Taken
by Satina and Shannon
Date First Posted: 2/25/05Rating: NC-17 * Pairing: M/K
Archive Permissions: Freely given, but please use HTML format to preserve the IM quality.
Disclaimers: Mulder and Krycek are not my characters. They belong to Fox and Chris Carter.
Warnings: Graphic, hardcore BDSM cybering ahead.
Summary:
Mulder (takenOne4Fun) finds Krycek (aliengoo222) in a chatroom and decides to anonymously mindfuck him...and more...
Feedback Welcomed HERE.
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takenOne4Fun: Hi. - I saw your question in the chat and wondered if I could ask you something?
aliengoo222: Who are you?
takenOne4Fun: Just another enthusiast...don't worry, I won't bite. :-*
aliengoo222: All right. What's your question?
takenOne4Fun: Have you ever been taken?
aliengoo222: Not personally, no.
takenOne4Fun: I guess you can tell from my name that I have. And many times, actually.
takenOne4Fun: A lot of the people who hang out in those chat rooms are such freaks, but you seem really intelligent.
takenOne4Fun: And not scared of the whole thing. I mean, it's not all bad, you know? I get sooooo tired of all the victim stuff.
takenOne4Fun: I've had all kinds of experiences...some of them bad, but some of them good. Very good. Do you know what I mean? ;-)
aliengoo222: No.
takenOne4Fun: Well, not all of the aliens are bad, right?
aliengoo222: I wouldn't know. I wasn't the one taken. Maybe you should be talking to someone more like yourself. Have a nice night.
takenOne4Fun: But you seem to really know what's going on, not like those others. Don't send me back in there... ::pout::
takenOne4Fun: I'm tired of all the bullshit, that's all. I just want to talk to someone with brains.
aliengoo222: What makes you think *I* have them any more than anybody else in there?
takenOne4Fun: Well, I've been watching you.
aliengoo222: What do you mean, you've been watching me?
takenOne4Fun: You try to hide, but I've got you figured out.
aliengoo222: You do, huh? Do tell.
takenOne4Fun: Your other names. So far I count five. You really don't want to make any connections, do you? I don't blame you. There are some real weirdos out there. And yet you keep coming back...
aliengoo222: What other names? I think you've got me wrong. Maybe confused with someone else?
takenOne4Fun: greygroupie9, abducteeman77, lookin4contact (my favorite) and ufowatcherzetc.
aliengoo222: Should I be worried? If you're a stalker, I'll let you know right now; I don't do stalked well.
takenOne4Fun: I'm sure you don't. No, I'm not into that. I respect you. That's why I've been watching you. Watching for you. And then you showed up tonight and made my night. :-)
aliengoo222: I hate to disappoint you, Taken. I'm not that fun. And I have a lot of work to do.
takenOne4Fun: C'mon, goo. Don't you get lonely?
takenOne4Fun: And I think you're really fun.
takenOne4Fun: It all depends on one's definition of fun, doesn't it?
takenOne4Fun: What's yours?
aliengoo222: Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I'm really not in the mood to be social. I'm sure there are other intelligent people out there for you to connect with.
takenOne4Fun: No, there really aren't. I don't usually come on this strongly. I don't mean to scare you.
aliengoo222: I'm not scared of you. I'm just a loner.
takenOne4Fun: Nobody can be alone all the time, goo. You must get lonely sometimes. C'mon. I can play this any way you want to...just give a little.
takenOne4Fun: It's just a cyber. Nobody has to know anything. And it can be whatever you want it to be.
aliengoo222: Look elsewhere. I'm not interested. Thanks.
takenOne4Fun: What *are* you interested in?
aliengoo222: Getting my work done.
takenOne4Fun: Not getting your cock sucked?
takenOne4Fun: Slow and soft...or I can do it hard and fast...I can take you deep...
takenOne4Fun: C'mon...you need to relax and treat yourself once in awhile.
takenOne4Fun: You deserve a little fun.
aliengoo222: Look...miss? I'm really busy. I can appreciate your dilemna, but you've got the wrong guy, okay?
takenOne4Fun: And what if I'm not a 'miss'?
aliengoo222: Sorry. I just assumed...
takenOne4Fun: So did I. That's why I came on like I thought a woman would. Thought it might be my only 'in'.
aliengoo222: So you're not? A woman?
takenOne4Fun: No, I'm not.
aliengoo222: Is this some kind of game? What are you trying to do here, Taken? I'm not amused.
takenOne4Fun: Okay, I'll be straight...heh...with you. Like I said, I've been watching you. I don't know what it is, but I get this really hot vibe off you. Like maybe you're a lot like me. And I figured if I came on like some hot, horny bimbo I could get a good cyberfuck out of you. Looks like you're more like me than I even thought.
aliengoo222: So you're *not* an oversexed porn star? I guess that's somewhat reassuring. I still don't understand why you're so into me. I haven't done anything.
takenOne4Fun: Like I said. It's a vibe. You try to come off all business, but there's this heat underneath it all. Like you're just saving it for something special.
takenOne4Fun: I can be that, if you'll just give me a chance.
takenOne4Fun: I'm smart, discreet, horny as hell and good at cybering. And you can make me look like anyone you want to. And we can do anything you want to.
takenOne4Fun: C'mon, we both know most cyber offers are vapid morons with more typos than brains. When do you get the chance to cyberfuck someone who can keep up with you? CAN anyone ever keep up with you?
aliengoo222: Look... I wasn't lying when I said I have business. Even if I wanted to, I really don't have time for anything, Taken.
takenOne4Fun: Wouldn't have to take long.
aliengoo222: You so sure about that? About your...abilities?
takenOne4Fun: You'll never know unless you try.
takenOne4Fun: How do you want me? Butch and hard? Pretty and soft? Tall, short, freaky, bald...
aliengoo222: Not bald. I mean, not anything. You've got the wrong man.
takenOne4Fun: Blonde? Brunette? Slender build or buff? Short, fat cock or long and skinny?
takenOne4Fun: Do you want me on my knees, or do you want me to throw you over the nearest piece of sturdy furniture.
aliengoo222: You're very persistent.
takenOne4Fun: I'm very hard.
takenOne4Fun: Do you wanna suck it?
takenOne4Fun: Or do you want me to go down on you.
takenOne4Fun: I'll just squeeze and stroke it a few times while you decide.
takenOne4Fun: goo?
takenOne4Fun: I'm starting to drip some precum here.
aliengoo222: Suck me hard. I don't have all night.
takenOne4Fun: MMM....you wanna stand up for that? Or should I crawl between your knees while you sit in your office chair.
aliengoo222: Crawl.
takenOne4Fun: I'll undo your fly with my teeth, if that's okay with you.
aliengoo222: Wait. Stop. That's not what I want.
takenOne4Fun: ...waiting...
aliengoo222: Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
takenOne4Fun: What am I wearing?
takenOne4Fun: Is my hair soft or coarse?
takenOne4Fun: Do you grab hold of it roughly, or do you stroke your hand through it?
aliengoo222: Armani suit. Soft, brown hair. And I don't want you to suck me. You'd never suck me. I wanna blow you. Push me down to my knees, dammit.
takenOne4Fun: Get down there, you little whore. And take it deep, don't fuck around.
takenOne4Fun: Choke on it.
aliengoo222: I'm gonna take that long, dripping dick to the back of my throat. Down it. You taste good. Crotch sweat and pre-cum.
takenOne4Fun: Your hair feels good gripped in my fingers, too. Oh yeah, stretch it open wide. Just hold still, damn it. I'm gonna fucking use you up.
aliengoo222: Use me. Gag me. Punish me. Screw me.
takenOne4Fun: Fuck yeah, I'm gonna come. But you don't deserve to swallow it. I'm gonna pull it out and spray it all over your fucking face.
takenOne4Fun: Lick it up.
aliengoo222: Yes. Stick my tongue out and lick at the spurting tipof your cumming cock. Lick it off the corners of my mouth. Try to lick it off your fingers while you jack your dick.
takenOne4Fun: Slap your mouth away with my still spurting cock and smear it all over your cheek.
takenOne4Fun: Suck me hard again. I'm gonna fuck you.
aliengoo222: Gonna come... How'd you know? Who are you? Don't care. Rip my pants down to my ankles. Piston my mouth on your cock... Get it hard... Hard so you can put it in me...fuck me good. Please...
takenOne4Fun: Yank your whore mouth off my cock before you can suck me dry again and throw you down across my desk.
aliengoo222: Open me...open up my hole. Spit on it. Cram it in. Hurt me. I'm ready.
takenOne4Fun: I don't fucking care if you're ready or not. I'm ready. I take just enough time to line up with that little brown hole and then I ram it in deep.
takenOne4Fun: Burns a little, since the only lube is cum and spit. But I just ignore the pain and the scream and start fucking you hard.
aliengoo222: Gonna bruise my hard dick on your desk. Make me raw. Mark me from the inside. Never want to bleed for anybody but you. Fuck that cock into my tight ass and claim what's yours.
takenOne4Fun: You better not come all over my papers, slut. You don't come until I tell you to. Just lay there and let me use your ass until I'm done with you.
aliengoo222: Fucking me so hard the desk is scooting across the floor. You're grabbing me by the hair. You're slamming your cock into me. My cock is crushed...red, swollen, crying, ready to erupt. Holding it. Gritting my teeth and holding it...clamping my ass closed around your dick.
takenOne4Fun: Awwwwfuck! I'm gonna lose it...gonna pump you so full of me you're gonna taste it for weeks...
aliengoo222: Give me that thick, rank, butt-full of cum. Jerk my head back and let it fly.
takenOne4Fun: Hold you by the hair and grind in so deep you're gonna have a permanent imprint from the edge of my desk, jerk you back by the hip and start letting it loose, splashing into your guts, my mouth open on a long, loud groan.
takenOne4Fun: Don't you fucking come!
aliengoo222: Permanent imprint of your *cock* inside me! Always and forever reformed for you. My asshole will be cock-shaped, your perfect sheath, always, always ready for you. If I squeeze out one more jet from you, can I get on my knees and spill at your feet?
takenOne4Fun: No. I pull it out roughly, and you cry out.
takenOne4Fun: Turn around.
aliengoo222: Whip me with it. With your dangling, spent, cum-wet cock. Whip my face and mouth. Please?
takenOne4Fun: Clean it off, whore. Lick your ass off my cock. And don't you dare fucking touch yourself.
aliengoo222: Fuuuuuuuuck. Not touching... Cumming... without...touching... Shiiiittttt...
takenOne4Fun: Slapping your cock hard, back and forth with my hand to punish you, making you spurt everywhere.
aliengoo222: Awshit... Too much. So much cum. Never this much. Fucking humiliating. Shit, I'm crying. Feels so good. Too good. I close my eyes.
takenOne4Fun: *Now* you can get on your knees. And lick your cum off my legs and office floor.
aliengoo222: God, thank you. Thank you. Shit, it tastes good. My cum on you. All over you. Lick up the glistening beads and trails of spunk, moaning...
takenOne4Fun: Make sure you get every last speck. And put those lips on the floor and lick up every drop.
aliengoo222: Slurp it up. Mmmm... Fuck yeah. You kick me lightly, under the jaw with your dress shoe...show me where I missed.
takenOne4Fun: Fuck yeah. Leave a dirt print on your face.
aliengoo222: Lapping slowly at the floor at your feet, ass in the air, leaking cum...trembling.
takenOne4Fun: Tucking away my cock and fastening up my pants while I watch you work. Tucking my shirt back in as you try to get up on shaking legs, leaning heavily on my desk for support, licking the dirt and cum off your lips.
takenOne4Fun: Get dressed before someone comes in and finds us.
aliengoo222: ::nods:: Shaking hand...trying... I zip up and skirt by you to the door. I look up at you...
takenOne4Fun: ...not sure what you'd want from me there, goo...help me out a little.
aliengoo222: I want you to tell me to get out. Then I want you to tell me to be at your place the next night.
takenOne4Fun: Midnight. And don't fucking be late or it's over.
aliengoo222: Won't be late. Promise.
aliengoo222: Taken? You cool?
takenOne4Fun: Damn, I knew you'd be hot, but...damn.
aliengoo222: Sorry I brushed you off so many times. I, uh, didn't think I'd be into this. You...changed my mind.
takenOne4Fun: Yeah, told ya I was good. ;-)
aliengoo222: I don't usually do this. I don't cyber much. It was worth it. How'd you know to be so nasty? Mind if I ask?
takenOne4Fun: Guess I'm just intuitive. That's what people say, anyway. And that I'm like a rat terrier when I want something. You know, one of those dogs that was bred to hunt rats? Persistent, I guess you could say.
aliengoo222: Yeah, I'd say. You knew just what I wanted. I came buckets.
takenOne4Fun: Me too. Three times. That's a record for me. Without motorized equipment, anyway.
aliengoo222: I'm really loose now. I didn't think that was possible. I've been really stressed. You wanna do this again sometime?
takenOne4Fun: Absolutely, now that I've tamed you. ;-)
aliengoo222: Uh, yeah. So when?
takenOne4Fun: Like I said, I'm here every Friday night. And I can be here other nights, if I have enough notice.
takenOne4Fun: So...this Armani guy...what's he look like, besides the brown hair? I wanna be good for you.
aliengoo222: How do you know he's real?
takenOne4Fun: Because you're so hot for him.
takenOne4Fun: What do you want me to call you?
aliengoo222: Call me...rat.
aliengoo222: You?
takenOne4Fun: This isn't really about me.
takenOne4Fun: This is all for you. What YOU want. It just so happens that what you want gets me off, too.
takenOne4Fun: So, tell me. What does he look like?
takenOne4Fun: Is he a big strong guy? I mean, being such a top and all?
aliengoo222: No. He's...lanky.
aliengoo222: He's tall and on the thin side. But it works on him. I wouldn't want him buff and ripped.
aliengoo222: Well, I'd *want* him, but you know what I mean.
aliengoo222: He's kind of... Well, he's beautiful. I feel ridiculous describing him that way. But trust me, it's true. He's got a strong, Roman nose, deep, reflective changing eyes, great lips you'd just want to fuck silly...
aliengoo222: And he's got great hands. Fantastic hands.
aliengoo222: And he's hung. Not too thick, but long and proud and just really nice. I saw it once a few years ago. It's cut and pink and it sways between his legs like some animal dong. It's perfect. And you did it well. Like you've seen it. I guess maybe that's your preference, too?
takenOne4Fun: I never really described it, actually. But I'm glad it worked for ya.
aliengoo222: Sorry. It really felt like... Like you were him. So, you don't mind that it's not you I was with? You got no problem with that, Taken?
takenOne4Fun: None at all. I want *you*. I sought you out. I told you, for me, it's all about the vibes. And you've got 'em.
aliengoo222: Well...thanks. I didn't know I needed it until you gave it to me.
takenOne4Fun: I guess I could tell you did. I knew I did.
takenOne4Fun: And don't worry, I'm not some 80-year old guy with no teeth. ;-) How 'bout you?
aliengoo222: No. I'm young. Well, pretty young. Early 30s. And I don't think I'm repulsive. ;)
takenOne4Fun: What about other people? Do they think you're repulsive? ;-)
aliengoo222: It doesn't appear so.
takenOne4Fun: Touche. But it's not about what you look like. Hey, while we're not cybering, when I'm just me, what can I call you?
aliengoo222: A. For aliengoo222. ;)
takenOne4Fun: All right then, A. What do you want to call me?
aliengoo222: You mean you want me to choose? You don't want to tell me?
takenOne4Fun: Remember, this is all about me being whatever you want.
takenOne4Fun: You don't want me, you want some guy in Armani. Hey, it's no sweat, since you don't know me. So...what do you want to call me? During cybers and after?
aliengoo222: M
takenOne4Fun: both times?
takenOne4Fun: Or just Taken and M?
aliengoo222: Yeah. Taken when we're not. M when we are. That cool?
takenOne4Fun: Totally.
takenOne4Fun: Of course, could be a little awkward for you to say, "Fuck me harder, M!" ;-)
aliengoo222: I'll just leave it out. It's okay. I'll know.
takenOne4Fun: Yeah, guess so.
takenOne4Fun: So, this guy an ex?
aliengoo222: I guess you could say that. But we never fucked. He's an ex...something. Just not a lover.
takenOne4Fun: Ah yeah, I get ya. Never had him, always wanted him.
aliengoo222: Yeah. Like that.
takenOne4Fun: So, how long have you wanted him?
aliengoo222: I guess it's been three and a half years now. Pretty much right from the start...when we first met.
takenOne4Fun: Oh yeah? You still see him at all?
aliengoo222: From time to time.
takenOne4Fun: But you never let on?
aliengoo222: Not in any obvious way that he'd notice. When we first met, he was too into himself. Or I thought he was. Doesn't matter. Things just didn't work out. And it was my fault before you get all sympathetic. I don't really wanna talk about what happened between us, T.
takenOne4Fun: So he's conceited?
aliengoo222: Not exactly. He's this...blend of incredibly self-centered and...just guilt-ridden and self-flagellating.
takenOne4Fun: Likes to beat off? ;-)
aliengoo222: I'm sure he does, with his tool. But no. He's got issues. Don't we all? But his are...well, I helped cement some of them. Not something I'm proud of, but not something I could exactly avoid. Look, I'm really not interested in unearthing my history with him. It's complicated. And you don't need to know to give me what I want. You did fucking good without knowing all this.
takenOne4Fun: Thanks. I have a gift, I guess.
takenOne4Fun: So did you just want his ass, or was there something else there? That's not talking about what happened, and I think it *will* help me give you what you want. Or need. From him.
aliengoo222: I told you that I didn't want to get into this. Any of it. I'm through for the night. If this really is all for me, then I'm done. Let's make an appointment for next time and leave each other alone.
takenOne4Fun: It IS for you. Because as long as I give you what you want, I should be able to get a little of what I want.
aliengoo222: So you just wanna come? Why me? That 'vibe' you said you felt? You're telling me I'm the best you could come up with to serve your purposes?
takenOne4Fun: I *don't* just wanna come. You're right, I could get that anywhere. I want you. I want what's in your head. That's what attracted me from the chats.
aliengoo222: You sure got a lot about me from a very little bit of interaction. All right. So you wanna know if it was just physical or something more? Do I have it right?
takenOne4Fun: Yep, you have it right.
aliengoo222: At first, it was physical. Not just his looks, though. His...pheromones. And his attitude. Something happened right away. Something I didn't expect.
takenOne4Fun: What *did* you expect?
aliengoo222: Well, I can control my physical reaction around attractive men. I thought I'd be able to with him. I couldn't. Still can't. So there's more.
takenOne4Fun: Base animal attraction?
aliengoo222: Sure. But more.
takenOne4Fun: How much more?
takenOne4Fun: Remember...I can give him to you...every night if you want...
takenOne4Fun: You just have to give me what I want.
aliengoo222: What exactly is that?
takenOne4Fun: To crawl around in your sweet, beautiful head, A.
aliengoo222: You're kind of a sicko in your own special way. You're not going to want me to send you a lock of my hair in the mail or anything, are you?
takenOne4Fun: No. ;-) I don't need what's on your head, just what's in it.
takenOne4Fun: See, I knew from the chats that I wanted to cyber. But it wasn't until the cyber that I knew I wanted inside you.
takenOne4Fun: And now you know I can give you what you want.
takenOne4Fun: I'm not asking you to kill anybody.
aliengoo222: All right. Fine.
aliengoo222: We click. We fucking click. But it's the kind of click that you hear before a bomb goes off. There's heat. There's animal attraction, at least on my end, but there's more. There's... Something in him gives me something in myself I didn't know was there. Not all good. Mostly not good. I dunno. But the good is... Incredible.
aliengoo222: The *bad* is incredible, T.
takenOne4Fun: Tell me about the good.
aliengoo222: I get off on how passionate he is.
takenOne4Fun: Get off on? Like...get a kick out of? Think it's weird and different?
aliengoo222: Like feeeeed on. Like get hard because of. Like want to fuck his brains out. Like he's everything in that moment.
aliengoo222: I don't know if I can do this, T.
takenOne4Fun: You sound kinda fucked up over this guy.
aliengoo222: I'm not. I handle it.
takenOne4Fun: What do you want from him?
aliengoo222: That's a big fucking question, T. You have no idea what you just asked me.
takenOne4Fun: So tell me.
aliengoo222: I'm seeing that terrier thing, totally.
aliengoo222: It actually... Well, it reminds me of him.
takenOne4Fun: Really. I guess that's probably why I'm able to 'do' him so well for you.
aliengoo222: Well, anyway. What I want from him. It's different at different times. Like sometimes I think it'd be enough for him to fuck me. Nothing else changes. He just decides he'd rather fuck me than not. And that's fine. I'm fine with that.
takenOne4Fun: So you really do just want his ass. Well, actually, his cock.
aliengoo222: He wouldn't let me have both. In a million years...maybe his cock.
takenOne4Fun: I'll remember never to 'switch it up' in our cybers, then.
aliengoo222: It's why I couldn't let you go down on me. I may want it, but I can't picture him doing it. I mean, I *can*...I do. But...it's futile. I think I can believe he'd fuck me. Maybe.
aliengoo222: Sometimes...that's not enough. I want more. I want to deserve his forgiveness. But that doesn't last long. I don't deserve it and I hate him for being so goddamned good. That one never feels good. So I guess I don't want it from him.
takenOne4Fun: So why not just force him? Take what you want? His mouth, his ass...all of it.
aliengoo222: You're condoning rape? You did this with me...thinking I'm capable of that? How sick *are* you, T?
takenOne4Fun: How sick do you need me to be, A.?
aliengoo222: Cybering is different.
takenOne4Fun: I'm just asking. You said you wanted it, don't think you can have it...so why not just take it?
aliengoo222: Because that would make me a rapist. I'm not a fucking rapist. I don't need to get any more reprehensible to him. Or myself.
takenOne4Fun: You hate yourself?
aliengoo222: Sometimes I hate what I've done.
takenOne4Fun: Sometimes?
aliengoo222: A lot. What the hell do you care? If I told you what I've done, you'd hate me, too, and then you'd be just like him and I'd have to find another freak to cyber with. You see how it goes?
takenOne4Fun: Ah, but you haven't yet grasped the beauty of what's between us. You can tell me anything. I don't care. And I'll just keep giving you what you want.
takenOne4Fun: Because to me, it's allllll good. Everything you give me of you. The bad...hell, that shit's even better.
aliengoo222: Some say that's what the aliens do feed off the bad in us.
aliengoo222: *I* think it's what shrinks do. Don't they, T?
takenOne4Fun: Heh...caught, cum-stain-handed.
takenOne4Fun: But I don't just want the bad. I want the good.
takenOne4Fun: So, tell me the good.
aliengoo222: There are these times...when it's like he forgets that he hates me. He looks at me and his eyes are so clear and his lips are parted and he really *looks* at me. I feel like shit and like gold in that moment.
takenOne4Fun: You want him to like you.
aliengoo222: There's not a lot to like. I'd lose respect for him if he liked me.
takenOne4Fun: I see. So, okay, he fucks you. Then what? That's it? You got what you want and you move on to something else?
aliengoo222: It's not like that.
takenOne4Fun: So what's it like, then? What happens after he fucks you?
aliengoo222: Like I said. He tells me to get out, but then he wants me back the next night. It's hard to believe in anything more than that between us.
takenOne4Fun: I'm not asking what you believe in. I'm asking what you *want*.
aliengoo222: I don't usually let myself want things I don't believe in.
takenOne4Fun: Some say wanting is the precursor to ever having.
aliengoo222: Some say wanting's just an invitation to get your heart broken.
takenOne4Fun: Wow...strong words. So your heart's involved in this?
takenOne4Fun: Not just your cock and ass and mouth and nipples and...?
takenOne4Fun: So you're afraid he'd break your heart?
takenOne4Fun: Is he like that?
aliengoo222: What do you mean?
takenOne4Fun: Well, he fucks you. You...want more. He tells you to fuck off. Is that what you're afraid of?
aliengoo222: Maybe. I don't know.
takenOne4Fun: Well, then that's what I mean. Is he like that? The kind of guy that would fuck you and then tell you to fuck off if you wanted it to be more than just sex.
aliengoo222: I don't deserve more than that. He knows that.
takenOne4Fun: Hmmm. What do you think *he* wants from you?
aliengoo222: My death?
takenOne4Fun: For real?
aliengoo222: Maybe. I don't know. He's kind, not cruel. I'm just that bad. Sometimes...I think he'd settle for me to just magically turn good. If I could do that, he might forgive the past.
takenOne4Fun: So you think he wants you to change.
takenOne4Fun: Could you? Change? For him?
aliengoo222: I'm trying. Kind of. It's hard to try when I don't think it's in me.
takenOne4Fun: Really...you're trying?
aliengoo222: I'm...doing things. I'm trying to give him some of what he wants. What I think he wants.
takenOne4Fun: Why?
aliengoo222: Well, technically, for both our best interests. Not so technically? Becasue I want him to... I don't know what I want. Just something. Something different.
takenOne4Fun: Is he happy with the way things are?
aliengoo222: LOL! No.
takenOne4Fun: So he wants something different, too.
aliengoo222: Yeah.
takenOne4Fun: Maybe something besides your death.
aliengoo222: Look, I don't need a shrink right now. I didn't ask for one. I didn't even ask for a cyber-fuck buddy. This isn't what I signed on for. You can't change things. There's absolutely no good that can come of this. So drop it, okay?
takenOne4Fun: What do you think he really wants?
aliengoo222: What's WRONG with you? I said drop it, goddamn it!
takenOne4Fun: And I said this is what I want, and in exchange, I'll give you HIM. M. Just the way you want him.
takenOne4Fun: You only *think* you've seen how good I can make it for you, A.
takenOne4Fun: But you have to give me what I want. Everything I want.
aliengoo222: The sex was hot. I'll give you that. But you can't give me what I want. You're not HIM.
takenOne4Fun: You've seen me work. The more you give me, the more HIM I can be.
takenOne4Fun: And you can see, he and I have enough in common that I can be him for you even when we're not cybering, IF you give me enough to go on.
aliengoo222: You want to know what I think he wants.
takenOne4Fun: Yes.
aliengoo222: If not my death... I think he wants to see me pay for what I've done to him. But I don't know if that would be enough. I don't see how it could be.
takenOne4Fun: Pay how?
aliengoo222: Imprisonment? Beatings? I don't know. I think there's a part of him that would be satisfied with nothing less than turning back the clock and changing the past.
takenOne4Fun: So he's not the forgiving type?
aliengoo222: What I've done...you just don't forgive somebody for this shit just because they say they're sorry.
takenOne4Fun: What have you done?
aliengoo222: I can't tell you.
takenOne4Fun: Why?
aliengoo222: I can't give any kind of written record. I can't even give a written record of why I can't give a written record.
takenOne4Fun: Sounds very clandestine. But A., there is no proof of who you are, so it doesn't matter what you say. This could never, ever go on any kind of official record.
takenOne4Fun: You're just some anonymous cyberguy telling stories to some other anonymous cyberguy.
aliengoo222: Yeah, and once I say this shit, you'll fucking up and leave. No way.
takenOne4Fun: I won't leave. What, are you kidding? This is my wet dream, A. *You're* my wet dream. I'm not going anywhere. No matter what you tell me.
aliengoo222: I betrayed him when he thought he could trust me. I helped aliens and sick, old men abduct and experiment on his partner and friend. I killed his father. I lied to him. I manipluated him. I got him thrown in a Russian torture camp. What the fuck do you think of me now, Taken? What the FUCK is left about me that makes me your wet dream?
takenOne4Fun: I guess it's how tortured you seem about all of it.
takenOne4Fun: Have you ever been hurt by someone, A.? I mean, really hurt?
aliengoo222: What do you mean? Physically?
takenOne4Fun: No, I mean emotionally.
takenOne4Fun: The way you hurt him.
takenOne4Fun: Psychologically, by someone you cared about.
takenOne4Fun: Come on, we all have.
aliengoo222: Father.
takenOne4Fun: Okay. Now really think about this. What is it you really, really want from him?
takenOne4Fun: Besides to not have hurt you in the first place.
aliengoo222: For him to know what he did to me. And to be sorry.
takenOne4Fun: Exactly.
aliengoo222: This is different.
takenOne4Fun: And to stop hurting you.
aliengoo222: He has stopped. He's a cold corpse in the ground.
takenOne4Fun: That's not the point. The point is, when someone hurts you, someone you care about, what you really want, more than revenge, more than even justice, is for them to really know how badly they hurt you and to be deeply sorry for it and never do it again.
aliengoo222: Sometimes I wanted him to hurt. But then I'd just feel sad thinking about it. And then I'd hate him some more.
takenOne4Fun: Your father? And now he's dead. Which would you rather have? Him dead, or him deeply sorry?
aliengoo222: But HE's different. What I've done to him is different.
takenOne4Fun: My father's dead, too.
takenOne4Fun: And I hated him.
takenOne4Fun: He hurt me. Deeply. Over and over and OVER.
takenOne4Fun: And yet, when he died, it was WORSE than all the horrible shit he'd done to me my whole life. You know why?
takenOne4Fun: Because now he'll never tell me how sorry he is for all of it.
aliengoo222: If you weren't being so nice to me, I'd think you *were* him.
takenOne4Fun: We've all had pain, A. He's not that unique.
aliengoo222: But how can you know all he wants is for me to be sorry and never hurt him again?
takenOne4Fun: It's human. It's what we all want. We don't want to hate. I didn't really get that until my father died. Because I hated him. Sometimes I wanted to kill him. But when he died, that's when I realized what I *really* wanted.
takenOne4Fun: And it's what we all want. I don't even know why. But tell me it's not true for you, too.
aliengoo222: But I don't know HOW to be a good person! When I try, I end up just handing over something stupid...something he needs, yeah, something the WORLD needs, but it's nothing really. It's just a thing. But it's all I know how to give.
takenOne4Fun: I don't know about that. What I do know is that what we all want when we're wronged is ACKNOWLEDGMENT of the wrong done, and the intent to never harm again.
takenOne4Fun: Acknowledgement and intent.
aliengoo222: So...I can take him some thing and then just...confess? Tell him I'm sorry and that I *intend* not to hurt him again? Seems a little flimsy, pansy-ass metaphysical, T.
takenOne4Fun: Well that's the thing. When they tell you they're sorry, they have to MEAN it. And somehow, you have to KNOW they mean it. BELIEVE they mean it. And you have to believe that they truly do intend not to harm you anymore.
takenOne4Fun: And that's hard, when someone has hurt you badly. It's hard to give them the chance to hurt you again. Somehow, they have to make it worth your risk.
aliengoo222: I'm afraid he'll never believe a word out of my mouth ever again.
takenOne4Fun: That is a problem. But one we'll deal with later. Right now, deal with me. What can you offer him that would make it worth the risk he'd take in believing you?
takenOne4Fun: This takes really knowing him...knowing what he wants...
aliengoo222: Are you just trying to get information for some thesis you're writing or something?
takenOne4Fun: Nope, this is just how I get off.
takenOne4Fun: You're right, I'm a bit of a sicko.
aliengoo222: All right. Whatever. If you can help me...fix things...then you can use what I tell you in whatever perverted private experiment you want.
takenOne4Fun: Thank you.
takenOne4Fun: So...what are you willing to offer?
aliengoo222: Well, he always wants The Truth. I can give him some of that. Maybe more than he knows in some ways and less in others, so I'm afraid he'll think I'm lying to him if I don't give him the *kind* of information he thinks I should have.
takenOne4Fun: Why don't you not worry about what he thinks you should have, and worry instead about what he wants that you DO have.
aliengoo222: Well... I am sorry. For all of it. And I'm afraid he won't believe me.
takenOne4Fun: And are you willing to make changes so you don't hurt him again? Big changes? Life changes? Is he worth that much to you?
takenOne4Fun: A.?
aliengoo222: I think he's worth my life.
aliengoo222: He's worth a lot of changes I haven't ever thought I could make before. I haven't thought I could because I thought I'd make them and then he'd still hate me. See, if I make them, it's not just so he'll fuck me or forgive me even. It's so he'll want to work with me. If I change and then he doesn't want that, I'm not sure I can survive. I mean literally. I'll be a sitting duck.
aliengoo222: But I can't just make the decision *so that* he'll work with me. It doesn't really count then, does it? And that's not really why, even if it's what I want more than anything. What I want even *more* than that is to look in his eyes and see him not hating me anymore... To see something there I haven't even let myself think.
takenOne4Fun: Do you love him?
takenOne4Fun: A.?
aliengoo222: yes
takenOne4Fun: yes, what?
takenOne4Fun: A.?
aliengoo222: yes
takenOne4Fun: yes, what, A.?
aliengoo222: yesilovehim
takenOne4Fun: You just realized that, didn't you.
aliengoo222: yeah
takenOne4Fun: Calm down. It's okay.
aliengoo222: no
takenOne4Fun: It's OKAY.
takenOne4Fun: Alex, it's okay.
aliengoo222: What?
takenOne4Fun: I said, it's okay.
takenOne4Fun: Alex?
aliengoo222: M?
takenOne4Fun: Yes, Alex, it's okay. Don't run.
aliengoo222: Say your name. You could be guessing at mine. Say it.
takenOne4Fun: It's me, Mulder.
takenOne4Fun: Don't run.
takenOne4Fun: Please.
aliengoo222: Am I under arrest?
takenOne4Fun: No.
takenOne4Fun: What I said before is true. There is no proof of who you are. Not officially.
aliengoo222: What the hell are you doing?
takenOne4Fun: Honestly?
takenOne4Fun: I found your screenname and wanted to have some fun with you.
takenOne4Fun: DON'T RUN.
aliengoo222: fuckyou
takenOne4Fun: Please, Alex, just don't leave.
takenOne4Fun: I had NO CLUE how you felt about me. I wanted to fuck with you because you fucked with me, kissing me like that. I just wanted to play with your head a little in return.
takenOne4Fun: I didn't even know you were gay. I came on as a woman, for chrissakes!
takenOne4Fun: Then, when it was ME you wanted, I realized how much I wanted that, too.
aliengoo222: You're still fucking with me.
takenOne4Fun: No, I'm not. Alex, I'm not.
aliengoo222: I deserve it. All of it. I hope it's given you what you needed. I do. I really do.
takenOne4Fun: It has.
takenOne4Fun: I had no intention of doing anything more than cybering with you...repeatedly...for many, many nights to come...but that's because, like you, I never let myself think about what else I might want.
takenOne4Fun: God, Alex, all I ever wanted was to just work WITH you. To trust you to have my back. To be able to take what you had to give and not worry about it getting me KILLED.
takenOne4Fun: And to believe that you really knew how much you hurt me. Hell, I don't think I even realized it was *hurt* until tonight! I hadn't dug past the anger.
takenOne4Fun: You *HURT* me, Alex. Deeply. Repeatedly.
aliengoo222: None of this is admissable in court and you know it!
takenOne4Fun: Nope, not a word.
takenOne4Fun: We don't have anything concrete on you, anyway, just suspicion and you not showing up for work one day. No proof. Nothing to hold you on. Never did. You turned State's evidence for the bust in Flushing, in exchange for informing on the militia. We got nuthin'.
aliengoo222: So this was all for some personal need of yours. I understand. Like I said, I deserve it. But can we be done now? I'm ready to be done now. Do you have enough to make you happy? I want you to be happy. Can you be happy now so I can go?
takenOne4Fun: I won't be happy if you go. I want you to stay.
takenOne4Fun: Yes, this was ALL very personal. All for ME. Just for me and no one else.
aliengoo222: But I TOLD someone else! How can you even forgive just THAT?
aliengoo222: Just go away, Mulder.
takenOne4Fun: That's why I can believe it, Alex. Maybe the only way I ever could have. You told a complete stranger. And you had no reason to be lying. Or, you had reason to lie to look good in his eyes, and you chose truth.
takenOne4Fun: I've never given you reason to think you *could* tell me. And honestly, you couldn't. I was hurt too badly to believe. Kind of like you are.
takenOne4Fun: Alex, I feel it, too. The click. The heat. When we're together, *you* are everything in my world. And I hit you because I wanted you to *feel* my pain. Somehow, some way, I wanted you to *feel* something from me.
takenOne4Fun: I didn't know how much you were feeling. *Are* feeling. And I didn't even know, until tonight, what I told you. That what I really wanted was for you to KNOW how much you hurt me and to truly, truly be sorry. And for you to never want to hurt me again.
aliengoo222: I am. I'm sorry. imsorrymulderi'msorrymuldr sorry
takenOne4Fun: I know. It's okay, Alex. It's okay.
takenOne4Fun: Alex?
aliengoo222: cantseegoodhandfrozeup
takenOne4Fun: It's okay. I'll wait. Just breathe. You never breathe right around me. ;-)
aliengoo222: no
aliengoo222: don'twanttohurt
takenOne4Fun: I know.
aliengoo222: know/
aliengoo222: ?
takenOne4Fun: I believe.
takenOne4Fun: You.
takenOne4Fun: I should have known better than to think this would be light cyber fun. Actually, I'm sure that I did, really. I always stumble in where angels fear to tread. That's just my life.
takenOne4Fun: When I got your screenname, I could feel the power of it. I knew I was holding something BIG.
takenOne4Fun: I got that feeling. The one that zings up my arm into my chest and down into my cock and back up, stealing my breath.
aliengoo222: I steal your breath, too?
takenOne4Fun: Yeah, you do.
aliengoo222: And you...want me?
takenOne4Fun: Yeah, I do.
aliengoo222: How can you believe in me? In anything having to do with me?
takenOne4Fun: Part of it is just *wanting* to, really bad. I've never been able to stop that.
takenOne4Fun: Part of hitting you was misdirected anger at myself for wanting to believe in you so, so badly.
takenOne4Fun: And yes, at you, for not being trustworthy enough for me to just *surrender* to that *need* inside me.
aliengoo222: And...you think you can do that now? Surrender? Is this real? Is any of this real?
takenOne4Fun: God, Alex, you wouldn't believe how much I just want to put my life in your hands. Just give it over to you and *trust* you to have my back. Fuck, I did it in Russia! I completely trusted you to interpret for me! You could have done anything to me! You could have run at any time and left me stranded!
takenOne4Fun: But you didn't, did you. You just made me *think* you did. You little prick. But you wouldn't have left me there. God, I *know* that. You don't even have to say it.
aliengoo222: notleft
takenOne4Fun: I know. And I'm sorry about your arm. Really sorry.
aliengoo222: dontpityme don'tyou don't
takenOne4Fun: I don't. You created your own hell, Alex, and I'm damned sorry you did.
aliengoo222: You're right. I just thought...that you'd think that was a good thing.
takenOne4Fun: It is if it gets you to KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF.
aliengoo222: Do you think I can? Knock it the fuck off? Do you really believe in me?
takenOne4Fun: Despite my 'better judgement', yeah. I can't seem to stop.
takenOne4Fun: And whether you can or you can't, it's gonna hurt too much if we don't try.
aliengoo222: If you think I can, that makes a difference for me. I trust you, more than myself.
takenOne4Fun: You should.
takenOne4Fun: I've never let you down. You've let yourself down lots of times.
aliengoo222: Show me? Show me what I can do, Mulder. I want to believe, too.
takenOne4Fun: I think together we can do just about anything.
aliengoo222: Come over. Not to fuck. Exhausted from this. Just...come over? Be here?
takenOne4Fun: Where the hell are you???
aliengoo222: 3 miles west. Hilyard and Vine. House. Will disarm.
takenOne4Fun: Why don't you just come over here? You seem to have had your own key made already.
aliengoo222: Just thought...would help you trust me. But you're right. Don't want you to worry about walking into a trap.
takenOne4Fun: I wouldn't.
aliengoo222: So... You really want...?
aliengoo222: Me? There? For the night?
takenOne4Fun: For starters.
aliengoo222: willgobrushteethnow
takenOne4Fun: :-)
aliengoo222: *** This user has signed off and is no longer online ***