Summary: Krycek does his level best to make things up to Mulder.
NOTE: SEQUEL to Love Hurts, which can be found on my website.
Takes place post-Paper Clip and pre-Piper Maru. Things are going to deviate quite a bit from canon after that, so hang on
tight and enjoy the ride.
Archive: Ask and ye shall receive.
Spoilers: Sleepless, Duane Barry, Ascension, Anasazi, Blessing Way,
Paper Clip, and even Piper Maru, though it totally doesn't matter.
Feedback: PLEASE please please! It contributes to my delinquency. Send it here.
We'd each driven our own cars to Mulder's apartment after the police were
finally done with us and Mulder had refused anything but the most cursory
medical treatment numerous times. As I drove, I fought the rising paranoia
that filled my head with visions of Mulder slamming the door in my face once
we arrived at his apartment. It felt very strange to be following Mulder's
car and for him to *know* I was following him. I found myself wanting
to put a few cars between us to hide my presence, simply out of habit.
But, despite the nauseating panic, I made it to his building without passing
out. And to my utter shock, Mulder stepped out of his car, moving slowly
and carefully, and then took a few steps down the street to where I parked,
to meet me. I swallowed hard and stepped out of the car, fingering
the weapon at my side under my jacket out of more nervous habit. I
studied his face for some indication of what he might be feeling, but all
I could see was exhaustion and pain. Beyond that, I was looking at the trademark
Mulder-blank look. I decided to adopt the same expression and schooled
my face into calm impassivity. I walked closer and closer, wanting
so badly to look away from that puzzling gaze, but making every effort not
to lose the staring contest. By the time I got to where he was standing,
holding his ribs with one hand, I wasn't breathing.
I couldn't help but flick my eyes down to his battered ribcage and back,
and I felt my composure slip a little as my eyes narrowed in both sympathy
and anger. I wanted to stab and hit Cardinale all over again.
Of course, I knew that he wouldn't last more than a day or two in jail once
he recovered in the hospital, so I'd never get my chance. That really
pissed me off. But Mulder had wanted him taken in, and from now on,
what Mulder wants, Mulder gets, if it's within my power to give it to him.
As I came up to him, he slowly turned and began walking a half- step ahead
of me, leading me to his building. Blinking a bit at his confusingly
cold behavior, I fell into step behind him, shoving my hands into my jacket
pockets. I gritted my teeth until my jaw ached as I watched him walk
slowly and carefully up the front steps, reaching out slowly with his key
to unlock the entry door. I waited patiently, thinking embarrassedly
of the downstairs window in the laundry room that I'd used more than once
to gain access to his apartment. In fact, this was the first time since we'd
been partners that I'd come in the front door. I stepped through feeling
slightly dizzy with the headiness of it, and followed Mulder to the elevator.
He pressed the button and we waited, me stealing sideways glances at his
bruised and swollen face, him narrowing his eyes just slightly, watching
the indicator as the elevator descended, battered lips in a slight pout.
He wouldn't even look at me. I started to feel a solid stone settle
in my belly, sure that he'd had too much time to think during his drive over,
and that he would get me into his apartment and call the cops to go ahead
and take in their second Consortium agent of the day.
But, as I had decided in that other fourth floor apartment, if Mulder wanted
to send me up, I'd go.
The elevator dinged and Mulder stepped in without looking at me, and I quickly
stepped in right behind him. He turned to face the front as the doors
slid closed, and he briefly glanced at me as I moved in beside him, a scant
foot of space separating our bodies. I could hear his slightly shuddering
breaths, caused by the bruised and hopefully not broken ribs, as well as
my own panicked breathing, which I tried valiantly to control so as not to
show my weakness. We ascended to the fourth floor in silence, then
Mulder stepped out, again with me as his shadow, and walked to his door,
where he again slowly and carefully unlocked the door and swung it open.
I half expected him to slam it in my face, but he stopped just inside the
apartment and held the door open, waiting for me to step through. I
felt like the fly being reeled in by the seductive spider.
I stopped breathing again as he stepped in behind me to close the door, and
then he froze, still facing the door, hand on the knob. Oh god.
This was it. He was going to tell me he couldn't go through with it.
Couldn't help a known criminal escape justice. Maybe he'd even tell
me he didn't know what he'd been thinking when he'd said he loved me. Confusion
of the moment...adrenaline rush...still dazed from his head wound...
My body was rigid as I prepared to hear my death sentence.
"I'm not sure what to do now." His voice was quiet.
I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing, staring at his back,
eyes moving from one dusty bootmark to another, knowing that for each, Mulder
had a corresponding bruise under his clothing.
"Help me out here?" His voice was higher and he sounded so vulnerable.
I wanted nothing so much as to give him what he wanted. I swallowed
painfully and spoke, my own voice raspy with emotion.
"You do whatever you need to, Mulder. Whatever you do is okay with
me."
His shoulders sagged. Obviously I hadn't given him what he was asking
me for. He sighed, and I couldn't help but step in closer. I wasn't
sure if I'd be rebuffed or arrested or both, but either way I had to be closer
to him when he was that needy. I moved in until I was just a few inches away
from his back. He straightened up, sensing me come nearer, and I braced for
the words that I knew would cut me more deeply than anything I'd experienced
from him so far. It would hurt badly because he knew I loved him now,
and even worse because he'd told me he loved me, too.
Then his head leaned back, coming to rest on my shoulder, and I let all my
held breath out at once. I felt my hands come up out of my pockets
of their own volition, sliding softly up his arms and then wrapping around
him gently. He closed his eyes and sighed, letting his weight rest
against me. I held him up, his cheek almost touching mine. I
couldn't help myself...I needed more. I turned my head the slightest
bit and my lips brushed his battered jaw ever so gently...so gently I didn't
even know if he'd feel it. His body shuddered against me and I knew
he had.
I inhaled his scent deeply, my eyes closing as I brushed another careful
kiss along his jaw line and was rewarded this time with the tiniest, quietest
grunt. Hope was hurting my heart, but I needed to hear him say it aloud,
so I broke the spell of his surrender.
"What...what do you want, Mulder? Whatever it is...you need to tell
me. I need to know." Because I'll give it to you. No matter
what it costs me.
I heard him take a deep breath and watched his cracked and bloodied lips
purse, then wince at the pain this familiar action caused him.
"This is nice," he finally said, bringing his arms up now to lay over mine,
making me feel warm and hot all at the same time. I shifted, embarrassed
at the way I was rapidly hardening against him.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere," I answered, wanting to tighten my embrace,
but afraid I would hurt him. I nuzzled his jaw with my lips again and
he tilted his head to give me better access. I bent in lower and kissed
him even more gently around the angry line of red bisecting his beautiful
neck. It reminded me how bruised and battered Mulder really was, and
regretfully I pulled my head back.
"Mulder, whatever we're going to do, you need to get fixed up first.
You're a mess." I saw the slightest smile twitch at the corner of his
mouth and he agreed, beginning to pull away.
"You're right. I'm in no condition for...anything, really." I
felt my whole body flush as he looked pointedly down at the bulge in my crotch
then back up at my eyes. "Think you could help me with some First Aid?"
"You'd trust me with that?" I blurted out without thinking. He pulled
a little further away and turned to face me, then he just nodded, still staring
into my eyes. "Well, yeah, then...yeah," I said stupidly. He
actually moved his poor lips in a smirk at my awkwardness.
"Thanks," he said. "I've got a whole shitload of First Aid stuff in
my bathroom under the sink. I'd get it, but I don't think I can bend
over." Before I could even do so much as open my mouth, he widened
his eyes warningly. "Don't."
I smiled. "I'll get it," I said, moving around him and walking quickly
across his foyer and living room to his bathroom. A sense of deja vu
grabbed me...FBI bullpen, me grinning like an idiot thinking Mulder was welcoming
me onto his case, walking around him to 'get the car' for us, when really
I was going to spend 45 minutes waiting for him before chasing him down at
the Sleep Disorder Clinic. I had to give him snaps for that one. I'd
been pissed and impressed all at the same time. And it was then I'd
realized how difficult it was going to be to gain this man's elusive trust.
"I guess you still remember where it is," he called to me as I squatted before
his sink vanity, pulling out baskets of ointments, bandages, antiseptic cloths,
sprays, butterfly closures, tape and tons of gauze. He was right.
He had enough for his own triage down there.
"Uh yeah, I do," I answered, gathering the baskets up and standing, turning
to find him coming slowly up behind me. We looked at each other for a minute,
then I looked down at the floor, unable to bear all the things it looked
like he was saying with that gaze. Things like, 'I remember, too.
I wish we could go back. Maybe we can.'
"Where do you want to do this?" I asked, feeling my throat drying up.
I thought back, trying to remember the last time I was this nervous.
I couldn't. I'd faced guns, knives, car bombs, and more punches and
kicks than I cared to remember, even a few from him, but I couldn't recall
a time when I felt less adequate to the task at hand.
Mulder sighed. "I want to lie down," he said, and he started to walk
toward his bedroom, loosening his tie and dropping his jacket on the dresser
as he toed off his shoes.
Because it was the only thing I could do, I followed a quickly- becoming
less and less dressed Fox Mulder into his seldom- used bedroom. I stood
at the doorway, completely at a loss, as he unbuttoned his shirt, his injured
fingers fumbling at the buttons. Realizing what an asshole I was being,
I quickly set the baskets down on the bed and came around in front of him.
I placed my hands on his, stopping their clumsy attempts to push the buttons
through their holes. "Let me help with that," I said, gently pulling
his hands away and placing them at his sides.
"I was wondering if you were ever going to offer," he said softly, smirking
again. I let out a chuff of laughter, shaking my head, then sobered
again, my hands resting against his chest.
"I didn't know if you'd want me to."
"I want you to." His hands came up and rested lightly on my hips, and
his touch burned through my weird nylon pants. I gasped softly and
couldn't help the way my pelvis shifted slightly in toward him, my erection
starting to tent the thin orange fabric.
"I'm glad," I breathed. "I want to. I really want to."
My arousal climbed quickly as his thumbs traced circles on my hipbones, and
my own fingers shook slightly as I worked the buttons free and tugged his
shirt out of his (my) jeans. Images of when he'd undressed last ran through
my mind. Memories of how sick and excited I'd been all at the same time.
I wanted to take him in my arms in case he was remembering the same incident.
I parted the two halves of the open shirt, wincing at the darkening bruises
painted in large splotches across his slender torso. I tried not to
even let the fabric of the shirt touch him as I carefully pulled it down
his arms and let it fall to the floor. I couldn't take the time to
set it aside carefully, even though I knew it would be my favorite shirt
from now on. I had other responsibilities.
Mulder's hands came back to rest again on my hips, and his thumbs were pressing
firmly into the sensitive flesh, his fingers pushing into the upper curves
of my ass cheeks. I brought my hands to the top of the jeans, and heard
his sharp intake of breath. I froze, swallowing, looking into his eyes
for direction. I let my own thumbs trace very softly just inside the front
waistband, under the button, and his stomach contracted quickly, his abused
lips parting on a soft gasp. I asked him a question with my eyes.
'Can I?' and he answered me by closing his and then opening them again, fixing
them on me as his thumbs slipped just inside the elastic waistband of my
pants and stroked there. My cock jumped, an ache of need shooting through
it, and I pressed the button through its hole, then gently took hold of the
zipper pull.
My fingers were sweating and shaking so badly I lost my hold on it for a
moment. Mulder looked down, and I glanced up sheepishly. He smiled
at me, and I breathed again and took hold of the small metal pull once more,
this time lowering it slowly, careful of the bare flesh I knew was just under
it. Mulder's underwear had been shredded by my knife, so he'd had none to
put on under my jeans. Another favorite garment to add to the pile.
I gasped aloud as his hardening cock pushed its way out of the fly, and only
then did I realize that Mulder was nearly as turned on as I was. I
licked my lips, and was startled to hear Mulder's loud intake of breath at
seeing me. Oh Mulder. Your wish is my only desire.
Mulder's hips had suffered some blows from Cardinale's boots as well, and
so I was careful as I pushed the jeans down, lifting Mulder's hands carefully
from my hips and resting them at his sides. I missed his touch instantly.
I pushed the jeans the rest of the way down to his thighs. Our breathing
was loud in the room, his competing with mine as his cock twitched and rose
toward me and my own jumped inside my pants, straining to meet it.
I brushed my hands up his thighs, feeling the muscles harden and twitch beneath
me. I took hold of his hands again, gently, mindful of the one that
had been crushed. I lifted them to my mouth, unable to meet his eyes
as I did so. I closed my own eyes and pressed my lips gently to his hands,
softly to the injured one, then more firmly to the unscathed one, letting
my tongue dart out to taste it and thrilling at the way Mulder's breath caught
and held. I lifted his index finger with my tongue, drawing the end
of it into my mouth and laving it thoroughly. I heard his small moan
and opened my eyes and moaned myself at the intense stare I met. Never
taking my eyes off those wide, dark, gorgeously hungry eyes, I pulled the
finger from my mouth slowly, dragging the tip of my tongue along the underside
as I withdrew it. I placed a farewell kiss on the tip before lowering
both of Mulder's hands to his sides and sliding to my knees. I brushed
my hands lightly over his bruised and battered
but still incredibly beautiful body all the way down.
I looked up at him from my kneeling position on the floor into wide, dark
eyes that said, 'Do it.'
So I did.
I quickly but gently pulled his (my) jeans the rest of the way down his legs,
carefully lifting first one foot then the other to remove them completely.
I brushed his socks down his calves and then removed those as well, and finally
Mulder was completely naked before me. Overcome with the power of my
feelings, I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his upper thighs, and
leaned in, placing my cheek against them and sighing deeply, eyes closed.
I felt his hands alight softly on my head and shivered. I opened my
eyes and pulled back, letting my gaze move up slowly, once again able to
thoroughly look over the most beautiful cock I've ever seen.
"Oh Mulder..." I didn't even know I was going to say it until it was out,
and I didn't know how to finish the sentence. So I started another
one I had no way to finish. "Mulder..."
"Alex," he replied breathlessly from above, and it was the first time I'd
heard my name said with such need. And for it to be Mulder? I
couldn't help but moan plaintively and open my mouth, leaning in close to
finally taste what I'd only dreamed about until now.
As my face came nearer to his body, his smell got stronger and I breathed
deeply, getting dizzy on it. His cock jumped before my lips could touch
it, and when it fell back down on my lips, a tiny droplet of precum smeared
across them. I moaned and licked its salty tang from my lips, then
moved closer to finally envelop him in my hungry mouth.
He moaned loudly and jerked forward, his knees buckling a little. I
wrapped my arms around him, and felt him tremble against me. With a
guilty start, I realized how weak and sore he must be and how difficult it
must be for him to stand up for this. I pulled back off his cock gently and
stood quickly. I looked into his dazed and disappointed eyes and smiled,
then put my hands at his shoulders and led him to his bed, which was slightly
dusty with disuse. I could see his relief in the way his shoulders
relaxed as he let me push him to sit on the edge, and then I smiled and kept
pushing, until he was lying on his back, legs hanging over the edge of the
bed.
"Just relax, Mulder," I said as his head came up to see what I was doing.
I leaned over him and brushed my hand through his hair, careful of bruises
and cuts, and he lay back down on the bed, closing his eyes. "Good."
I wanted to kiss him again, but I didn't want to put any weight on his prone
body, so I rose back up and placed my hands lightly on his thighs. They jumped
a bit at my touch so I soothed them, rubbing my thumbs gently into muscles
I could see were not marked by the bruising which covered much of his body.
He relaxed under my touch, and I slid my thumbs to his inner thighs and pressed
his legs apart further. I kneeled down on the floor and leaned in over
him, resting my upper body on the bed between his spread thighs. I
stroked my hands higher, brushing gently over the pale, sensitive flesh where
his thighs met his pelvis, and he whimpered, his hands coming off the bed
then dropping down again in frustration. I couldn't make him wait any
longer, as much as
I wanted to spend my time worshipping the body laid out before me.
He needed more. I could see that by the way his cock, red and rock-hard
and oozing more beckoning precum at the tip, jerked and bounced against his
belly. I quickly rose up just a little more and sucked the tip back
into my mouth with a groan. Sooo good.
"Ah!" Mulder's head came up off the bed and dropped back down again
as my tongue began to work, stroking lightly all around the crown of his
dick and then working its way lower, to play beneath the ridge there, swirling
in slow, tightening circles. I reached up to grip the shaft of his oversized
cock in my right hand to steady it, then lowered my mouth onto it with a
rumbling groan, flicking my tongue quickly back and forth all along the underside
to where my mouth met the top of my fist. I loosened my throat, letting
him push in as deeply as I could stand, keeping my tongue stroking roughly
now against the underside. I swallowed and bobbed my head, coming up to suck
the tip then quickly engulfing him again before he could protest the loss
of my warmth.
Mulder was whimpering and moaning steadily now and I shuddered as his hands
came to rest on my head, threading through the short hair there. He
didn't try to push me down, and I wished he would, because I wanted to be
used, to be punished for the way I'd been forced to use him. I decided
that since he wasn't going to force me, I would give him nothing to want
for. I quickened my rhythm, feeling my own cock jump and rub against the
rough nylon of my pants. I started to squeeze the shaft of his cock
to the same tempo as my mouth's strokes, and brought my other hand up to
where I was frantically working, letting drool coat it and then sliding it
down behind his heavy balls. His quick, deep groan let me know I was
on the right track as I continued to work my mouth, throat, and tongue.
I worked my way back further.
He was thrusting up into my mouth now, whimpering and groaning and pressing
gently against my head as I worked. It served to intensify my own arousal
and I moaned deep in my throat and heard his own loud answering groan at
the vibrations. Loving the sound of it, I moaned again, loud and low, and
got the same result. I felt his balls drawing up close to his body.
Almost there. Time to take him home.
I groaned loudly and pressed my slippery fingertip into his tight opening,
gently but firmly, and suddenly he was pulsing in my mouth.
"Ah! Ah! Oh god! Ahhhhhhhhhhh Alex...." He pulsed
and twitched and I swallowed and worked my tongue and sucked the last of
his cum from him until finally his hips dropped down onto the bed and his
hands released the tantalizing death grip they'd held on my hair. I
gently licked him clean as I pulled my mouth off his still-hard cock, and
carefully took my finger away, smiling at the last little whimper this brought
from his throat. God how I wanted to fuck him. But I knew he needed
care and rest...first. I slid my hands up to rest around his hips and
laid my head down on his slowly deflating cock. I breathed in the smell
of his musk and cum and sighed deeply, my tongue licking his traces from
my lips. We were quiet, his hands in my hair as I laid there on his
groin, for several minutes while he caught his breath.
"God, Alex..." He sounded breathless still, and I raised my head up
and met his eyes.
"Good?" I asked with a slight smirk, knowing my abilities as a cocksucker
had never been called into question.
"God, Alex," he said again, and I chuckled, placing wet kisses on his
thighs as I rose up off him.
"All that and more was always there for the asking, Mulder." I smiled to
let him know I wasn't trying to bring up old hurts.
"Wish to fuck I'd known that when you were my young, hot little badly-dressed,
gel-haired partner," he muttered with a slight smile, his tone matching mine.
I raised my eyebrows. He'd wanted me? Then? I hadn't seen it
at all.
"Me too," I said, my smile growing gentler. "Just think of it this
way," I added. "You ain't seen nuthin' yet." I gave him what
I hoped was my most sultry gaze and he smiled in response, letting me know
I'd hit my mark. Then I straightened up, all business. "Now that
I've given you the first Alex treatment, though, we'd better take care of
some of your other needs." I reached over and grabbed up the basket, picking
through it and selecting the things I thought I'd need. "Do you think your
ribs are cracked?" I asked, brushing my fingers very lightly over the dark,
ugly bruising there.
"No," he said, wincing. "Just bruised all to hell. There's no
sharp, lancing pain, just the deep ache of bruising."
I nodded, knowing the feeling well. "Okay, then. Let's get you
cleaned up and some salve on those cuts."
After I had him all cleaned up and there was ointment gleaming on all his
cuts and scrapes, I got him dressed in boxers and an old, soft T-shirt so
as not to cause friction on any more skin than necessary. Ignoring
his protests, I finally, finally changed out of the silver lame top and orange
parachute pants and slipped into my jeans and shirt, cock barely ready to
soften as I became surrounded in his scent. I settled him on the couch
and got us each a beer, then sat down beside him after opening his so he
wouldn't hurt his injured fingers. We had determined that those weren't
broken, either, most likely, but they were badly sprained, bruised, and scraped,
and now that the adrenaline and post- orgasmic rush were both gone, he could
barely move his hand without hissing in pain. I'd set it later, when
the narcotics had kicked in. He gulped down two Vicodin left over from
another of his adventures in bodily trauma and then we both drank our beers
quietly, at a loss as to how to
proceed next.
"So," he said finally, breaking the silence. "What exactly happened
back there, anyway?"
I looked at him, frowning. "Are you sure you want to talk about this
now?" I asked.
"Yes," he answered.
"Okay," I sighed. "Cardinale and I were there to meet a buyer." As
he nodded, I wondered whose lead he'd followed to find us there.
"He never showed, and you did." I looked down at the beer bottle in
my hands and then sucked down the last swallow in the bottom of it.
"You came charging in without backup, as usual," I stopped and glared at
him for a moment before continuing. "And knocked me upside the head with
your Sig." Mulder nodded again slowly, encouraging me to go on.
"When I woke up, you were unconscious and Cardinale had relieved me of my
gun. He was angry." I turned the bottle around and around between
my hands, unwilling to say my secret aloud.
"Why?" he asked softly, trying to catch my eye.
"Well, you heard him. He thought that it bothered me to hurt you so
much that I wasn't good backup for him against you." I didn't meet his questioning
gaze. He didn't say anything for a minute, then he crumbled the last
of my defenses.
"I wondered why you didn't fight back much after you shot my father," he
said softly, and I closed my eyes against that stark accusation of guilt,
too beaten to voice my usual useless proclamations of innocence. I
just nodded. "Why, Alex? I don't understand."
"I told you, Mulder." I stared at my hands, willing my beer bottle
to fill up again so I could drain it and dull this sickening, anxious tightening
of my stomach.
"Because you love me."
I nodded again.
"Then...Alex, if you really do love me...how could you..." He broke
off, the pain in his voice making my throat close up.
"Kill your father?" I looked up and met his shocked and hurt expression.
He didn't even nod, but I knew I was right. I sighed but didn't look
away. "Oh Mulder...there's so much more than you know...I've known
you much longer than you think I have. Much longer than you've known me."
His brows furrowed. I looked down briefly then met his eyes again.
I could give him that, at least, no matter how difficult it was for me.
"You've enjoyed a certain measure of protection for a very long time, Mulder.
Ever since you and Diana opened the X-files." His eyes widened.
"Yeah, I know about your ex-wife. I know about your first partner.
Christ, Mulder. Their files don't miss anything. I know how you lost
your fucking virginity!" I clenched my fist around the beer bottle,
afraid the tension would shatter it in my hand. I stared at it, visualizing
the blood streaming from dozens of deep cuts. The bottle held.
I could feel Mulder's stare, and I looked up to see that infamous Mulder-focus
directed at me as he tried to assimilate all the things I'd just told him.
It was only the tip of a huge, potentially shattering iceberg, but I knew
we'd have to start slow with this truth thing.
"Okay," he finally said. "But what has that got to do with you killing
my father?"
God, I wished he'd stop saying that. It was true, and I hadn't done
it without damned good reason, but I still hated hearing it stated so bluntly.
I swallowed thickly. "Like I said. You've been protected for
a long time, Mulder. And your father was about to bring you in on some
of the dirtiest secrets the Consortium has." I swallowed again, my head buzzing
with the knowledge that I was about to do the same thing. I looked
intently into his eyes, hoping my story would serve as a warning, so he could
better decide if he wanted to take this road. "If he had been allowed
to do that, you would have instantly gone from protected annoyance to priority
one target, right along with him." My voice fell with just the thought
of that happening now because of my collusion with him. "I couldn't
let that happen. Neither could my bosses. So I was sent to stop it
from happening. And I did." I looked down at the floor between my feet and
heard Mulder breathing, slow and deep.
"So," he finally said quietly. "You killed him to save me."
I couldn't look up or answer him. I just nodded.
"Did you do it because it was your job, or because..." He trailed off.
"Both." I looked up then and his eyes were full of such confusion and
pain. I couldn't help but lean in and take his head in my hands, hoping
he wouldn't push me away after my confession. "I did it because it
was my job, and I did it because I love you, Mulder." His lips parted
as I said it, and it was like being drawn in by a powerful magnet.
As I leaned in further and pressed my lips against his, I realized we hadn't
kissed since we'd left the other apartment. I sighed and breathed into
it and felt the warm touch of his tongue against my lips. I opened
to him and gently held his head in place, careful not to put any pressure
on any part of his body, as I gently but thoroughly stroked through his mouth
with my tongue and felt his own dart against it. He tried to deepen
the kiss, getting more bold and rough, and I moaned and reluctantly pulled
back.
"I don't want to hurt you," I breathed, placing another kiss against partly
open, wet lips. I let his face go and leaned back, brushing my hands
down to let them rest softly on his bare thighs. I couldn't wait to
fuck him. And I knew I would have to.
He continued looking into my eyes, his hands coming to rest on mine.
His next words, soft and sad, shocked and wounded me.
"And Scully's abduction?"
"Oh Mulder, are you trying to hurt me as badly as I hurt you?" I regretted
the words the minute I'd said them, knowing I deserved far worse than just
to be called on my crimes. "I'm sorry, Mulder. You're right.
I have a lot to answer for."
"I'm not trying to hurt you, Alex," he replied, his good hand tightening
over mine. "I just want to get all of this out from between us so it
doesn't destroy everything before it has a chance to happen. No more
secrets."
No more secrets. The thought filled me with icy terror. I nodded
again. "I didn't know the score back then, Mulder. I was already
in love with you," I said matter-of-factly, ignoring his widening eyes.
"But I was still completely taken in by the Project. They convinced
me that what I was doing was going to save the world." I scowled, the
bitterness making bile rise in the back of my throat. "They told me
that they had to take Scully away from you or you would get too close, and
that would make you too dangerous, and they'd have to use harsher measures
to stop you."
"They threatened to kill me."
I nodded. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I know now how much Scully means
to you and I'm so fucking glad she's okay. I didn't really know her
back then, and all I could see was you, and keeping you safe." I looked
at a spot to the left of him, unable to meet that intense gaze. "And
I was so jealous, Mulder, because she was the partner I wanted to be.
You trusted her, and I could see that you loved her, the way I wanted you
to trust and luh - love me." I closed my eyes at the memory of my betrayal.
I had known I was breaking his fragile trust, and probably losing him forever,
but I had thought I was saving his life, and it had been worth the sacrifice.
The moment I gave him my keys will be carved into my psyche forever.
It was the end.
"But Mulder," I continued, feeling a bit stronger. "There is something
else you don't know. I know it doesn't make up for what I did.
It doesn't even begin to make up for it, but maybe it will take away some
of your pain, and you can hate me less."
"I don't hate you," he said, his voice soft and quiet as he waited for my
next revelation. I ignored him, knowing that while it may be partially
true, it was also partially true that he did hate me. Even if, as he'd said
before, he loved me in some way as well.
"I was the one who brought her back." I stopped to let that sink in,
turning slowly to look in his deep, shining eyes. I drew strength from
them and continued. "I found where they were holding her, and I stole
her away and dropped her off at the hospital. I didn't think she'd
make it, but I had to try."
"It was you. You saved her." His voice was distant, as if he
couldn't quite get his mind around that.
"I tried to undo what I'd done," I corrected him.
He stared at me and I shifted under his intensity. "Thank you." His
voice was choked. I felt the first sting of tears.
"Don't thank me, Mulder. I don't deserve your thanks. Just please...please
don't hate me anymore." My voice roughened and I swallowed back the
sob at the back of my throat.
"I told you. I don't hate you," he said softly, raising his good hand
to my chin. His touch sent a shiver through my whole body and I couldn't
help but sigh and close my eyes, awash in the feeling. He lifted my
face with his fingers until I was facing him. I opened my eyes.
"In fact, I'm pretty sure I told you I loved you, Alex," he finished, smiling.
"I know," I choked out, annoyed at how I couldn't seem to control the gravel
in my voice. "But it's so hard to believe...after what I've done..."
"None of us is innocent, Alex. I understand getting caught up in something
then thinking better of it. That's what my father did. It's what Deep
Throat did. The main thing is, you're getting out now." He stroked
my chin with his thumb and gave me a sad smile. I smiled back weakly.
Then I sobered, remembering I had one more skeleton to bare.
"Mulder, I was there when Melissa was killed." I shut my eyes and his
fingers left my face. I let my chin drop.
"Did you...were you the one who shot her, Alex?" He sounded like a
little boy, begging to not have his illusions shattered.
"No. I didn't shoot her. It was Cardinale." I ground my
teeth at the mention of his name. "But I was there, Mulder. And
I didn't do anything to stop him."
"Why..."
I sighed. "I'd given up hope, Mulder. They told me you two had
the MJ Files and everything was about to blow up in our faces. They were
willing to kill anyone, this time including you, in order to get them back.
I was desperate to keep that from happening. We were given orders to do whatever
it took to get that tape back. Cardinale wanted to kill you.
He thought he was shooting at you when he nearly hit Scully at your apartment."
Mulder's eyes closed in pain, unable to bear hearing how Scully had been
nearly sacrificed, and her sister murdered, so that he could live.
"I know you love her, Mulder. I know you'd rather die than see her
hurt." He opened his eyes and the look in them let me know it was true.
"But Mulder, you cannot die. You just...you can't. You're so important.
Mulder, you don't realize this, but you are the only one...the only person
who has a chance of making this all turn out okay."
"So you went after her, instead," he said flatly.
"Yeah, we did," I answered, feeling my heart close as I imagined his love
withdrawing like the tide. "I didn't think I could do it, but I went
with Cardinale. He's trigger happy and shot before we even knew who
was coming through the door, and when we realized it was not Scully, we had
to run."
"If you'd killed Scully, Alex, I would never be able to forgive you."
"I know," I whispered. "I'm...I'm so damned sorry." I knew it
was inadequate, but it was all I had.
"And this is harder to understand than anything I've heard so far," Mulder
continued.
I nodded. "I was in such a dark, hopeless place, Mulder. Everything
I'd believed in had turned out to be a sordid, complex, totally overwhelming
lie, and I could see absolutely no way out of it. I didn't even care
anymore. I was abusing cocaine, and didn't let my emotions factor into
any of the decisions I was making. I didn't care if I lived or died.
Or so I thought until they tried to kill me for fucking up."
"What do you mean?" His voice was so low, so quiet.
"Car bomb. They blamed me for the mistake with Melissa. They tried
to kill me. I got away. With the tape."
His eyes flickered back to life somewhat. "You...you have the tape?"
he said, his voice full of growing hope.
I finally smiled. I had something I knew he wanted. "Yeah, Mulder.
I do."
"My god...Alex...do you realize what this means?"
My breath caught at the hope and excitement in his rising voice. "It means
I have the precious truth you've nearly sacrificed yourself for time and
time again," I said flatly. Mulder may think that having the truth
will make everything better, but knowing it the way I did, I was certain
that wasn't true. There were truths on that tape I didn't want him
to ever know.
"Where...where is it?" His voice was shaking now, his eyes shining
maniacally. It was more than a little frightening.
"I'll get it for you. I will, Mulder. But not right away.
There are so many things I have to tell you, first..." He didn't let
me finish.
"Just give me the tape, Alex. You must know how much it means to me.
Please...don't dick me around!" His voice hardened as he watched my
mouth form a stubborn straight line.
"I do. And *you* must know that I'll do anything for you, Mulder. And
that includes giving you that tape, even though what's on it has the power
to destroy you." His eyes narrowed. "Please...trust me, Mulder.
I'll give it to you. I just need you to give me the chance to talk
to you about it all, first. Please...just...trust me." I was fully
aware that I was asking him to do this incredibly difficult thing for me
for the second time in a day. I knew I ran the very high risk that
I was asking too much. That it was more than he'd be able to give this
time. He dropped his gaze to an unknown spot on the floor, and his
head began to slowly nod. I let out a deep sigh of relief, closing
my eyes. I swore to myself that I would never, ever, no matter what
the cost to myself, betray that trust again.
"Thank you, Mulder. You know I'd do it if it was the right time.
I told you I'd do anything for you, and I meant it."
He kept his gaze fixed on the floor. "Anything?" he said softly.
"Anything. Name it. I'm yours," I said, feeling it down to the
depths of my soul.
"Kiss me," he said, raising up his face to me, unshed tears shining in his
eyes. Giving him a trembling smile, I leaned in and kissed him, feeling
relief wash through me and leave a dull, throbbing lust in its wake.
His good hand came up and stroked through my hair, rubbing at the back of
my neck as I tried to transmit the depth of my feeling for him through the
movement of my lips and tongue, my hands skittering lightly over his bruised
and battered body.
Gasping, he pulled away and stroked his thumb along my bottom lip.
I flicked my tongue against it and watched his pupils dilate. I was
going to have so much fun making up with him.
He grinned, a mischievous glint coming into his eyes. I looked at him,
puzzled at the change in mood, until he finally broke my spell of anticipation
and spoke.
"And make me some soup."
I laughed and pulled out of his embrace. "Your wish is my command,"
I said, giving him a warm smile. He smiled back and I stood up, handing
him the remote. "No porn, Mulder," I warned him with a raise of my
eyebrows.
"What do I need with porn when I have a walking wet dream making me soup?"
replied Mulder, taking the control and punching the button.
I groaned. "God, Mulder, how do you expect me to *not* fuck you when
you say things like that?"
"Who said I did?" Mulder replied quietly, looking at the screen as it flickered
to life. I swear to God. He was going to kill me with this goddamned
teasing. Heaving a shuddering sigh and clenching my jaw, I went into
the kitchen to make his goddamned soup.
After we'd both eaten two hearty servings of Campbell's chicken noodle and
I was in Mulder's bedroom shaking the dust out of his blankets, I made myself
two promises. One, I was going to buy the ingredients to make him some
real soup tomorrow. Two, no matter how much he teased me, I was *not* going
to fuck him tonight. The former seemed far more likely to be kept than
the latter. I finished making the bed and returned to the living room
where Mulder was leaned back, feet up on the coffee table, watching David
Letterman.
"Your uh...bed's ready," I said, coming over to stand in front of him.
"Good, I'm exhausted," he replied, flicking off the TV and tossing the remote
to the side. He started to raise himself off the couch and winced,
his stiff, bruised muscles protesting.
"Hold on, Mulder," I said, quickly leaning forward and grabbing him around
the upper arms, helping him stand. He accepted my help, bringing his
arms up to rest around my waist as he stood up in front of me. I stared
into his eyes, unable to let go, feeling his hands burn me through the thin
fabric of my shirt.
"Um...where are you going to sleep?" Mulder asked quietly, looking at me.
"Oh! Well, I saw an extra blanket in there. I'll be fine on the
couch. You do it all the time, " I added lightly.
Mulder nodded and just looked at me, not letting go, not moving. "Would...would
you sleep with me?" he asked quietly, as if afraid of the answer. I
gasped and stared at him.
"God, Mulder, as if I haven't waited three years to hear you say that."
I watched his abused lips pull into a smile. Then I gasped again as
he pulled me against him and put those lips on mine.
I wanted so badly to take that mouth, deeply and completely, but I held back,
not wanting to cause any more pain. I held my lips soft and still as
his lips moved against them, his tongue stroking gently, parting mine.
My tongue reached out to stroke along his for a moment, then I broke the
kiss off quickly, panting and shaking my head.
"Dammit, Mulder, I promised myself I wasn't going to fuck you, and you're
totally ripping away any chance of my being able to fucking keep that promise."
He smiled lazily. "Come to bed, Alex," he said, turning to pull me
by the hand toward his bedroom. As I walked incredulously toward that
open door, I reminded myself over and over and over that I was *not* going
to fuck Mulder tonight.
As we stepped into his bedroom, he let go of my hand and turned around to
face me. "Can you help me get my clothes off, Alex? I'm really
getting sore, and I just hate to sleep in anything. Makes me feel confined."
I glared at him, firming my mouth. "Sure. Mulder." I reached
out and started slowly pulling his T-shirt up his body, losing my indignation
as the cotton slid up over black and purple and yellow and green. I
helped him raise his hands, wincing at the quiet hiss of pain that issued
from his lips as his arms stretched battered muscles over bruised ribs.
"I'm sorry," I murmured, no longer angry, pulling the shirt gently off over
his head and helping him lower his arms slowly.
He was staring at me, breathing hard, and my own breath was loud and shallow
in my chest, my erection jammed up tight against the confines of my jeans.
I'll admit, I'd taken off my own underwear before putting on the jeans, wanting
my cock to touch where his had. As it ground against my zipper, I almost
regretted it. "Um, what about..." I stammered, gesturing in the general
direction of his groin.
"Take them off," he said quietly. "Please?"
I let out a breath and placed my hands on his hips, where the boxers rode
low, exposing the light dust of hair that disappeared down the front of them,
to where Mulder's obvious erection pushed the fabric straight out toward
me. My throat closed and my heart beat hard against my ribs. I could
do this. I knew I could. I'd faced situations which required
far more willpower than this, hadn't I? Hadn't I?? I sighed heavily,
and looking at a spot just beyond Mulder's left shoulder, slid my hand around
to the front of the boxers and pulled the waistband away from the stomach
tensing beneath it. I heard Mulder's breathing stutter and saw his
fingers twitch where they hung at his sides. Swallowing hard, I pulled the
elastic out further, trying not to touch the hard, straining cock that just
seemed to get longer as I tried to evade it. I didn't quite make it,
brushing the elastic down the underside of his shaft very lightly as I removed
the boxers. He gasped and his hips thrust forward, but I ignored
him and pulled them the rest of the way down his legs, bending my knees as
I squatted and helped him lift his feet out of them.
Naked at Mulder's feet again. I could really, really get used to this.
But not tonight, dammit. I steeled my lips in a hard line and stood
up, making a Herculean effort *not* to look at the beautiful, hard, straining
cock right in front of me.
"What about you," said Mulder in a strained whisper, looking me in the eyes.
My brain had stopped working about ten minutes ago, so all I could reply
was, "Huh?"
"You're not going to sleep in your jeans, are you?" he asked, and I saw his
cock twitch out of the corner of my eye. I nearly screamed.
"No," I ground out. Then I started unbuttoning my shirt, my sweaty
fingers slipping irritatingly on the buttons. I was careful, though
I wanted to rip it off in annoyance, because it was my favorite, Mulder-scented
shirt. Finally, I successfully removed it and reached for my jeans.
It was then that I adamantly cursed myself for taking my underwear off before
putting on the jeans. One, because Mulder would see that I had done
so and would no doubt be quite amused, and two, because I would look weird
trying to find the damned underwear and put them on after stripping naked.
Grinding my teeth and not letting myself look at Mulder even a little bit,
I ripped my fly open and quickly pushed my jeans down my hips, stepping out
of them and throwing them to the side with a huff. I stood back up,
putting my hands behind my back unconsciously to keep from touching Mulder,
and stared straight head.
"At ease," said Mulder with a smirk in his voice. I closed my eyes,
twisting my closed lips with a scowl, and brought my hands to my sides, fists
clenched painfully. "Let's go to bed, Alex," Mulder said softly, and
I felt the head of my cock brush against my lower abdomen as it twitched
at the sound of my name coming from those aggravating lips. I opened
my eyes and he was climbing into the bed, his cock bouncing against his own
belly as he got situated, flipping off the blanket and pulling the sheet
to just above his hips, settling in on his side. "I'm hot," he said by way
of explanation. I wanted to slap the shit out of him.
Instead, I went to the other side of the bed and got in, barely perching
on the edge of the bed, lying stiffly on my back, staring at the ceiling.
My erection pushed the sheet up in a ridiculous tent, the cotton scratching
against the sensitive head, threatening to push me over the edge.
Things were about to get much worse.
Mulder looked back at me over his shoulder, then faced away again, scooting
back just a little. I clenched fists full of sheet in my hands.
The bed shook slightly as he scooted over a little more, this time bringing
him to within a foot of my rigid, sweating body. My hand twitched with
the need to reach for the naked skin just inches away. He inched closer,
and my fingers made contact with hot flesh. I moaned, jerking them
back. He used this opening to scoot in up against me, nudging my hip
with his firm, round ass.
"Mulder..." I growled. "You fucking cocktease."
"I'm not teasing, Alex."
"I told you, I'm not going to fuck you tonight. You're too beat up!"
"Just be gentle, Alex," he said, reaching back with his hand. I couldn't
breathe as it came closer and closer to my stiff dick, and as his hot fingers
found it and quickly wrapped around the shaft, I cried out, throwing my head
back into the pillow.
"God! Mulder! Fuck! You win!" I growled as his hand slid
up and down. I grabbed his hand with mine. "Stop it, goddamn
it."
"Why?" he asked, his hand squeezing. "You said I won."
"Because," I snarled, prying his hand off my dick. "If you don't stop
that shit right now, I'm gonna come, then I won't be able to fuck you."
Mulder immediately pulled his hand away, putting it in front of him once
again.
"So get on with it." He moved one leg forward, spreading for me.
"There's astroglide in the side table." My eyebrows rose at that until
I realized he probably used it for jerking off. I reached over and jerked
the little drawer open and grabbed the bottle. Shaking and trying not to
spill any, I squeezed some out on my left hand, coating all four fingers
liberally. I snapped the cap and slipped the bottle under my pillow.
I flicked the sheet down off Mulder's body, baring him for me, and slowly
scooted in, pressing against him from chest to thighs. I grunted loudly
as my cock ground against his ass, smearing it with precum.
"Don't move," I bit out, reaching around in front of Mulder. My cock throbbed
against the heat of his ass and I concentrated on not thrusting as I groped
for his. Mulder gasped and arched back against me, forcing a groan
from my throat, as my hand found him and wrapped around his shaft in a slippery
fist. "I told you not to move!" I growled, stretching my arm up and
sliding it under Mulder's neck.
"Can't help it," Mulder gasped out against my arm, his breath hot and damp,
tickling my fine hairs. "God, I'm so ready," he sighed, and I felt
a wet stroke against my forearm as he licked it.
I groaned and bucked hard against his ass and took my hand off his cock.
He moaned pitifully, but I took his hand and replaced it, helping him get
a good grip, and starting him sliding up and down the now-slippery length.
He slowly stroked himself, moaning, as I brought my hand back around behind
him, scooting back just far enough that I could reach between us. Mulder
groaned as I slid my slippery fingers down between his ass cheeks, and I
wasn't especially hesitant as I pushed my middle finger into his opening
up to my third knuckle.
"Ah! God!" Mulder cried out, spreading wider for me. I bit his
shoulder in an uninjured area to steady myself and began fucking him with
my finger, dizzy and nearly ready to pass out from not being able to use
my dick.
"Fuck me! More...more!" Mulder begged, and I growled against his shoulder,
licking then biting again as I slid in a second finger, stroking once, then
a third, pulling him open impatiently, feeling his slippery ass brush against
my cock as he squirmed. Finally, groaning against his bunching shoulder muscles,
I pulled out roughly and grabbed my cock around the base, lining it up with
his loosened hole.
"I promised myself I wasn't going to fuck you," I said against his skin.
"And I promised myself you were," he growled, jerking backward, trying to
impale himself. Fucker. With another hard bite to his shoulder,
I shoved into him, sliding easily into the slippery, hungry hole.
"GAH!" I screamed out, seeing stars, feeling the beginning pulses of an orgasm
I wasn't ready to have. "Don't you *dare* fucking move!" I gripped
his hip tightly, forgetting about the bruises, forgetting anything except
that if he moved, I'd come. He panted against me in little grunts but obeyed,
staying perfectly still. I took my mouth off his shoulder and bit my
own in an attempt to stave off my orgasm. I didn't think I was going
to make it. Just the *thought* of moving made me start throbbing again.
Even if I did get to pump a few times, this was not going to last long. "Don't
move," I said again, letting go of his hips and sliding my hand forward.
I had to bring him to where I was, because when I moved, I knew it was pretty
much all over.
I found his hand gripping his shaft tightly, and I pried it away, then replaced
it with my own, slowly wrapping my hand around his cock and squeezing.
He cried out and jerked forward, pulling off my cock a little and taking
me so close I had to bite my tongue to keep from going over. "Not gonna
last long," I gasped out. "Tell me when you're ready to come."
I started fisting his cock, sliding and squeezing, and running my thumb over
the head.
"Oh God! Now!" Mulder sobbed, and I felt him swell and pulse in my
hand and immediately rammed myself into him, hard, as his muscles clamped
down around me.
I howled as I shot deep into his ass, my hips slamming against him in short,
brutal thrusts as my body took over, emptying itself for a ridiculously long
time. The first thing I was aware of as I started to see the explosions
recede was that I still had hold of Mulder's cock and was squeezing rather
tightly. "Sorry!" I said quickly, letting it go.
"God," he moaned. "Jesus."
"Yeah," I agreed, resting my hand on his hip, laying my head down on my pillow,
my cock still pushed deep into Mulder. We breathed like that, my chest matching
the expansion and contraction of his back, until I felt something like myself
again. I placed a kiss on the place I'd bitten Mulder, and he shivered. "*Now*
can I get some sleep?"
"I guess so," he answered, reaching back and pulling my hand around to rest
on his abdomen. And I didn't remember anything else, until I woke up
in bed, my front sticky against his back.
I shifted, peeling myself away from his sweaty back, and he reached up to
rub his eyes and gasped.
"Mulder? You okay?"
"Just...stiff..." he bit out, gritting his teeth against the pain of muscles
one day after trauma. I knew from experience that it always hurt worse
the day after. I very carefully extracted myself from him, trying not
to move the bed.
"Don't move," I said, a slight flush warming my body as I remembered saying
those words last night. He didn't answer, just nodding his head once.
"Try to relax, Mulder. I'm going to run you a hot bath." There had
been so many times when I'd woken stiff and sore and would have been willing
to kill for a hot bath. I brought in two Vicodin and helped him gulp
them down with some water, then went into his bathroom and pawed through
the bottles under his sink, pulling out shampoo. I leaned over and
turned the taps on steaming hot, securing the plug and dribbling in a generous
amount of shampoo.
When the tub was full of nearly scalding water, I returned to the bedroom
to find Mulder had fallen back to sleep, still on his side. I was grateful
that Vicodin works fast. I hated to wake him, but I didn't want his
bath to get cold. I knelt in front of him, looking at his face, so
peaceful in sleep. I reached up and lightly brushed away a lock of
hair that was sticking straight up. Sex hair. Nice on anyone...gorgeous
on Mulder. It hurt me to be able to be this close. Touch him
this tenderly.
"Mulder," I whispered, brushing my hand down the side of his face.
He didn't even twitch. Good ole Vicodin. "Mulder," I said more
loudly. His eyelids fluttered, but he didn't wake. Smiling, I leaned
in closer, putting my lips next to his ear. "I love you."
"Huh?" Mulder came awake, suddenly, with a jolt. I leaned back
on my haunches.
"Nothing..."
He blinked, his eyes dazed by the painkillers. "What time is it?"
I laughed. "I don't even know, Mulder. It's Sunday. You
don't have anywhere to be. Not to mention you're on medical leave for
a few days."
"Mm." He still seemed confused. I smiled at him, my heart clenching
at this rare look at his vulnerability.
"I ran you a bath, Mulder. Let's get you up and into it."
"Huh? Why?"
"Because," I said, sliding my hand under his body to lift him to a sitting
position. "Until that hydrocodone hit your system, you were sore head
to toe. A hot bath will loosen up all the tight places." As he
sat up, he winced, a little reminder of his earlier wakening.
"Oh. Yeah. Let's do it." He reached his arms out to me
and I swallowed at his trust and helped pull him to a swaying standing position.
We made our way carefully to the bathroom, impeded somewhat by drugs and
somewhat by injuries. I helped Mulder step over the side of the large,
wide tub, and made sure he was lowered safely before stepping in with him.
He looked up at me, eyes curious, and I smiled and shrugged.
"You need help getting clean," I offered, lowering myself into the hot, foamy
water. At this he smiled for the first time. He parted his knees
to make room for me, planting his feet on the bottom of the tub on either
side of me. I adjusted myself so that my legs were under his, tucked
in on either side of his hips. I scooted in closely so I could reach
him easily. I picked up the washcloth and the bar soap and rubbed until
I had a nice foam. Then I reached forward and stroked the cloth down the
slope of his neck, following it to his shoulder, then down the top part of
his arm. He closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side.
I sighed and swallowed, and rubbed in gentle circles, mindful of all the
bruises, large and small, as well as the cut ringing his neck.
Mulder kept his eyes closed, and I worked slowly and carefully. I washed
the other shoulder and arm, and he tilted his head the other way to give
me access, sighing softly. Once I had his arms scrubbed and shoulders squeaky
clean, I reached forward and began rubbing foam into the light dusting of
hair on his chest. I worked my way from the center, then very gently
stroked across one nipple with the terry cloth.
He gasped. My cock filled and began to poke up through the dissipating
foam. I took a deep breath and rubbed in gentle circles, listening
to Mulder's breathing increase as rapidly as mine. I moved to
the other side, barely letting the washcloth brush over the nipple, and reveling
in the groan this pulled from his throat. Yeah, that one was on purpose.
I finished cleaning him in quick circles, rapidly dunking the cloth into
the water and running it over his twitching legs. I scooted in closer.
Our cocks touched under water. I let out a controlled, shuddering sigh,
feeling Mulder's gasp on my face.
"I hah-have to wash your back now," I stammered, threading my hands in under
his arms and beginning to make gentle circles against the battered muscles
and shallow, healing cuts. He groaned and leaned his head forward,
resting it on my shoulder. I felt his hand move through the water between
us and cried out quietly when it grabbed our cocks, squeezing them together.
"God, Mulder..." I gasped, as his hand started working them both together,
slow and gentle. My hand moved erratically across his back as I quickly
lost control of my motor functions. I dropped the cloth and slid my hands
down his back, pulling him in closer, feeling our sacs squash up against
each other as we ground together. "Fuck me, Mulder. Please..."
"Uhnnnyes..." Mulder groaned, letting go of our cocks and sliding his hands
around my back.
"Just hold still," I whispered in his ear.
"You say that a hell of a lot," Mulder answered in mine. "Bossy little shit,
aren't you?" I smiled and pushed him back to lean against the end of
the tub.
"Is that okay?"
He just nodded, looking deep in my eyes. I moved forward, putting my
legs over the top of his thighs, and braced my hands on the sides of the
tub, lifting myself over his red, wet, rockhard cock.
"Wait...lubricant?" he asked, sounding worried.
"Don't worry, Mulder," I answered, feeling his silky cockhead brushing my
ass. "But I could use some help...um...lining up," I said, my arms
getting tired. He immediately reached down and grabbed himself around
the base, then he stroked around in seeking circles, driving my crazy, until
he slipped into just the right spot. "Uhnnnn..." I groaned and started
to lower myself, feeling Mulder's fat blunt crown burning its way past the
ring of muscle at my opening. I clenched my teeth, eyes closed, and
continued lowering myself down, pushing past the burn to the pleasure I knew
was waiting beyond it. It still ached as I felt him push all the way
inside, but I shifted, settling back a little, and Mulder sat up so that
neither of us was holding the weight of the other. I sighed deeply,
breathing through the pain, and then opened my eyes.
Mulder's lips were parted on shallow, harsh breaths, his eyes heavy-lidded.
I groaned and leaned in, taking his mouth in a wet kiss. Mulder's tongue
worked its way deep into my mouth the way his cock was worked deep into my
body, and I sucked on it eagerly, humming in the back of my throat, feeling
the pain give way to a hot, throbbing pleasure. Without taking my mouth off
Mulder's, I began to rock against him, causing his cock to stay deep, but
move. I shifted around, then gasped, hard, into Mulder's mouth as my
prostate rubbed over his dick.
"Ahhh..." I cried out, my mouth open against Mulder's, and he claimed it
again, groaning and encouraging me to move. I rocked and swiveled slightly,
and soon was moaning and gasping out desperate breaths into Mulder's mouth,
having a very difficult time getting enough oxygen. Reluctantly, I
pulled off his mouth and placed my head on his shoulder, taking deep, gulping
breaths and feeling Mulder gasp into my ear. The feeling of his hot
breath in my ear took me closer and closer, my cock being squeezed and rubbed
between our two writhing torsos. I was close. Very close.
Then I heard his low, rumbling voice.
"I love you, too."
"NNnuuuhh!" I came, jerking against Mulder's body, and felt him start to
lift beneath me, groaning as he tried to push himself even deeper into me,
filling me with his juice. I moaned and hummed as I felt myself squeezing
down on him and heard his little groaning whimpers in response. Finally,
the waves subsided and I collapsed against him, careful not to put any of
my weight on his bruised ribs.
"You're gonna kill me, Mulder," I breathed out against his neck, before giving
him a sloppy kiss.
"No, we're definitely past that stage of our relationship," replied Mulder
into my ear, giving my earlobe a little nip. I smiled and held him
in my arms, beginning to notice that our water was getting cold. With
a last kiss on his neck, I pulled myself back from him, separating us, and
moved across the tub a bit, resituating myself, still within reach.
"This water's getting cold," Mulder said, resting his hands on my legs.
"Yeah, it is," I answered stupidly. Then, getting clearer now that
not so much of me was touching Mulder, I added, "And we still haven't washed
your hair." I reached up and stroked my fingers through it, and it
truly was a mess, ratted and sweaty, crusted with blood from a small, nonserious
head wound. My hand got stuck in the matted strands.
"Ouch."
"Sorry." I pulled my hand free and reached over the side of the tub
for the shampoo. I poured a dollop in my palm and set the bottle back
on the floor. "Close your eyes."
"Getting bossy again," he said, but he did it, sighing softly. I rubbed
the shampoo between my palms, then reached out my hands and stroked the bubbles
gently through the dirty hair.
"Mm," Mulder grunted, as I'd find a bruise or a cut. I'd murmur my
apology, planting a quick kiss on his lips, then continue slowly and gently
working the foam all the way through his thick hair. Mulder hummed
in the back of his throat, his shoulders dropping as he sank into the relaxation
a thorough shampoo can give. When he was thoroughly sudsy and scrubbed,
I dipped my hands in the water, getting the shampoo off my hands, then stroked
dribbles of foam off Mulder's forehead before they could make their way down
to his eyes.
"Time to rinse," I said quietly. "Can you stand up?" His eyes
opened and he grinned.
"Probably not, after that."
I smirked and braced my hands on the side of the tub, pushing myself up to
stand over him. "Good thing you have a shower massage." I adjusted
the temperature at the tap, then quickly and thoroughly rinsed all the shampoo
from Mulder's hair. I turned off the water and reached down. "Now you
have to get up."
He reached up with his good hand, and I put my hands under his armpits and
pulled him to standing. As I was sliding my hands around his waist,
he leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. "That was the best shampoo
I've ever had," he said with a grin.
"Me too," I replied, grinning back and helping him step over the side of
the tub. I had to hold him very close to me to help him keep his balance.
What's that they say about a dirty job?
I wrapped a towel around his shoulders and grabbed one for myself, then led
him back to the bed. He stood there, slowly drying himself, while I
made the bed with his only other set of sheets. Shopping list:
Ingredients for soup, more sheets. I knew we'd need them. I helped
him get dressed in some warm, soft sweats, then put some on myself and followed
him out into the living room. He sat on the couch and looked up at
me expectantly, waiting for me to join him.
"I have to go out," I said. He looked down into his lap, his head nodding
slowly. He looked crestfallen. "No! Mulder...I'm getting
groceries and shit! I'm not taking off." He looked back up, one corner
of his mouth coming up in a sheepish smirk.
"Sorry."
"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Mulder. I haven't always
been really...reliable." I looked down at the floor for a minute.
"Things have changed now," said Mulder softly. "It's just going to...take
some getting used to."
I nodded, still looking at the floor.
"Alex, look at me."
I couldn't refuse a Mulder request.
"We just have to relearn how to be with each other. Let's try not to
fall apart each time the past comes up, okay?"
"Okay."
"Good." He sat back into the couch, picking up the remote again.
"Pick us up some beer while you're out. Not that shit I buy...get the
good stuff. 'Kay?"
