixxx4kixxx: I'll try not to take too much.
trixxx4kixxx: Do, or do not, there is no try. ;-)
imtightnslick: No, that's Yoda. I said Yoga, T.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
imtightnslick: And you're not. Taking too much.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm glad.
trixxx4kixxx: I opened the blinds just now. Watching the sun set. I haven't opened those blinds in...weeks.
imtightnslick: So...the sun's setting here, too. Mountain time zone, then?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, doing a little detective work over there, Alex? ;-)
imtightnslick: I guess I just can't turn off that part of my brain, sometimes.
trixxx4kixxx: I know what you mean.
trixxx4kixxx: But you don't seem to live mentally. Like most really intelligent people.imtightnslick: I guess I don't.
imtightnslick: Not anymore.
trixxx4kixxx: You seem to live from your heart. No nonsense. Very authentic.
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, you still there? Too hearts and flowers for ya?
imtightnslick: Yeah. I'm here. No one's ever said that before.
imtightnslick: Freaks me out a little.
trixxx4kixxx: I do that to people.
imtightnslick: You're kind of like a strong cup of coffee. Smooth going down and then it just wakes you the fuck up.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
trixxx4kixxx: I didn't go down. ;-)
imtightnslick: You did in the shower this morning.
trixxx4kixxx: Really.
imtightnslick: Yeah. Does that scare the ever-loving shit out of you, het boy?
trixxx4kixxx: Maybe a little.
imtightnslick: Don't panic or anything.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess it's like you said before. I don't want *you* to want something from me that I can't give you.
imtightnslick: No big deal. It was just wet in there and hot (the shower I mean) and it felt good.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess I can't control what you do with me in your head, anyway. I just don't want you to be disappointed by the reality of me.
imtightnslick: Disappointed? After last night?
trixxx4kixxx: ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: I guess I worry about that.
trixxx4kixxx: You're gay, after all, and I'm sure you're infinitely more experienced.
imtightnslick: LOL! Infinitely?
imtightnslick: You're a natural. You didn't even have to try. Am I right? I mean, at first you were trying. And you were nervous. But when you got turned on? When you had to fuck me?
trixxx4kixxx: Yes, but...that's what I'm trying to say. Last night it did come naturally. But the idea of giving head...doesn't come naturally to me.
trixxx4kixxx: Sorry.
imtightnslick: It's okay. Whatever. I want you. Even if you don't go down.
trixxx4kixxx: Thank you. I'm not saying *never*, I'm just saying it doesn't seem very natural right now.
imtightnslick: I can wait. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: If that's what you need, fuck, I don't know how to say this. Just...you can get that somewhere else, you know. I mean, of course you can. It's not like we're exclusive or something.
imtightnslick: Nah, I like the novel convenience of friendship and sex in one place.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL! Okay then.
trixxx4kixxx: When you first IM'd me, another reason I accepted your offer, rather than the other dozen I got, was because you used actual words and complete sentences.
trixxx4kixxx: You sounded more like a real person.
imtightnslick: I didn't already have my hand down my pants.
trixxx4kixxx: True. That came later. ;-) But with the others it felt like they didn't respect me enough to even try to look human. Even at first.
trixxx4kixxx: God, then there I am, shitfaced and typing like a monkey.
imtightnslick: LMAO!!!!!
imtightnslick: You weren't that bad! :-)
imtightnslick: It doesn't sound like you've started drinking yet tonight, though.
trixxx4kixxx: No. And I'm happy to say I'm not jonesing for it. Which is at least partial evidence that the addiction has been purely psychological, an attempt to self-medicate, and not full-blown alcoholism.
trixxx4kixxx: Did I just send the needle off the geek-o-meter?
imtightnslick: No. You didn't.
trixxx4kixxx: I was getting scared. About the drinking. I didn't want it to be in control of me, instead of the other way around. My father was a drinker. Maybe an alcoholic. I saw myself becoming more like him.
trixxx4kixxx: Now I know it's my choice. I've been choosing it every single night for quite some time now, but it's MY choice.
imtightnslick: I'm glad, T. Now we just have to get you to change clothes. ;-) Although, I'm going to miss the cum-reeking loose sweats and pit-stained t-shirt. ::sigh::
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, I showered, didn't I tell ya? :-)
imtightnslick: So? What are you wearing?
trixxx4kixxx: Some old running shorts. Black, jersey knit. Ten years old, probably. My...partner *hates* them.
trixxx4kixxx: Tried to throw them away. Twice. After she used them to dust the furniture.
trixxx4kixxx: Now I keep the good stuff in here with me.
imtightnslick: You're like a squirrel.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL!
imtightnslick: Shirt?
trixxx4kixxx: No.
trixxx4kixxx: It's hot here.
imtightnslick: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: I hate the heat. I don't belong in the desert.
imtightnslick: That where you are? Down in NM or Arizona or someplace?
trixxx4kixxx: I'd rather not say.
trixxx4kixxx: It's not personal, I just can't. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about me to anyone else, either. It's not paranoia, and it's not about me being married. It's more than that. I'm sorry.
imtightnslick: I don't talk to people, T. It's cool. Are you in some kind of trouble?
trixxx4kixxx: I can't really get into it, but yes.
trixxx4kixxx: Some people want to hurt me.
trixxx4kixxx: And my partner.
trixxx4kixxx: Which is another reason I stay. I'm still trying to watch her back.
trixxx4kixxx: Although, shitfaced and typing like a monkey, I guess I'm really fucking that up, anyway. I guess I never thought about it that way.
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, are you still there?
trixxx4kixxx: Okay. I told you I could scare you away.
imtightnslick: I'm not leaving.
imtightnslick: Are you talking to anybody else like you're talking to me?trixxx4kixxx: Fuck no.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't talk to anyone else, period. I post on some lists, anonymously, but I haven't even done that in months.
trixxx4kixxx: Now you know a little more what I meant when I said I *can't* get close.imtightnslick: Yeah. I get it. And I'm sorry.
trixxx4kixxx: Thanks.
trixxx4kixxx: You know, I've been stupid about this. I just never sobered up long enough to think about it before. I'm no good to her like this, anyway. I'm fucking useless.
trixxx4kixxx: He'll protect her. Better than I do. And with me out of the picture, he'd swoop right in and take over, probably the very same day. Damn, it really would be the best thing for her.
imtightnslick: This guy. You can trust him?
trixxx4kixxx: She can.
trixxx4kixxx: He'd never, ever hurt her or let anyone else. He'd protect her with his life.
imtightnslick: Where would you go? If this place has been made safe for you, maybe it's best that you stay put until you've got another safe place set up to move to.
trixxx4kixxx: He'd be fucking deliriously happy, too, I'm sure. He could just step right into these fucking suede loafers she bought me and take over my whole goddamned, hell-fucked life.
imtightnslick: All right. Calm down. We'll figure something out.
trixxx4kixxx: I think I have. Figured something out.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm leaving. Tonight. I'm going to grab some shit and split. He'll be the first one she calls.imtightnslick: Split where?
imtightnslick: Do you even know where you're going?
imtightnslick: T?
trixxx4kixxx: Sorry, was digging my gym bag out from under the dirty laundry in the closet. I have some ideas, yeah.
imtightnslick: Okay.
imtightnslick: You just probably shouldn't go off half-cocked, you know?
imtightnslick: Listen, I know I said not to come here...in so many words. But if you need help...a safe place to go...I can help you.
trixxx4kixxx: Thank you, Alex. That means a lot. But I know how to disappear. Fuck, I already *have*. I haven't been here for months.
trixxx4kixxx: I wouldn't do that to you.
trixxx4kixxx: Relax, okay? ;-)
imtightnslick: You're sure you can secure yourself a place? Safety?trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I'm fine.
trixxx4kixxx: It was never about that. I can disappear just fine. She can't.
trixxx4kixxx: I've lived in dark places my whole life. She's the one who needs the shades open. And hell, she's probably not even in any real danger without me there. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. I guess I wasn't. I was just trying to do the right thing.
imtightnslick: If you need any help, my field was security. I want you safe. Whatever I can do.
trixxx4kixxx: I appreciate that. I hope you mean it, because I could probably use a little tech help, if you can handle that kind of thing.
imtightnslick: Yeah. For you I can.
trixxx4kixxx: My friends, the ones I told you about? That's what they were into. They set me up a complete fake identity awhile back. Several years ago, in fact. It was kind of a hobby for them, adding things to make it stronger. They gave it to me for my birthday three years ago. She doesn't know about it. She was never part of it.
imtightnslick: Good friends. I'm glad you had them.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah. They were the best.
trixxx4kixxx: I haven't let myself think about it.
trixxx4kixxx: Well, that's a lie. I've tried not to think about it, but have, from time to time, and felt really fucking guilty.
imtightnslick: With what they gave you, you could almost pull off something as radical as faking your own death.
trixxx4kixxx: Pretty much, yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: The little fuckers named me Sigmund, though.
imtightnslick: Sigmund, huh? As in Freud?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah. And as in Ziggy. Which was my nickname for one of them sometimes.
trixxx4kixxx: You know that cartoon? The totally depressive, pessemistic, doomed squatty little squarish person?
imtightnslick: No. I don't. Know it. Sorry.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh. Well, it's a pathetic loser of a cartoon. And I called him that. So this is quite the clever revenge, gotta say.
trixxx4kixxx: So, Alex. You don't have to call me trix anymore. I'm Ziggy Kennedy. Pleased to meet you.
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, I gotta take a piss. Hold on?
imtightnslick: yeah
trixxx4kixxx: Back. I stuffed that bag full of clothes most people would wanna use for cleaning rags. :-)
trixxx4kixxx: You there?
imtightnslick: Yeah. I'm here.
imtightnslick: I'm glad you're...taking care of yourself. Z.
trixxx4kixxx: Are you okay, Alex?
trixxx4kixxx: Maybe you're thinking that I'm gonna cut you loose now. I'm not. Are you kidding? This isn't going to be easy. Just real honestly, I could really use a friend.
imtightnslick: I'd like that.
trixxx4kixxx: Great. :-) Well, it's getting about that time she gets home, so I'm gonna leave. It'll be easier without a scene. I'm taking a laptop, and I'd really like to check in with you once I get to the hotel, if that's okay.
imtightnslick: Yes. Please do. And please...be safe.
trixxx4kixxx: I will. :-) I'll be fine. I'm not going far tonight. Just someplace local so I can think.
trixxx4kixxx: Alex, I wouldn't be doing this without you. So thanks. And thanks for being with me while I do it. I might not have the balls to do it alone.
imtightnslick: It means a lot to me to give you that. More than you know.
trixxx4kixxx: Your yoga?
trixxx4kixxx: Well, you hit the jackpot tonight. You saved my fucking life.
imtightnslick: Well. That's a first.
trixxx4kixxx: Sorry, I guess that's pretty heavy for somebody you just met online yesterday.
imtightnslick: I'm okay.
trixxx4kixxx: Good. Well, I'll talk to you in a couple of hours, then. I'm gonna grab the biggest fucking cheeseburger you've ever seen on the way there. ;-)
imtightnslick: I'll be here.
trixxx4kixxx: Thank you. Again. This is a lot easier knowing you'll be there.
imtightnslick: I'm glad. Good luck to you, my friend.
trixxx4kixxx: Thank you. :-) Catch you in a couple of hours. Bye, Alex.
trixxx4kixxx: ***This user has signed off and is no longer online***
Two hours later...
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, you're here!
imtightnslick: Hey. You all right?
trixxx4kixxx: Yep, feel great.
imtightnslick: Good.
imtightnslick: That's good, Z.
imtightnslick: Are you safe?
trixxx4kixxx: I think so, yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: I'll move on tomorrow, though. I need to pick up the documents.
imtightnslick: How fast can you get them?
trixxx4kixxx: They're just a couple of hours away, actually.
imtightnslick: Good. So you're sure they did a good job on this identity of yours?
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, this is...was their area. I have a trust fund that they started embezzling from *years* ago, without my knowledge, to set it up. They even used it to build up an investment portfolio for Ziggy, so I'm set for life.
imtightnslick: Smart thinking.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, they didn't usually do things like that...outright stealing...but this was 'for my own good' so they fudged a little on the rules.
trixxx4kixxx: They did that a lot.
imtightnslick: Sometimes you have to.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I guess so.
trixxx4kixxx: I have passports and visas for all kinds of places.
trixxx4kixxx: They were very proud to show me I have a license to sell liquor in Tobago!
imtightnslick: LOL!
trixxx4kixxx: :-)
imtightnslick: Creative. ;-)
imtightnslick: So is that what you're going to do? Open up a liquor store in Tobago?
trixxx4kixxx: I think they were picturing a bar. Someplace they could get free drinks. ;-) Not really my scene, though.
trixxx4kixxx: I think they said something about a condo in Bermuda. Might check that out, first.
imtightnslick: Bermuda, huh? Hear it's nice. A little iffy due to the parallel dimensional vortex.
trixxx4kixxx: Ah, but that's the best part. ;-)
imtightnslick: I see.
trixxx4kixxx: Maybe I'll find Atlantis. :-)
trixxx4kixxx: It's my opinion that the time/space flux people experience there is due to that being the location of The Great Crystal, which was rumored to be the power source of Atlantis. I believe it distorts navigational equipment with its incredibly powerful electromagnetic field.
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, don't bail on me now. I told you I was weird. You've been warned.
imtightnslick: No, it's okay. I told you. I like unusual.
imtightnslick: Sounds like you've got yourself a new lease on life.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I do. Funny how things can change in a day, huh?
imtightnslick: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: Ever been to Bermuda?
imtightnslick: No.
trixxx4kixxx: You do know the vortex isn't IN Bermuda, right? Bermuda is one point of a three point triangle, and the flux happens in the middle of that. Bermuda's perfectly safe. ;-)
imtightnslick: I'm not scared of the vortex. But thank you.
trixxx4kixxx: Sure. :-)
trixxx4kixxx: I guess I'm trying to say it might be nice to meet you someday.
trixxx4kixxx: Doesn't have to be anything serious. Maybe meet up somewhere for a drink or something.
trixxx4kixxx: I probably shouldn't do anything like that right away, though.
imtightnslick: No. You shouldn't. I probably shouldn't either.
trixxx4kixxx: You're right. I was being selfish. I don't want to endanger you.
trixxx4kixxx: Just forget it.
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, you know, I was in the Bermuda Triangle once.
imtightnslick: Really.
trixxx4kixxx: It was fantastic. I'd like to go back. I think I'd need to go in with a team. Deep sea archeologists. Maybe write a grant or something, if I can get the money together. If my friends were good enough investors. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: Do you deep-sea dive?
imtightnslick: No. I'm not really into it. I've been landlocked for two years now anyway. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: Hey a clue. ;-)
imtightnslick: It's the least I can do.
trixxx4kixxx: You don't have to tell me anything. If you don't feel safe. That's fine. Believe me, I understand.
imtightnslick: I live in Colorado.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh. Thanks for trusting me with that.
imtightnslick: You've given me a lot. You've given me your trust. I owe you.
trixxx4kixxx: No, you really don't. But I'm glad you trust me.
imtightnslick: So you'd never thought, before yesterday, about using the papers to leave?
trixxx4kixxx: No, not really. Like I said, I've thought about them a few times, but felt incredibly guilty each time. I never let myself follow the thought of them long enough to actually consider leaving.trixxx4kixxx: It was more like they'd occur to me as this other life I could be leading. You know, wondering what if. But I'd kill it fast. Wash it down with some scotch.
imtightnslick: So do you miss her? Any regrets?
trixxx4kixxx: No. I mean, I love her, but we're better as friends.
trixxx4kixxx: I know she'll be happier, too. I left her a note so she wouldn't think I just vanished or something. I took your advice and told her and the ex-boss to be happy together. Gave them my blessing.
imtightnslick: And you feel good.
trixxx4kixxx: Yes. :-)
imtightnslick: Then I'm really happy for you.
imtightnslick: You sound like a new man.
trixxx4kixxx: Absolutely. Tonight, I go to sleep Brad Cambridge, and tomorrow, I wake up Ziggy Kennedy. :-)
imtightnslick: LOL! I, uh, think you may even be less Ziggy than you are Brad. I don't know. Maybe not. You just... Those are some really *bad* *names*. :-)
trixxx4kixxx: LOL! Yeah, but Ziggy was done to me with love and will always remind me of them, so I'm okay with it. :-) Could be worse.
imtightnslick: I guess.
trixxx4kixxx: Wanna keep calling me trix? ;-)
imtightnslick: Maybe. Z's all right, just by itself. Which would you prefer?
trixxx4kixxx: Whatever you want.
imtightnslick: So what now? Room service? Sleep?trixxx4kixxx: Definitely NOT room service. I wasn't shitting you about that cheeseburger. And sleep? Never heard of it.
trixxx4kixxx: But if you have to leave, I understand.
imtightnslick: I don't have to leave.
trixxx4kixxx: :-)
trixxx4kixxx: So you like Colorado then?
imtightnslick: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: What do you like about it?
imtightnslick: At first I chose it because it was unlike anywhere I'd lived before. That was it. My only criteria.
imtightnslick: But I like it. I'm not in Denver or anything. It's secluded here. I've never had that.
trixxx4kixxx: It's a beautiful place. I've driven through on business, but never really *seen* it. So you live out of town, then? Don't answer anything you don't want to.
imtightnslick: Yeah. I have a not-so-little cabin in the woods. :-)
trixxx4kixxx: Cool.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm not much of a woodsman. My adventures in camping have been less than...idyllic.
imtightnslick: It's not camping. I have running water. Jacuzzi tub actually. Hot tub out back. Electricity. Though I like the woodstove and that's what I use when it gets cold.
trixxx4kixxx: I could probably survive that.
trixxx4kixxx: As long as there's a VCR. You do have a VCR don't you?
imtightnslick: DVD player, yes. LOL!
imtightnslick: Thank you for your concern.
trixxx4kixxx: :-) What are friends for?
imtightnslick: You're asking the wrong person.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't think so. Alex, you met me when I was at the bottom of a bottle of scotch. Or about...two thirds of the way down and sinking fast, anyway. And you stayed and talked to my pathetic ass until I felt better.imtightnslick: Your ass was not pathetic. Neither were you.
trixxx4kixxx: I think you need to read over it. :-/
imtightnslick: I don't think I'll be seeing monkey-boy when I reread that, Z.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL! Well, not at the end. I hope! Unless you're into that kind of thing?? ;-)
imtightnslick: No, if I'm going to fantasize that kind of thing, it'll be a farm animal, not a monkey.
imtightnslick: ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: ROTFL!
imtightnslick: You're laughing again.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I'm laughing. :-) Feels like I haven't in months.
imtightnslick: I haven't either. Not really. I mean, when I said I'm the happiest I've ever been, it didn't mean I didn't have a lot further to go.
trixxx4kixxx: You're not happy?
imtightnslick: I'm working on it.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess I knew, in the back of my mind, that people who cyber with strangers all the time aren't happy individuals.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't mean anything by that. I hope you know I'm not judging you.
imtightnslick: For me it's a step up. Being with people and talking about sex, even in that superficial, perfunctory way... It's better than how I used to relate to humanity.
trixxx4kixxx: Wow. You must have been through hell.
imtightnslick: No more than you.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess I can't say it's been easy. I've certainly had my losses. But I've always felt fortunate to know without a doubt what I'm here to do.
imtightnslick: I thought I had that, too. But I was wrong.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm sorry. I think that's my worst nightmare. Someone once made me believe it was all a lie. My whole life, everything I'd ever been. I picked my gun up and carried it around more than once before someone else showed up and gave me my life back.
trixxx4kixxx: You don't do that, do you?
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
imtightnslick: I haven't been down that road in...maybe a year.
trixxx4kixxx: Now I know why you had compassion for the pain in me.trixxx4kixxx: Alex, I want you know, I want to be here for you, too. I know we've only known each other two days, but you've been one of those amazing, pivotal people in my life.
trixxx4kixxx: The kind that give you exactly what you need just when you need it.
trixxx4kixxx: No matter what else happens, even if we never meet or even speak to each other again, what you did for me will never change.
trixxx4kixxx: So if you need somebody, just remember I'm here, okay?
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
imtightnslick: Thank you.
trixxx4kixxx: Whew. I was afraid all that touchy-feely stuff would have you running for the hills. ;-)
imtightnslick: No.
imtightnslick: You'll have to beat me off with a stick.
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, if that's what gets you off... ;-)
imtightnslick: I think I'd like it any way you'd want to dish it out.trixxx4kixxx: I don't have anything against kink.
imtightnslick: Do you want some now?
trixxx4kixxx: Don't take this the wrong way, but right now, I'm more in my head and my heart than in my cock.
imtightnslick: Okay. I just want to give you what you want.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't want to just use you, you know.trixxx4kixxx: I'm not going to use you, Alex.
imtightnslick: You're free now. Not trying to fill some void in your life. Are you not feeling so bi-curious anymore?trixxx4kixxx: No, that's not what I meant!
trixxx4kixxx: Fuck, Alex, everything's changed. I had no idea it could be so...good with a man. Hell, maybe Ziggy's gay!
imtightnslick: Oh. Wow.
trixxx4kixxx: I've had relationships with women, but I never really found what I was looking for.
trixxx4kixxx: I never considered that what I want might be somewhere other than where I've always taken it for granted I should look. If that makes sense.
trixxx4kixxx: Which is really not like me. But I guess I just never had enough motivation to want to look any further. My work was enough. And there's always porn. ;-)
imtightnslick: Have you ever thought it about it before? Being with a man?trixxx4kixxx: You mean before I started on my quest to get a life?
imtightnslick: Yes.
trixxx4kixxx: Well...I guess that depends on what you mean by 'being with.'
imtightnslick: I mean fucking.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh.
trixxx4kixxx: Yeah, I've thought about it.
imtightnslick: With who?
trixxx4kixxx: Well, I think all so-called straight men think about it at one time or another. With certain men. And/or in certain situations.
imtightnslick: Which situations?
trixxx4kixxx: For me?
imtightnslick: No. For every straight man on earth. ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: Sorry. I guess I am being pretty evasive.
imtightnslick: I understand.
trixxx4kixxx: You deserve an answer. You're risking a lot, being into a so-called straight guy for...well, more than just sex.
imtightnslick: Everything's a risk. Stepping outside and taking a deep breath is a risk. Could get attacked by a bear for all I know. Still gotta breathe.
trixxx4kixxx: LOL! I really like you.
imtightnslick: I really like you, too.
trixxx4kixxx: Okay. Back to the question. It's actually not nearly as simple as you might think, but I still want to give you the answer.
trixxx4kixxx: There was one man in particular. That seemed to bring that out in me.
trixxx4kixxx: It's not what you may be thinking, either, some soft, effeminate, pretty, fawning little thing.
trixxx4kixxx: I mean, yeah, those types always make you think about it, for about a minute or two, then you're back in your real life.
trixxx4kixxx: No, this guy...he made me go places I'd never been. And that no one else ever took me.
trixxx4kixxx: He was good-looking. Even pretty, in a way. But that wasn't it at all.
trixxx4kixxx: He *wasn't* soft. Or quiet. Or effeminate. And he wasn't sweet and fawning. Well, not except for a few months when he faked it. And that was NOT what got me.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm not sure what got me. I know I probably touched him more than I've ever touched any other man in my life, aside from friends back in school.trixxx4kixxx: But it wasn't that kind of touching. It was always violent. He brought it out in me like no one else could. And I just COULD NOT keep my hands off him.
trixxx4kixxx: With him, I thought about all kinds of things. Things I would never let myself think about anyone else in the world. Dark things, sexual things, crazy things...sick things. He brought out the very worst in me.
trixxx4kixxx: But it was exhilarating.
trixxx4kixxx: Like something in me just exploded open around him. Everything I was, deep inside where nobody knew me, just flooded out.
imtightnslick: You fought, then.trixxx4kixxx: You could say that, yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: I know what you're thinking. Classic sublimation. And some of it was, yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: It's so complicated I could probably never explain it.
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
trixxx4kixxx: Now you're afraid of me. Please don't be. I'm really not the kind of guy that does that shit. I'm not a violent man. Like I said, it's complicated and he brought out the very worst in me.
imtightnslick: I get that.
imtightnslick: Can I ask you something else? About him?
trixxx4kixxx: Okay.
imtightnslick: Are you sorry you knew him?
imtightnslick: I'm sorry. It's none of my business.
trixxx4kixxx: No, it's okay. I've actually asked myself that before.
trixxx4kixxx: And even though he actually almost killed me several times...
trixxx4kixxx: No. I'm not.
imtightnslick: Why?
trixxx4kixxx: He brought things into my life that no one else did or could. My life would have been emptier without him. I learned things about myself and about life that I don't think I would have learned, otherwise. I've never been one to choose an easy life, anyway.
trixxx4kixxx: Hey, you still there?
imtightnslick: Can I ask one more thing?
trixxx4kixxx: Okay.
imtightnslick: Where is he now?
trixxx4kixxx: He's dead.
trixxx4kixxx: And no, I didn't kill him.
imtightnslick: What happened?
trixxx4kixxx: I don't think you really want to know that. It's not pretty.
imtightnslick: I'd like to know.
trixxx4kixxx: I thought he was helping me. With my work. Then, out of the blue, he pulled a gun on me. He was going to shoot me. I saw his finger tighten on the trigger. I did nothing. Didn't try to stop him. Hell, I even dared him to do it. I just didn't give a damn anymore. I was just so TIRED at the thought that he'd betrayed me AGAIN...that I was just going to let him kill me.
trixxx4kixxx: But someone else showed up and shot him. Gunned him down. They had their own vendetta with him, and they killed him for it. It wasn't about saving me.
trixxx4kixxx: That really fucked with my head.
imtightnslick: How?
trixxx4kixxx: God, it's so complicated. I've never had to put it into words before. But maybe I should. Bear with me, this could take some thought.
imtightnslick: I'm here.
trixxx4kixxx: Well, what I mean is, there was so much more between us than there was between him and the man who killed him. I mean, the man who killed him had his reasons. He hated him. For good reason. I understand that. But it still wasn't fair.
imtightnslick: Because he took your revenge.
trixxx4kixxx: No, not exactly. I wanted more than that. And he took away any chance of me getting any of it.
imtightnslick: What did you want?
trixxx4kixxx: Jesus, it's hard to put into words. He owed me. More than that. His death didn't do anything to pay me back for everything I lost.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess that's what I really wanted. For him to make it up to me somehow.
trixxx4kixxx: But there's no chance of that now. The man who killed him took it all away from me. I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess that sounds crazy, doesn't it.
trixxx4kixxx: Alex?
trixxx4kixxx: Alex, please, talk to me.trixxx4kixxx: I told you it wasn't pretty. But you asked me.
trixxx4kixxx: Fuck. See? I told you I could scare you away.
imtightnslick: I'm still here.
trixxx4kixxx: But you think I'm crazy.
imtightnslick: No.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't blame you. It's a mess. I told you if I ever told anyone about my life, they'd think I was crazy.
imtightnslick: You're not crazy, damn it.
trixxx4kixxx: But you didn't sign on to become friends and lovers with some psycho pining away over an unresolved love/hate relationship that included murder and revenge, either. I understand.
imtightnslick: Jesus, Mulder, you're not a fucking psycho!
imtightnslick: Well, I guess it's time to tell you. It's me. It's Alex Krycek. I'm not dead.
imtightnslick: Are you still there?
imtightnslick: Mulder?
imtightnslick: Well, you haven't signed off, I guess that's a good sign.
imtightnslick: I can wait. As long as I have to.
trixxx4kixxx: Give me some proof.
imtightnslick: Walter Skinner shot me. Three times. First in the shoulder, then in the chest, then a nice, clean killshot to the center of the forehead.
imtightnslick: And I'm grateful. Not that he killed me, but that he stopped me from killing you.
trixxx4kixxx: What do you mean, you're grateful?
imtightnslick: I didn't want to kill you, Mulder. I was fighting it with everything I had. I was under some kind of mind-control. I never wanted you dead. I saved you and Scully from the Billy Miles supersoldier just the day before. Why would I do that and then gun you down in a parking garage?
trixxx4kixxx: What the fuck is going on here?
imtightnslick: Mulder, I had no idea it was you. I thought you were dead.
trixxx4kixxx: You expect me to believe that?
imtightnslick: No. I guess I don't.
imtightnslick: But can't you at least see I wasn't trying to hurt you?
trixxx4kixxx: How do I know that?
imtightnslick: Did I, Mulder? Did I hurt you?
imtightnslick: Mulder?
trixxx4kixxx: You lied to me.
imtightnslick: I didn't know it was you. Not at first.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh, well then. When *did* you start lying?
imtightnslick: When you told me people were trying to hurt you, and you were staying with your partner to watch her back, I started to figure out it was you. Everything you said after that confirmed it.
trixxx4kixxx: Why didn't you tell me then?
imtightnslick: I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want to lose your friendship.
trixxx4kixxx: Friendship?
trixxx4kixxx: You're so full of shit. Friendship isn't based on lies, Krycek.
imtightnslick: I didn't want to lose what I had.trixxx4kixxx: You had a lie.
imtightnslick: No. I had you.
trixxx4kixxx: I had a lie, then.
imtightnslick: Yes and no. Mulder, you had me. I gave you more of myself than I've ever given anyone. I even gave you my name.
trixxx4kixxx: Not all of it.
imtightnslick: No, not all of it. But that's the only thing I didn't give you. The rest was me.
trixxx4kixxx: Jesus, Krycek, what is it that you want from me?
imtightnslick: I'm sure it's a waste of time for me to say this now, but I want what you want.
trixxx4kixxx: What's that?
imtightnslick: My chance. To make it up to you.
imtightnslick: Mulder?
trixxx4kixxx: How the fuck am I supposed to believe that, Krycek? How am I supposed to believe any of it?
imtightnslick: I don't know.
trixxx4kixxx: Jesus, I don't even know what I told you! How much you know! I'm going to have to re-read everything now just to know what the hell you've done to me!
imtightnslick: Okay.
trixxx4kixxx: Stay here. If you mean ANY of what you said you'll fucking stay here and WAIT.
imtightnslick: I'll be here. I'll wait.
trixxx4kixxx: If you sign off, I'll hunt you down. I'll make it my life's purpose to find you.
imtightnslick: I'll wait, Mulder.
trixxx4kixxx: I'm going to read it now.imtightnslick: Okay. I'll be here.
Three hours later...
trixxx4kixxx: Where are you? Exactly.imtightnslick: 502 Copper Mountain Road, Climax, Colorado. It's off Route 91, southwest of Denver.
trixxx4kixxx: Climax?
imtightnslick: I can send you a map if you want.
trixxx4kixxx: Do it.
imtightnslick: All right. *File Transfer Successful*
imtightnslick: I'm glad you came back.
trixxx4kixxx: Well, I figure if you're talking to me, it limits the amount of trouble you can be getting into.
imtightnslick: With everyone except you.
imtightnslick: You re-read the whole thing?
trixxx4kixxx: Yes.
imtightnslick: Me too.
trixxx4kixxx: Oh yeah?
imtightnslick: Yeah.
trixxx4kixxx: Laugh yourself sick, did you?
imtightnslick: No.
trixxx4kixxx: Me, either.
trixxx4kixxx: No laughing, anyway.
imtightnslick: Do you believe me now? That I didn't know it was you?
trixxx4kixxx: I don't know what to believe. As usual.
imtightnslick: I told you exactly where I live. I don't know where you are. What will it take, Mulder? What do you want?
imtightnslick: Mulder?
trixxx4kixxx: I want to not give a shit whether you live or die.
imtightnslick: That'd be nice, wouldn't it.
trixxx4kixxx: Why *are* you alive?
imtightnslick: Don't you mean how?
trixxx4kixxx: Fuck you. You know what I mean.
imtightnslick: Sorry. You've met the Jeremiah Smiths. You know what they can do. They decided to do it to me.
trixxx4kixxx: Why??
imtightnslick: They thought I was the best man for the job.
trixxx4kixxx: What job?
imtightnslick: Helping you defeat the supersoldiers.
trixxx4kixxx: What? What are you talking about?
imtightnslick: But by the time the process was completed and I was ready for my assignment, you were gone.
trixxx4kixxx: What makes you think I'll believe this?
imtightnslick: I don't know.
trixxx4kixxx: So why haven't you defeated them yet?
imtightnslick: My assignment was to help you defeat the supersoldiers. You died in a car bomb explosion. My reason for coming back from the dead was gone.
trixxx4kixxx: So you just decided to take a permanent vacation?
imtightnslick: Yeah. Something like that.
trixxx4kixxx: You expect me to believe you're doing nothing? That you're not involved in *anything* anymore?
imtightnslick: I told you, Mulder. I don't have it in me anymore.
trixxx4kixxx: You don't have *what* in you, anymore?
imtightnslick: The motivation? The reason? The belief? I don't know.
trixxx4kixxx: And you're just sitting around in your hot tub in Climax, Colorado, cyberfucking your life away, now.
imtightnslick: Yes.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't buy it.
trixxx4kixxx: With what you know? With the power and access you have? You've been trying to take over the world for years, now. You really expect me to believe you would just walk away?
imtightnslick: Just??? I died, Mulder! We BOTH fucking died! When is it going to be enough for you?
trixxx4kixxx: What do you mean?
imtightnslick: I mean enough! Enough blood, enough pain, enough sacrifice! I've given all I'm gonna fucking give, Mulder!
trixxx4kixxx: You're just going to let supersoldiers take over the world??
imtightnslick: Yes! If it gives me a year or two of peace, yes, Mulder! Goddamn it,YES!!!
imtightnslick: I didn't want to be back here at all.
trixxx4kixxx: You'd rather be dead?!
imtightnslick: You can look at my life and still ask that?!
trixxx4kixxx: I don't know.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't know what to say.trixxx4kixxx: I never thought I'd hear you say something like that.
imtightnslick: I've been saying it for two days. You just didn't know it was me.
trixxx4kixxx: I guess so.
trixxx4kixxx: Well, I'm not ready to walk away yet.
imtightnslick: Damn it, Mulder, you already had!
trixxx4kixxx: I thought I had to! You had just tried to kill me! And if I believe what you've told me, that's certainly no longer a threat, you can't take your hand off your dick long enough to reach for your gun!
imtightnslick: What the FUCK do you want from me!
trixxx4kixxx: I don't know! I just can't give up like you have!
imtightnslick: Jesus, Mulder.
imtightnslick: I liked you better as trix.
trixxx4kixxx: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
imtightnslick: You've already thrown him out. You've taken the best thing I've done with my life, and you're gonna throw it away for what? More pain?
imtightnslick: Maybe I was the one who had the lie.
trixxx4kixxx: What?! What are you talking about?
imtightnslick: I'm talking about Ziggy Kennedy! Gay Ziggy Kennedy! Who was going to write up a grant for deep sea diving in Bermuda and quotes Star Wars and who FUCKED me and LIKED me and was just about to have a LIFE!
imtightnslick: He was the best friend I've ever had in my life. And now I don't know if he ever existed at all. It's a great revenge, Mulder, I gotta give you that.imtightnslick: Are you there?
trixxx4kixxx: He wasn't a lie. But he wasn't all of me, either. Just like Alex was real, but he wasn't all of you.
trixxx4kixxx: I hadn't been me for so long, I'd forgotten a large part of myself. Getting out of there was all I could think about.
imtightnslick: Until you found out it was me.
trixxx4kixxx: Well, yes. You're part of my past. You brought it all back. You reminded me of what I used to be.
imtightnslick: Great.
trixxx4kixxx: Krycek, I told you. As Trix. That I've always known what I was here to do. That even when things got really bad, that carried me through.
trixxx4kixxx: That hasn't changed. I wasn't happy living in hiding. I don't think I can be happy living without my purpose.
imtightnslick: Fine. Go be happy, Mulder. Have a nice life.
trixxx4kixxx: I don't want to do it alone.
imtightnslick: You just want the same thing from me that they wanted. You wanna use me. Use me up.
trixxx4kixxx: That's NOT what I want.
trixxx4kixxx: I want someone to help me with this. I think together you and I can win this.
imtightnslick: You're very optimistic, Mulder. And what if we don't? What if we spend the rest of our days fighting a losing war? Like we've done for how many years now? What if you lose YOUR arm, too? What if they get me AGAIN? I will NOT give up the only good I've ever had in my life to find myself faced off with you in another parking garage, squeezing the trigger again against my will!!!!
trixxx4kixxx: Jesus, Krycek, do you think that's what I want?
imtightnslick: I don't know what you want. I don't think you do, either.
trixxx4kixxx: I want to keep the world from being taken over by supersoldiers.
imtightnslick: Well I just want a little peace.
trixxx4kixxx: You're not going to have it, Krycek. You're going to have another year or two of living in the woods cybering with total strangers before you end up dead or enslaved by the colonists.
imtightnslick: You can offer me something better?
trixxx4kixxx: Yes, goddamn it! I can offer you cold Chinese food, great sex, and Star Wars quotes while we STOP colonization, giving us another forty or so years to figure out what to do with ourselves once the war's over!
trixxx4kixxx: Well???
imtightnslick: Well why didn't you say so?
imtightnslick: ;-)
trixxx4kixxx: You drive me fucking nuts, you know that?
imtightnslick: The feeling's mutual, Mulder.
trixxx4kixxx: All right. So.
trixxx4kixxx: Does your offer still stand? For me to come to Climax?
imtightnslick: LOL Yeah, Mulder, that offer always stands.
trixxx4kixxx: I'll be there tomorrow, then. Lay in a store of cold Chinese food and orange juice.
imtightnslick: You got it.
trixxx4kixxx: And you better not be lying about that pair of jeans with a hole in the ass.
imtightnslick: Guess you'll see when you get here, Mulder.
trixxx4kixxx: ***This user has signed off and is no longer online***