n2luuuuuuv: Really? Well, what are you doing on the 'net, then?

n2luuuuuuv: Dude?

bedouindude: Minding my own business.

n2luuuuuuv: Whoa. Huh. So, is that why you have such a freaky screen name? 'Cause I just thought you had a weird kink or something.

bedouindude: Yeah that's why.

n2luuuuuuv: Look, I didn't mean to freak you out. We don't have to cyber.

n2luuuuuuv: So, what are you doing?

bedouindude: You don't want to cyber, but you want to keep talking?

n2luuuuuuv: Well...yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: So what is a bedouin?

bedouindude: How old are you?

n2luuuuuuv: 35. Why?

n2luuuuuuv: Oh, because I'm asking you what a bedouin is? And that makes you think I don't know that it's a rude person hanging out in a desert?

n2luuuuuuv: Hey dude!

n2luuuuuuv: Dude?

n2luuuuuuv: B?

n2luuuuuuv: Look, I'm sorry. You're not rude. You just want to be left alone. I understand. I was just lonely. Guess I thought maybe we could keep each other company for a while.

bedouindude: Who are you?

n2luuuuuuv: I'm not very good at this. Look, I know good and well what a bedouin is, I'm not here to cyber, and I hate this stupid screen name. It's Krycek, Mulder. I thought I'd found you, but I had to make sure.

bedouindude: Who the fuck are you?

n2luuuuuuv: Krycek. Alex Krycek. 'Member me?

n2luuuuuuv: Hi.

bedouindude: Krycek's dead, you moron. So whatever game you wanted to play, it's not going to work.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm not dead. Anymore. I'm back. Something you have some experience with from back in the day.

bedouindude: Okay, so I play and then what? What do you want?

n2luuuuuuv: Do you want me to say something about an alien rebel? Something along the lines of, "And if he dies, then so does the resistance." And then kiss you on your cute, little mole of course. Well, that's not why I'm here.

bedouindude: So you have good surveillance. I'm not impressed.

bedouindude: And why are you here?

n2luuuuuuv: You don't know the first thing about me.

n2luuuuuuv: Now come on. That was outside!

bedouindude: So you knew him. That's all that proves.

bedouindude: And you still haven't told me what you want. Just for me to believe you're Krycek?

bedouindude: Fine. Hey, Krycek, so you're alive, huh? Why don't you come over here so I can bitchslap you, put you in cuffs, and haul you away to a federal, pound-you-in-the-ass prison, ol' buddy?

n2luuuuuuv: Now see, that's completely unrealistic. You would never actually arrest me. Well, maybe you would since you probably think I was trying to kill you when last we met.

n2luuuuuuv: But nice image...the bitch-slapping.

bedouindude: What, so now you don't believe I'm *me* because I'm being too unrealistic?

n2luuuuuuv: Are you you? Quick, what's your favorite porno?

bedouindude: Like he'd know that.

n2luuuuuuv: He wouldn't? Wasn't HE in your apartment waiting for you before handing you Weikamp? What the hell do you think I did while I waited? I'm guessing it was the one still in the VCR. Ass for Hire? Mulder? Ring any bells?

bedouindude: Just because you know the name of one of my porn vids doesn't prove anything. I already knew you had surveillance on me.

n2luuuuuuv: It was IN THE VCR!

n2luuuuuuv: Come ON! You have to know it's me because there is no one else on EARTH who you are this hard on!

bedouindude: How do you know?

n2luuuuuuv: ::throws up hands:: (Yes, hands, Mulder! Those fucking Smiths brought me back, so yay, I get the arm, too.)

bedouindude: Why do you want me to believe so badly?

n2luuuuuuv: Because it's The Truth!

bedouindude: And if it is?

bedouindude: What, you didn't get enough of me when you were alive before? Gotta reach back from the grave and get a little more?

n2luuuuuuv: From what I hear, you probably don't have it to give. On the run, huh? I'm not here to mindfuck you, Mulder. Not that I think you're gonna believe me.

bedouindude: Yeah, on the run. Some fucker tried to kill me. Can you believe that shit?

n2luuuuuuv: Speaking of the mother of all mindfucks... You really still think that was *me* in there?

bedouindude: Sure looked like you.

n2luuuuuuv: Did the look match the words? The gun in your face?

bedouindude: So you were more reluctant to kill me than you thought you'd be. Didn't stop you from squeezing that trigger, asshole. I saw it.

n2luuuuuuv: So you must have seen that freaky trajectory, too, then. That bullet wouldn't have even hit your CAR.

n2luuuuuuv: And I see it's me, now that you get to go off.

bedouindude: Hell, why not? Stranger things have happened. To me.

bedouindude: So you're alive. And you weren't *really* trying very hard to kill me. Zippadeefuckingdoodah.

n2luuuuuuv: I was trying NOT to kill you! Actively trying to thwart a murder! But fuck it. Nevermind. You are GOING to believe the worst of me. I'll just move on.

bedouindude: Whaddya mean, actively trying to prevent a murder? That shit you told Skinner, about killing me to save a thousand lives? What the FUCK was that, Krycek???

n2luuuuuuv: ALIENS, GODDAMNIT. You think they were gonna let me go just because I'd taken a couple of bullets? You don't think they saw their chance slipping away? And you don't think they'd pull out all the stops at the last minute? That third shot was a RELIEF. Just to get them out of my fucking head!

bedouindude: What the hell are you talking about?

n2luuuuuuv: Mind control!!! Don't you get it? It wasn't ME.

bedouindude: You're just using that because you know I experienced it myself, once, and almost killed Scully.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm 'using' it becasue it's the goddamned truth, Mulder. It's not my fault their plan was nearly fail-safe...that there'd be no way or reason for you to believe differently.

bedouindude: And what do you want, now?

n2luuuuuuv: I wanna talk.

bedouindude: Evidently. You haven't shut up in half an hour.

bedouindude: Lonely, Krycek?

n2luuuuuuv: Yes.

n2luuuuuuv: Are you?

bedouindude: What do you think?

n2luuuuuuv: I think anybody would be. In your place. I think it'd be hard to decide to take another breath.

bedouindude: So now you're gonna get off on my depression?

n2luuuuuuv: You think that's what I want? You think I'm back from the dead to laugh at your pain?

bedouindude: Yep.

bedouindude: Or profit from it somehow.

n2luuuuuuv: You're very wrong, tovarisch. I'm not laughing. And I don't need money. And I'm not interested in power.

bedouindude: What *are* you interested in?

n2luuuuuuv: Do you have a TV wherever you are?

bedouindude: Sure, for the porn.

n2luuuuuuv: No stations?

bedouindude: No.

n2luuuuuuv: So...just porn, then?

bedouindude: What's it to you?

n2luuuuuuv: I just want to know.

n2luuuuuuv: Does it rain there?

bedouindude: No.

bedouindude: I have a small variety of vidoes, representing several different genres.

bedouindude: That doin' it for ya?

n2luuuuuuv: Several genres? You an eclectic sexual deviant, Mulder?

bedouindude: It's not all porn!

n2luuuuuuv: Oh. Really?

bedouindude: Yes, really! What is it with people thinking all I watch is porn???

n2luuuuuuv: I counted 38 tapes. I just...

bedouindude: But that's not all that was there!

bedouindude: I mean porn wasn't the only thing there! Not that there were more than 38!

n2luuuuuuv: So what else? Besides porn?

bedouindude: Sci fi, drama, comedy, romance, a couple of classics, some homemade ones...god, Krycek, why do you care?

n2luuuuuuv: Do you miss rain?

bedouindude: I don't know, I guess so, why?

n2luuuuuuv: It hasn't stopped raining here in a month. One of the two months I've been back alive.

bedouindude: Oh yeah? Where is that, Krycek?

n2luuuuuuv: You want me to drop my pants before you've even got your collar unbuttoned.

bedouindude: You know where I am.

n2luuuuuuv: You're a rude desert bedouin, yeah. I don't know exactly where. I don't want to know. In case they find me and use my brain again. I really don't want to know, Mulder.

bedouindude: Two months, huh?

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah. One in a bed growing an arm. And now...non-stop rain. And no TV.

bedouindude: So what took you so long to fnd me?

n2luuuuuuv: Well, physical pain...from the arm. Then learning to use it again. Then ditching the goddamned Smiths to go into hiding myself. I thought I did relatively well.

bedouindude: I suppose.

bedouindude: So you're typing two-handed, now?

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah. You?

bedouindude: Yes, Krycek.

bedouindude: If you hate the rain so much, why don't you go somewhere else?

n2luuuuuuv: Well, shitty rain. Good view. It's a compromise.

bedouindude: Ah.

bedouindude: So, you get the use of your hand, and the first thing you do is IM me?

n2luuuuuuv: Of course not. I cleaned my gun.

bedouindude: Missed that, did ya?

n2luuuuuuv: No. That's a must-have, Mulder. Shockingly, it comes before signing on.

bedouindude: So you're rogue, then?

n2luuuuuuv: Rogue. I like that. Rogue Alex and Bedouin Mulder. We could make great action figures.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm on my own. Like you.

bedouindude: And what are you doing there on your own?

n2luuuuuuv: IMing you, what does it look like, dickhead.

bedouindude: That all, dickhead?

n2luuuuuuv: Get your own endearment, that's mine.

n2luuuuuuv: I wanted to have some intel for you. Some kind of juicy file. I actually found your screen name faster than I thought I would, so I didn't have anything prepared. I thought about waiting, but I...couldn't. Hence the incredibly bizarre intro.

bedouindude: Incredibly.

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah, I choked. Probably a first...

bedouindude: And the name. Did you just hold down the 'u' key?

n2luuuuuuv: yeah

bedouindude: How was it accomplished? The mind control?

n2luuuuuuv: How the hell should I know?

bedouindude: All right, then. What was it like?

n2luuuuuuv: What was it LIKE? Seeing you over the barrel of my gun? Hearing those words come out of my mouth? Your fucking eyes gone cold as stone... And then bleeding on the fucking pavement while I heard myself tell Skinner to kill you? You want me to RELIVE that for YOU?

bedouindude: No. I just meant...

n2luuuuuuv: You meant what. You thought it'd be cool to know things like...if I was conscious? YES. If I could feel my body? YES. If I could feel your hatred still? YES. If I was completely fucking helpless? Not a FUCKING CHANCE! I would have found a way to shoot mySELF rather than be your murderer!

bedouindude: Krycek, I didn't...yeah, I guess that was what I wanted to know.

n2luuuuuuv: Do you feel better now? I really wanna know. I want you to feel better. Do you? Say you do...

bedouindude: Well, yes, I guess.

bedouindude: Yeah. I do.

n2luuuuuuv: Good.

n2luuuuuuv: So what did you have for dinner tonight?

bedouindude: Packaged chicken and dumplings. Was actually kinda good...

bedouindude: You?

n2luuuuuuv: Bran Flakes.

bedouindude: Really.

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah, really. What, you gonna make a crack now? Old geezer, constipated Krycek? Go ahead. See if I care, Mulder.

bedouindude: LOL...no.

bedouindude: Are you really angry at me?

n2luuuuuuv: No, Mulder.

n2luuuuuuv: Shit. No, I'm not angry.

n2luuuuuuv: Don't you get it?

n2luuuuuuv: I miss you.

bedouindude: That's why you're yelling at me over Bran Flakes?

n2luuuuuuv: Well... Yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: Isn't that how you want it? How you need it? Rough and angry?

bedouindude: No.

bedouindude: So, good view, huh?

n2luuuuuuv: ?

bedouindude: You said you had a good view.

n2luuuuuuv: Oh.

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah. I did.

n2luuuuuuv: I do.

n2luuuuuuv: It's uh...wet trees and a brook. Some rocks. I guess it's tranquil. Funny, how I'm still not sleeping.

bedouindude: Me either.

bedouindude: Wet anything sounds nice, as views go.

bedouindude: It's fucking hot, here.

bedouindude: Duh, Mulder.

n2luuuuuuv: Not duh. :-$ In some deserts, it gets really cold at night.

bedouindude: Yeah, it does, actually. Weirdest damned thing.

bedouindude: The sweat still hasn't dried on my arms and I have to put on a jacket.

n2luuuuuuv: So...you wanna relocate?

bedouindude: Thought you said it was dangerous for you to know where I was.

n2luuuuuuv: I don't want to know where you are. I'm talking about you being where I am. Joining me.

bedouindude: Then you'd definintely know where I was.

n2luuuuuuv: But then I could watch your back. It'd be somewhat comforting, wouldn't it? Having a...friend in all this?

n2luuuuuuv: At least a guy who doesn't want to be alone. And who's invested in keeping both your asses alive.

bedouindude: I only have one ass.

n2luuuuuuv: Your...our... I was displacing, dammit!

bedouindude: Krycek, we were only separated for a couple of hours before when they got to you. What's to stop them from doing it again?

n2luuuuuuv: I am. And you are. Now we both know what they're capable of, and we know what they want. I'm okay with sticking pretty close together for a while... Until we get things under control.

bedouindude: Maybe, if you *could* explore what happened to you more deeply, you'd be able to figure out how they did it, then you could protect yourself from it.

n2luuuuuuv: What are you suggesting, Mulder.

bedouindude: Well, you'd have to delve into those memories. Into that experience. Dissect it.

bedouindude: I could help you.

n2luuuuuuv: How could you? Help me?

bedouindude: I'm a psychologist, Krycek, or did you forget?

bedouindude: Plus...I was there.

n2luuuuuuv: Do I have to...be out of control?

n2luuuuuuv: Hypnosis?

bedouindude: No. At least, we can try it without hypnosis at first.

n2luuuuuuv: I don't want to lose control, Mulder. I really don't.

bedouindude: I know. I understand. We'll do everything we can to do it without that. I'll just help you retrace everything that happened from the moment things went...wrong.

n2luuuuuuv: Ha. When I met CGB Spender you mean?

bedouindude: Maybe some other time, Alex.

bedouindude: No, I'm talking about in the parking garage. When did you first feel like something wasn't in your control?

n2luuuuuuv: You wanna do this NOW?

bedouindude: We don't have to, but we do have to do it before I'm getting anywhere near you.

bedouindude: Sorry, Alex. You seem to be their best weapon against me, and me against you.

n2luuuuuuv: I want you to be able to...get near me. I guess I wanna do it now.

bedouindude: So, do you remember? The first moment you realized something felt wrong?

bedouindude: Like automatic driving, without the car? Maybe just looking up and noticing that you didn't remember how you'd gotten somewhere?

n2luuuuuuv: Walking between the pillars...

bedouindude: Okay, good. Do you remember if there were any thoughts going through your head? Especially repetitive ones?

n2luuuuuuv: He has to die.

n2luuuuuuv: Oh God.

bedouindude: It's okay. Just breathe.

bedouindude: I'm here. I'm alive. THEY FAILED.

bedouindude: Alex?

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm here. Sorry.

bedouindude: That's okay.

n2luuuuuuv: I walked up to your car and they said to smash the window and take the phone. I didn't want to, but my hand shot out and I felt glass... Mulder. I don'tthinkicando

bedouindude: Okay, stop.

bedouindude: Just stop.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm sorry! You won't get near me! You won't getnearmenow

bedouindude: Alex, just calm down, okay?

bedouindude: I will. I will get near you. I'll be with you soon.

bedouindude: Let's go back to the pillars, okay?

bedouindude: Was there a sound? Or a ringing or pain in your ears or head?

bedouindude: I'm thinking they used Type One mind control.

n2luuuuuuv: Sound and pain, yes.

bedouindude: Okay, yes. What did it sound like?

n2luuuuuuv: High buzz. Like...flies screaming.

bedouindude: Was it more in one ear than the other? Did it change as you moved?

n2luuuuuuv: Yes. Back and forth. Wherever I turned. It was there.

bedouindude: So it was as if it tuned into your movement and got clear again, each time?

bedouindude: Krycek...have you scanned for implants???

n2luuuuuuv: Yes. The Smiths did.

n2luuuuuuv: All they found was a piece of shrapnel. I made them show it to me. It didn't look like...

bedouindude: Did you keep it?

n2luuuuuuv: They have it. The Smiths.

bedouindude: We need to get a look at it. Under a microscope.

n2luuuuuuv: If they can track me with it...designed it for that...I don't want to be anywhere near it and I DON'T want you near it either, Mulder!

bedouindude: If we know how it works, we can protect ourselves. If we don't find out for sure, we'll never know.

bedouindude: Can you communicate with the Smiths? Have them do further study on it?

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah. All right.

bedouindude: Good.

bedouindude: If we can discern that it's an implant and that it could be used to control you, we'll know you're safe from them.

n2luuuuuuv: You're right.

n2luuuuuuv: As always.

n2luuuuuuv: Fucker.

bedouindude: 8-)

n2luuuuuuv: Do you know why I IMed you, Mulder?

bedouindude: Why, Alex?

n2luuuuuuv: Because I wanted to die again tonight. And I thought if you did, too, maybe I could make you feel better...and then I'd feel better, too.

bedouindude: I do feel better.

bedouindude: I'm really glad you IM'd me, Alex.

bedouindude: Really, really glad.

bedouindude: Freakish intro and all.

n2luuuuuuv: You read my mind, Spooky. ;-)

bedouindude: Not dickhead, anymore?

n2luuuuuuv: Sorry. Dickhead.

bedouindude: Assclown.

n2luuuuuuv: 'Office Space'! That was the uh... Federal-Pound-You-In- The-Ass Prison, too! I KNEW that sounded familiar!

bedouindude: ;-) Told you it wasn't all porn.

n2luuuuuuv: Bring some? When you come?

n2luuuuuuv: Whenever that is.

n2luuuuuuv: Not the porn!

n2luuuuuuv: I mean, sure the porn. But not just the porn. Or...something.

bedouindude: I imagine I'll be bringing everything.

n2luuuuuuv: You will?

bedouindude: You sound like you need me, Alex.

bedouindude: I've always needed you, you know.

bedouindude: Assclown.

bedouindude: Alex?

n2luuuuuuv: dickhead

bedouindude: Yeah yeah yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: When?

bedouindude: When you get me the results.

n2luuuuuuv: And you'll be here? In the meantime?

bedouindude: Yes.

bedouindude: You're the best thing that's happened since I got here.

bedouindude: Well, you and the beer delivery.

n2luuuuuuv: Bring that, too, wouldya?

bedouindude: Sure. :-)

bedouindude: So. Wanna sleep with me?

bedouindude: I think I can, now.

bedouindude: Can you?

n2luuuuuuv: Can...I...

bedouindude: Sleep, Alex.

n2luuuuuuv: Sleep? Now? Oh...um, yeah. I think I can. If you'll still be here when I wake up.

bedouindude: Well, I may be asleep, but I'll get on when I get up.

bedouindude: Yes, I promise.

n2luuuuuuv: Then sleep well. All right?

bedouindude: I think I will. For a change. You, too.

n2luuuuuuv: See you in the morning.

n2luuuuuuv: Thank you.

n2luuuuuuv: Thank you, Mulder.

Hot Desert Nights II:
Lists
by Satina and Shannon
3/06/05

n2luuuuuuv: We need a password, don't you think? You up, Mulder?

bedouindude: Good idea. 'Morning, Alex.

n2luuuuuuv: Morning. :-)

n2luuuuuuv: So...dickhead?

bedouindude: Hmm.

bedouindude: Ass For Hire

n2luuuuuuv: That's the password? Or your new name for me? I gotta tell you, I'm not for hire anymore for nefarious activities. That and you're the one person on this earth who can have me for free.

bedouindude: Well then it doesn't make a very good screenname. But I like it as a password.

n2luuuuuuv: Works.

n2luuuuuuv: So how did you sleep? Or did you?

bedouindude: Yeah, I did. No nightmares for a change. :-) You?

bedouindude: Me, too.

n2luuuuuuv: Coffee's a really good thing. Do you still drink it? And with all that sugar and artificial cream stuff?

bedouindude: Yeah. :-)

n2luuuuuuv: Are you drinking it now? If you feel uncomfortable answering...you know because of letting me know your time zone...

bedouindude: Yeah, still working on the cold dregs of a cup.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm ready for more myself. Still *not* raining there?

bedouindude: Still not. :-) Still raining there?

n2luuuuuuv: Yep. Looking out the window at it. It's more an...ooze today. And I can see the brook at least. Little fog...

n2luuuuuuv: You know, I would have hated this weather two days ago, I think.

bedouindude: No offense, but I still hate 117 degree heat.

n2luuuuuuv: Not for long...

bedouindude: :-)

n2luuuuuuv: Talked to the Smiths. Made myself do it before I logged on. They still have it. They've *been* analyzing it. It's like nothing they've even ever seen. They're bringing in a powerful...uh....remote...something. ??

bedouindude: Ah. Remote...somethings. Shouldn't be long now, then. ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: I think what they said was 'viewers'. It was a bad line...a pay phone at the bottom of the hill here. I've never heard the term. Thought you might have.

bedouindude: Ah, yes, I was just researching them today, in fact. Remote viewers are people...beings...individuals...who can see psychically at any distance.

n2luuuuuuv: Theoretically see into the mind of an alien? Or their collective mind?

bedouindude: No, remote viewing isn't looking into another's mind, it's just looking at external things from a distance.  Being there without your body.

bedouindude: Like, if I could remote view you, I'd be able to see what you were wearing.

n2luuuuuuv: Can you? Remote view what I'm wearing, Mulder?

bedouindude: ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: Don't be a dickhead, dickhead.

bedouindude: I just wouldn't want to reveal all my secrets.

bedouindude: Surely you understand *that*, Alex.

n2luuuuuuv: I think I do, yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: Coffee...brb

n2luuuuuuv: And in the interest of revealing what few secrets I can... Blue jeans and a T-shirt. ;-)

bedouindude: What color?

n2luuuuuuv: Black.

bedouindude: Natch.

n2luuuuuuv: You think it's all I wear?

bedouindude: Well, I'm trying to think when I've seen you in something else...since the bureau, anyway.

n2luuuuuuv: Well, all right, but it doesn't mean I don't own colors.

bedouindude: Just means you don't wear them. Around me, anyway.

n2luuuuuuv: Well, maybe I will. From now on.

bedouindude: Oh yeah? What color?

n2luuuuuuv: I have some blue.

bedouindude: Blue's good. I can see blue.

n2luuuuuuv: And white!

n2luuuuuuv: White t-shirts...

bedouindude: Not really a color...

bedouindude: Although white light is made up of all the colors in the spectrum, technically.

n2luuuuuuv: All right, dickhead, if that doesn't *count* for you... I have some... Well, they're kind of... Forest green pajamas.

bedouindude: That *is* a color, although it's one I can't see...

bedouindude: And why does it give you such pleasure to call me dickhead, anyway?

n2luuuuuuv: Does it piss you off? I'll stop.

bedouindude: No, just curious.

n2luuuuuuv: It just seems to...fit you. Are you pissed *now*?

bedouindude: How does it fit me?

bedouindude: I mean, it's interesting that we use an extremely pleasurable part of our body as an epithet, don't you think?

bedouindude: Yes, that part of our body can do damage, but really, it's much more likely to bring someone pleasure.

bedouindude: And yet it's a widely accepted form of insult.

bedouindude: Interesting.

n2luuuuuuv: I just like it because it sums up how insufferable you can be sometimes. Times like now.

n2luuuuuuv: But you're right. There's nothing inherently insufferable about an actual dickhead. Not mine anyway. LOL!

bedouindude: Insufferable. An interesting word, too. Not able to be suffered? So I am as insufferable to you as dickheads are?

n2luuuuuuv: No, I.... It's not like...

n2luuuuuuv: Well, what about ASSCLOWN?!

bedouindude: LOL

bedouindude: The difference is, I don't use it copiously.

bedouindude: As you do 'dickhead'.

n2luuuuuuv: I do not use it copiously. Only when you are, in fact, being the head of a dick.

bedouindude: Ah, and here we have to ask the question, "How?"

bedouindude: What does the head of a dick do to you that you feel I am also doing to you?

n2luuuuuuv: Like this! This pokepokepoking you do! Argh!

bedouindude: Well, at least that makes more sense.

n2luuuuuuv: Finally! Fuck, Mulder! :-)

bedouindude: So, you've had a lot of trouble with dick heads poking you, then?

n2luuuuuuv: Not lately.

bedouindude: Mm.

bedouindude: I suppose I can accept the nickname (endearment?), due to your sufficient rationale for its use.

bedouindude: And I guess, along that same vein, I'll need to think of a way to ascribe to you the properties of a good lubricant.

bedouindude: Slippery, hard to hold onto, facilitates entry into difficult places, makes things more interesting.

bedouindude: Very difficult to get along without, in certain circumstances.

n2luuuuuuv: So I'm...KY? Astroglide? Wet?

bedouindude: Slick.

n2luuuuuuv: So you're okay with me calling your dickhead if I'm okay with you calling me slick?

n2luuuuuuv: You. Calling YOU dickhead.

bedouindude: I can deal, yeah.

bedouindude: So, slick, you gonna help facilitate this dickhead's entry into the places I wanna go, now?

n2luuuuuuv: Well, it certainly looks like that's what we're made for. Better than peanut butter and chocolate.

bedouindude: I am *so* the chocolate.

n2luuuuuuv: Oh yeah? Why?

bedouindude: Just am.

n2luuuuuuv: Just ARE?? After you grilled me on dickhead??

bedouindude: That was different. That was YOU naming ME. This is ME naming ME.

bedouindude: I don't have to justify it because you don't have to accept it.

n2luuuuuuv: Wht if I do? Accept it?

bedouindude: Smart boy.

n2luuuuuuv: You can be chocolate. I can see you being chocolate.

bedouindude: Oh yeah? How?

bedouindude: 0:-)

n2luuuuuuv: You're bein' a real dickhead. You know that, right?

bedouindude: LOL

n2luuuuuuv: You *do* know.

n2luuuuuuv: You like it.

bedouindude: So do you.

n2luuuuuuv: So what's for breakfast?

bedouindude: I'm thinking Cocoa Puffs.

n2luuuuuuv: Right on.

n2luuuuuuv: Bran Flakes again. I just like them.

bedouindude: Nothing wrong with Bran Flakes.

n2luuuuuuv: I enjoy their mild sweetness.

bedouindude: I can understand that.

bedouindude: Me, I took a detour and ended up with chicken and crackers.

n2luuuuuuv: Mmm... Not a bad breakfast, Mulder.

bedouindude: Carbs, protein, what more do you need?

bedouindude: You need some protein, Alex.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm all right. I'll get some.

bedouindude: When? If you don't start the day with protein, you can end up light-headed and bitchy.

bedouindude: (Just ask Scully. Or observe her.)

n2luuuuuuv: Okay. Uh...I'll have a hard-boiled egg in a little bit. Happy?

bedouindude: Just one?

bedouindude: For a man your size? Better make it at least two.

n2luuuuuuv: I was planning on three actually.

bedouindude: Why'd you say 'a hard-boiled egg' then?

n2luuuuuuv: I wasn't trying to deceive you, you know? I'm self- conscious, okay?

bedouindude: About eating eggs??

n2luuuuuuv: About eating a lot of eggs, yeah! And truthfully, I'm gonna eat FOUR. That okay with you?

bedouindude: Completely.

bedouindude: You're a big guy, you need fuel.

n2luuuuuuv: A big guy? What is *that* supposed to mean?

bedouindude: What? What do you mean??

bedouindude: You know, big. Bigger than me. Broad chest, big arms, solid build...??

n2luuuuuuv: Just say it. You think I have a fat ass.

bedouindude: LOL! What?!!

bedouindude: Are you SERIOUS???

bedouindude: Omigod.

n2luuuuuuv: Shut up, Mulder.

bedouindude: You...seriously...think...I...think you have a fat ASS?

n2luuuuuuv: You said it yourself. I'm bigger than you. My build is "solid". I know what that means. SOLID.

bedouindude: Alex...omigod...

bedouindude: I'm choking on my chicken over here...just a sec...

bedouindude: Your ass...is not fat.

n2luuuuuuv: You're just saying that now.

bedouindude: Omigod! I am NOT!

bedouindude: Alex! Your ass is great! Mine's skinny and narrow and barely fills out a pair of 501's! Yours is full, round, and looks *great* in jeans!

n2luuuuuuv: It does?

bedouindude: Yes.

n2luuuuuuv: (yours isn't skinny)

bedouindude: It *so* is.

n2luuuuuuv: It's just right.

n2luuuuuuv: Mine's too big. I don't like it. You're just coddling me, which makes no sense since...well, you're Mulder.

bedouindude: Exactly.

bedouindude: I don't coddle.

bedouindude: Ever.

n2luuuuuuv: So you're...telling me the truth, then.

bedouindude: Have you ever known me to lie?

n2luuuuuuv: Yes! 'Go requisition us a CAR...' ?!?!

bedouindude: Oh god, all right, yes, I was being a total DICKHEAD. But since???

n2luuuuuuv: No. Not since.

bedouindude: Okay then.

n2luuuuuuv: So...you don't think it's too big?

n2luuuuuuv: And you think it's...a good...butt?

n2luuuuuuv: And four eggs isn't three too many?

bedouindude: Alex, if you start eating like Scully, the deal's off.

n2luuuuuuv: :-)

bedouindude: And yeah, you have a cute butt.

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah? Cute?

bedouindude: Yes. All right?

bedouindude: And I've always been envious of your arms. Well, Jesus, you know what I mean, right?

bedouindude: All muscular and strong, molding the tight fabric of your shirt, stretching the seams.

bedouindude: And your shoulders. Broad and hard, but still curved, no hard edges. And your neck. Strong and masculine, but not so 'built up' that it disappears. Well-defined but still graceful.

bedouindude: Jesus.

bedouindude: I'm gonna go drink out of the milk carton or something before this gets out of hand.

bedouindude: Or leave the seat up or something. God.

bedouindude: Maybe there's a game on...

n2luuuuuuv: Thank you. :-)

bedouindude: Sure.

n2luuuuuuv: The left one's...not built now. I just want you to know it might be jarring to...see it. It's weak.

bedouindude: How does it feel?

n2luuuuuuv: Shaky sometimes. Like it's not gonna make it through the day.

bedouindude: You're probably pushing yourself too hard.

bedouindude: Used to being able to crush rocks and shit, I don't know. Treat it like it was *my* arm. ;-)

bedouindude: You know, start with ten pound weights...work up to fifteen... ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: I'm not the hulk, Mulder, I never was!

bedouindude: Oh god not this again.

bedouindude: You're stronger than me. You're harder than me. You could break me over your knee, if you wanted to.

n2luuuuuuv: I don't want to.

bedouindude: Lucky for me.

n2luuuuuuv: Thanks for the encouragement. It's just...strange. Like it's not a real part of me yet.

bedouindude: I'm sure.

bedouindude: It's only two months old. Give it a little babying. Don't expect it to just catch up to the perfect strength and skill of your other one right away.

bedouindude: Make friends with it. Stop seeing it as 'other'. Get to know it and appreciate it for what it is, and what it can be, with a little time.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm trying. Thanks. For everything.

bedouindude: Sure.

n2luuuuuuv: So once the remote viewer has something to say about it and the Smiths make a determination, you're gonna...come here?

bedouindude: I think that's a good plan, yes.

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah. It's a good plan. The desert can make you crazy. I think this is a better climate for hiding...for you.

bedouindude: I never was much into sunshine.

bedouindude: I prefer a good overcast day.

n2luuuuuuv: I think this is ideal for you, then.

bedouindude: Could be.

n2luuuuuuv: It's very overcast.

bedouindude: Nice.

bedouindude: No more shaking scorpions out of my sheets.

n2luuuuuuv: Scorpions? Really? :-\

bedouindude: Yeah. Really. =:-O

bedouindude: Gotta piss...brb

n2luuuuuuv: okay

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder?

bedouindude: I was taking a piss, Alex, I told you.

n2luuuuuuv: Sorry. I thought you might've been attacked by a mutant scorpion or something.

bedouindude: No. Although they do tend to hang out in there. :-\

n2luuuuuuv: Gross.

n2luuuuuuv: I'll make the Smiths hurry.

bedouindude: Okay.

n2luuuuuuv: So do you like the ocean?

bedouindude: I love it.

n2luuuuuuv: 'Cause I'm pretty near one. ;-)

bedouindude: Ya don't say.

n2luuuuuuv: I do say.

n2luuuuuuv: So... What are you doing?

bedouindude: What do you think, IMing with you, slick.

bedouindude: Hmmm...that's just not as satisfying as dickhead.

n2luuuuuuv: LMAO!!!!!!! It's not?

bedouindude: Oh GOD.

n2luuuuuuv: Don't worry, Mulder. You can say shit like that without me thinking you've switched teams.

bedouindude: Why is that?

n2luuuuuuv: Well... It was a mistake. It was...just a slip of the tongue.

bedouindude: Or the fingers, as the case may be.

n2luuuuuuv: Well, I am slippery. Like you said.

bedouindude: Yes.

n2luuuuuuv: So. What are you doing? Besides IMing me.

bedouindude: Screwing around on the 'net.

n2luuuuuuv: Do you...mind the company?

bedouindude: No, you moron.

n2luuuuuuv: I wasn't sure if my own...loneliness was coloring my judgment about whether or not you were...having...a good time, too.

bedouindude: Alex...

bedouindude: All right.

bedouindude: I'll tell you.

bedouindude: When you IM'd me last night, I was sitting here at the table with my gun laid out in front of me, round in the chamber, staring at it.

n2luuuuuuv: Jesus. Mulder don't...

bedouindude: I'm not.

n2luuuuuuv: You're sure? Because I *will* find you. I'll hunt you down and get that damned thing out of your hands, Mulder.

bedouindude: I'm sure, Alex.

bedouindude: You little fuck, don't you get it? Before you IM'd me, I had nothing. Now...I do.

bedouindude: There. There's your name. Little fuck.

n2luuuuuuv: I like it.

n2luuuuuuv: Thank you.

bedouindude: Sure.

n2luuuuuuv: :-)

n2luuuuuuv: I'm...glad. Mulder.

n2luuuuuuv: I had nothing, too. Until you.

n2luuuuuuv: Um, I really need those eggs now.

bedouindude: Go eat. I'll be here.

n2luuuuuuv: You will?

n2luuuuuuv: I may be about 15 minutes...

bedouindude: That's okay. I don't have anything else to do. And put some butter on 'em, wouldja? You looked thin the last time I saw you.

n2luuuuuuv: :-)

n2luuuuuuv: brb

bedouindude: k

n2luuuuuuv: got eggs...eating...

bedouindude: I decided to have some, too.

bedouindude: But mine turned out all wrong.

bedouindude: I've never made them before, so I went and found this website, and it said to boil them for one minute and then let them sit.

bedouindude: GROSS. They were NOT done.

n2luuuuuuv: nonono... Who the hell told you to do that? >:o

bedouindude: It's the first site that comes up in google when you put in 'boil eggs'

bedouindude: Asshole.

bedouindude: Not you.

bedouindude: The asshole who put up the directions.

n2luuuuuuv: Yes, well, you need to actually boil your eggs for ten munutes. I don't know what this one-minute shit is.

bedouindude: So, do you bring the water to a boil first, then add the eggs, THEN count the ten minutes? And then what? God, this cooking thing is SO complicated!!!

n2luuuuuuv: Relax, Mulder. Put the eggs in a saucepan or small pot. Then cover them in COLD water. Then put them on the stove and bring them to a boil. Once boiling, lower the heat to medium, start your timer to 10 minutes, then wait. You okay?

bedouindude: I don't think I can handle all that.

bedouindude: I will *so* forget about them.

bedouindude: I mean, between the time that I turn on the heat and they start boiling...and then what? Huh? Then what?

bedouindude: It's not good.

bedouindude: There's no damned takeout in the desert, ya know!

n2luuuuuuv: I know. I'm sorry. Can you do some dishes at the sink while you wait for them to boil? Then you can see and hear them and you won't forget.

bedouindude: Pffffft...dishes???

bedouindude: Paper plates. Forks made out of some corn-based plastic the guys showed me once.

bedouindude: You know. To save water. It's very scarce out here.

n2luuuuuuv: You gotta move. Although corn forks sound cool.

bedouindude: Yeah, they are. They're totally biodegradable.

n2luuuuuuv: And they don't turn into creamed corn while you eat??

bedouindude: Nope. Stronger than regular plastic, actually.

n2luuuuuuv: Really...

bedouindude: Yeah, I read on the 'net that they're making cellphones out of it, too, now.

bedouindude: Embedded with a sunflower seed so that they grow something when you throw them away.

bedouindude: Well, not just something. A sunflower, actually.

n2luuuuuuv: No shit.

n2luuuuuuv: ;-)

bedouindude: Bite me.

n2luuuuuuv: :-D

n2luuuuuuv: So... Do you have contact with anyone else? Ever?

bedouindude: Scully and I have a way to exchange emails.

bedouindude: And I'm on lists, but they don't know who I am.

n2luuuuuuv: You're not being M.F. Luder are you?

bedouindude: No.

bedouindude: :-x

n2luuuuuuv: Good.

n2luuuuuuv: So you and Scully talk a lot?

bedouindude: No. She doesn't email from home or the office. She's afraid of being traced, so she goes to Internet cafes. Different ones.

n2luuuuuuv: But not often?

bedouindude: No, not really. Why?

n2luuuuuuv: Just wondered.

bedouindude: What about you?

n2luuuuuuv: I don't talk to Scully.

bedouindude: :-\ Ya don't say.

n2luuuuuuv: Sorry. Did you mean...do I have...someone? Or people?

bedouindude: Yes, Alex, that's what I meant.

n2luuuuuuv: No. Nobody. Except you, of course. I have you.

bedouindude: No one?

n2luuuuuuv: Not right now, no. I mean...I've been dead. And I didn't have anyone before that, either. So no. No one.

bedouindude: And...I'm the one you came looking for?

n2luuuuuuv: You don't get it, do you?

bedouindude: I guess not. Not totally, anyway.

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder... You're my *world*.

bedouindude: I'm...not sure...what you mean.

n2luuuuuuv: Everybody else I knew from when I was alive was a piece of filth. I wasn't human anymore. I figured you were the one I needed to talk to. If I planned on being human ever again. You're the good that's left in this world for me.

bedouindude: Oh.

n2luuuuuuv: Sorry. I'm freaking you out.

bedouindude: No.

bedouindude: I mean, I understand.

bedouindude: Or I think I do. I mean, you weren't associated with good people. Why *would* you want to come back and get back into that?

bedouindude: I haven't ever been the good in someone's world before. I don't know if I'm that good at it.

n2luuuuuuv: I think you are.

bedouindude: Thank you.

n2luuuuuuv: So you said you got a beer delivery. You trust your delivery guy?

bedouindude: Yeah, he's a kid off the reservation a couple hundred miles away. His family...well, they actually kinda brought me back to life, once.

bedouindude: I guess you probably know a lot more about where I am, now. I'm not worried about that, you know.

n2luuuuuuv: I just don't want them to get at you because you opened up to me. I'd hate to...be that again.

bedouindude: You won't. Now that I know, I don't think it would be that hard to stop you.

bedouindude: It only works when they keep us hating each other. Expecting the worst from each other. Then we don't even try for anything different, and they win.

n2luuuuuuv: You're right. So...

n2luuuuuuv: There's none of that left for you? The hate?

bedouindude: No.

bedouindude: I can't say there's no pain. There is. But no hate, Alex. Not sure there ever was.

n2luuuuuuv: That's... I'm not sure... I believe you. It's just...a lot to take in.

bedouindude: You're not sure you believe I don't hate you?

n2luuuuuuv: No, I'm sorry!

n2luuuuuuv: I believe.

n2luuuuuuv: I believe, Mulder.

bedouindude: Good.

bedouindude: I like you, Alex. I didn't really know you before, but I'm really having a good time getting to know you now.

n2luuuuuuv: :-)

n2luuuuuuv: I am, too. And I didn't know you either. Funny how that didn't seem to matter enough to make me stop working against you. Not for years anyway. Not really until Tunguska.

bedouindude: Why Tunguska?

n2luuuuuuv: I didn't start to see who you really were...what you were really trying to do...until the took my arm. I spent a lot of time thinking about how things could have been different.

n2luuuuuuv: When I came to you with Weikamp, I know I put up a front. That whole, 'If it wasn't in my best interests' thing. It wasn't true. But I didn't think you'd listen to me unless I hated you. How fucked is that?

bedouindude: It's pretty fucked, but it's probably true, too.

bedouindude: I wouldn't have trusted anything else as being sincere.

n2luuuuuuv: Well. I've been different since then. But I still didn't know how to *know* you. I had to die first.

bedouindude: I don't know if that was totally necessary, but I guess only *you* can really know that one for sure.

n2luuuuuuv: I have nightmares. (Last night helped a lot, though.) And I have this fear that all of this isn't real. That this is what hell is...just *thinking* this is happening. But you're helping with that, too, because you're not being who you would be to me if I really was in hell. I guess what I'm saying is, even though there's some pretty scary baggage to go with coming back from the dead, I'm really glad I'm here. I'm new. I guess that's what the arm can really mean. Not weakness. Newness.

bedouindude: I think that's a really great way to look at it.

bedouindude: So, talking to me over IM makes you think you're in hell, huh? ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: No. It makes me think someone up there actually fucking likes me.

bedouindude: I like you.

bedouindude: Guess I already said that, though. Soooo....what are *you* doing besides IM'ing with me?

n2luuuuuuv: I'm liking you, too. Dickhead.

n2luuuuuuv: And I'm lifting a ten pound weight when I'm not typing. :-)

bedouindude: Not me. I'm keepin' my spaghetti arms just the way they are, dammit.

n2luuuuuuv: They're fine. Your spaghetti arms.

bedouindude: Kicked your ass.

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah. Good times. :-)

bedouindude: ::rolls eyes::

n2luuuuuuv: Well, you never did any permanent damage or anything. I can handle a bloody lip from time to time.

bedouindude: It's not like you're going to have to, you know.

bedouindude: I'm not, by nature, a violent person.

n2luuuuuuv: I know you're not. We had a special kind of relationship, Mulder. On some level, maybe only chemical, I understood it. It's always made perfect sense to me.

bedouindude: Weird how it was so easy to just slide right into that, huh? Even when there was a year or more between our meetups. It's like in some fucked up way, I just knew you *that* well.

n2luuuuuuv: You mean your office? With Skinner reffing? Do you know I hated him for that? I wanted you to have what you wanted out of me. It was never any of his concern.

bedouindude: He's lucky I didn't hit *him*. I would have, if I hadn't been in the atmosphere of the office, where I seem to naturally defer to him.

n2luuuuuuv: Seemed.

bedouindude: Totally.

n2luuuuuuv: :-)

bedouindude: *He's* the murderer and the coward. I know that, now.

bedouindude: I mean, stopping you was one thing. But that last shot was cold- blooded murder.

bedouindude: I didn't condone that even when I thought you intended to kill me. I just...deferred. And I was in deep shock. I'm sorry.

n2luuuuuuv: I had essentially taken over his life, Mulder. And I know you were in shock. You don't have to apologize to me.

bedouindude: I know what you did. I was inside your *head* at one point, Alex. Do you realize that? And I was inside his. And he sold me out to you to save his own ass.

n2luuuuuuv: I know. I guess, because I've been one, I can understand the extent of that cowardice. Even though I still hated him for it even as I made him do it.

bedouindude: I know that, too. You were one fucked up little man, Krycek. It hurt my head to even try to mess around in there.

n2luuuuuuv: Well, I am Little Fuck, right? ;-) Uh, sorry.

bedouindude: Oh, you get capitals, but I'm just dickhead. I see how you are.

n2luuuuuuv: I... I didn't mean... little fucker's fine. sorry.

n2luuuuuuv: Fuck! I mean, fuck! Tired new hand?

bedouindude: Evil hand?

n2luuuuuuv: Something like that.

bedouindude: Yes, though, you're right. You have been one MESSED up little fuck, Krycek.

bedouindude: If I hadn't been so busy trying to deal with everything else going on, I would soooooo have loved to dig around in your brain some more, when I had the capability.

n2luuuuuuv: Well, I had my own shit to do, too, Mulder. It wasn't our time.

bedouindude: Yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: I'll let you in now, though. If you still want that.

bedouindude: I can't do that anymore. They sliced out a piece of my brain.

n2luuuuuuv: I mean...I'll tell you things...about me. If you want.

bedouindude: Of course I want.

n2luuuuuuv: Maybe we could start with easy stuff. I'm new to disclosure.

bedouindude: Well, you've already told me you own some blue clothing...

n2luuuuuuv: And green pajamas.

bedouindude: Ah yes. Which will appear gray to me.

bedouindude: Not that I'll necessarily *see* your pajamas, of course!

n2luuuuuuv: Will you want a place here? I mean, of your own? I thought it might be safer if you stayed here. With me.

bedouindude: You have room for me?

n2luuuuuuv: It's small, but... I think I could *make* room. Yeah.

bedouindude: Roommates, huh? Never had one of those. Well, in college...

n2luuuuuuv: I never have. But it gets...dull here...by myself.

bedouindude: My roommates never really...enjoyed the experience much.

bedouindude: I mean, it usually started out okay, but...it pretty much always ended badly.

bedouindude: I tried it three times. In the dorms. As an undergrad. Then I finally persuaded my mother that I was *not* going to benefit from her intention to force people to be with me, and she paid for me a private room.

n2luuuuuuv: But...I like you.

bedouindude: Sometimes they thought they did, too. Until they tried to live with me.

n2luuuuuuv: I think this is different.

n2luuuuuuv: Don't you?

bedouindude: I don't know.

bedouindude: I'm not that easy to be with.

n2luuuuuuv: Are you KIDDING? I AM?!

bedouindude: I don't cook.

bedouindude: I don't clean.

bedouindude: I don't sleep.

bedouindude: I don't remember birthdays and shit.

bedouindude: I can't keep track of the time to save my life.

bedouindude: I can become obsessive about something and forget the rest of the world exists.

bedouindude: Including my fish.

bedouindude: I leave milk and orange juice in the fridge until it gets moldy. Then I leave it there some more.

bedouindude: I forget to eat for hours and hours, then get really psycho and eat everything I can put my hands on.

bedouindude: I buy personal care products, then forget I bought them, then buy some more, until I can't open the cabinets without getting seriously injured.

bedouindude: I'm not sure what floor wax is for or how one would even begin to use it.

bedouindude: I prefer to have the curtains closed almost all the time. I don't really like sunshine.

bedouindude: My idea of doing research is to spread all my files on every available surface and live that way until the case is resolved. Or the situation, since I'm no longer an agent.

bedouindude: And if you mess with my stuff and I can't find it, I get very cranky.

bedouindude: And I hate the show, "Friends." Really, really hate it.

bedouindude: The theme song, pop references, everything about it.

bedouindude: But I sometimes watch "Beverly Hills 90210".

bedouindude: Just sometimes.

bedouindude: And to relax, I usually watch porn. Or Buffy. If I could find Buffy porn, my night would be made.

bedouindude: And I don't give a flying FUCK how many carbs, fat grams, or calories are in food. If it appeals to me, I eat it. Until it doesn't anymore. Even if that means eating a whole package of Oreos in one sitting. Or a bag of deli meat. Or a head of cabbage.

bedouindude: And I take long showers, until the hot water runs out.

bedouindude: (I'm exFOLiating, Alex.)

bedouindude: And the last time I put the toilet paper on the stick-thingy was...well, I don't think I ever have.

bedouindude: I think that's it. For now.

n2luuuuuuv: Well... What the hell's the problem, then?

n2luuuuuuv: I love cooking. And I won't burn the house down.

n2luuuuuuv: I clean okay, but I don't really care how clean it all is.

n2luuuuuuv: I sleep sometimes. I can keep you company.

n2luuuuuuv: I just have *your* birthday to remember, and I don't give a shit if you remember mine.

n2luuuuuuv: I can keep good track of time for you.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm obssessive, but I have the time thing, so I think we're okay.

n2luuuuuuv: I am perfectly capable of checking dates on beverages.

n2luuuuuuv: I'll remind you to eat.

n2luuuuuuv: I, uh...like personal care products.

n2luuuuuuv: Floor...wax...???

n2luuuuuuv: No sun here anyway.

n2luuuuuuv: Cover whatever surface you want with work. It's my work, too.

n2luuuuuuv: I can deal with you cranky, Mulder.

n2luuuuuuv: I hate Friends, too. They make fat jokes.

n2luuuuuuv: I'll go for my walk while you watch 90210.

n2luuuuuuv: I like porn, too, you know.

n2luuuuuuv: And I...LOVE...BUFFY.

n2luuuuuuv: Carbs? Cool. Calories? They're my friends. Who the hell is Atkins and why should my stomach listen to him? Oreos, meat, cabbage. Check, check, check.

n2luuuuuuv: I can wait for hot water.

n2luuuuuuv: I don't exfoliate to my knowledge.

n2luuuuuuv: And I'm obsessed with doing the toilet paper mySELF.

n2luuuuuuv: Does that about cover it, Mulder?

bedouindude: Alex......marry me.

n2luuuuuuv: All right.

bedouindude: Okay then.

bedouindude: So.

bedouindude: Are you going to hyphenate, or...

n2luuuuuuv: Problem is, your last name *is* your first name. Unless you let me start calling you Fox.

bedouindude: That is a problem.

n2luuuuuuv: Well, I'll keep my name. But then you'll *have* to get me a wedding band so people will know.

bedouindude: Seems fair. Platinum, then? It seems to be what all the boys are wearing...

n2luuuuuuv: I like platinum fine. All right.

bedouindude: I don't go in for ceremony.

bedouindude: And I'm absolutely going to forget our anniversary.

n2luuuuuuv: I'll remember. Is it today?

bedouindude: Oh. Well, I guess, depending on what we're celebrating, it's yesterday. And today would be the day of our engagement.

bedouindude: Shit, that means another ring.

n2luuuuuuv: We could do a handfasting instead.

n2luuuuuuv: Instead of having a big ceremony.

bedouindude: Kinda have to, probably. Being guys and all. Except in Hawaii.

n2luuuuuuv: And Denmark.

bedouindude: And Denmark.

bedouindude: So, which one, then?

n2luuuuuuv: Which one what?

bedouindude: Which one are we going to go to for the ceremony?

bedouindude: I'm not into sunshine, as I've made clear before, so I'm leaning towards Denmark.

n2luuuuuuv: I thought you didn't want a big ceremony.

bedouindude: I don't.

n2luuuuuuv: So a small one in Denmark?

bedouindude: Well, we gotta make it legal. After all, I'm an ex-officer of the law.

bedouindude: Don't wanna break any fornication rules.

n2luuuuuuv: Still have to worry about sodomy laws, you know.

bedouindude: Oh yes. I know.

n2luuuuuuv: Just so you know.

bedouindude: So, do you worry about those a lot?

n2luuuuuuv: I don't worry.

bedouindude: About anything?

n2luuuuuuv: Alien invasion, sure. Sex? Not really.

bedouindude: So...had any lately?

n2luuuuuuv: I was dead.

bedouindude: Well, yeah, I know, but before that?

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah, well, before that I was dealing with your supersolider problem, Mulder.

bedouindude: Oh you little fuck. Knock it off.

bedouindude: You know what I'm asking.

n2luuuuuuv: I haven't gotten any since before you were returned, all right?

bedouindude: Okay, so while I was getting tortured on the ship, you were gettin' it on, is that right?

n2luuuuuuv: I wouldn't call it 'gettin' it on', Mulder. I wasn't in a good mood. I wasn't happy. Does that make you feel better?

bedouindude: I didn't feel bad, Alex. I was just being a dickhead.

bedouindude: I use humor to deal with what happened to me. Black humor. I didn't really mean to target you with it.

n2luuuuuuv: I used a couple lonely fucks to deal with...everything. We all have our dysfunctions to deal with.

bedouindude: That's not a dysfunction. It's coping.

n2luuuuuuv: Felt pretty goddamned dysfunctional.

bedouindude: Sorry.

n2luuuuuuv: It's over.

bedouindude: Yep.

n2luuuuuuv: And here we are. And everything's different.

bedouindude: So, no more dysfunctional sex?

n2luuuuuuv: None planned. Certainly none happening. ;-)

bedouindude: Nobody there under your desk?

n2luuuuuuv: Sadly no. You?

bedouindude: Nope.

bedouindude: Maybe a scorpion...

bedouindude: Okay, now I have to lift my feet up into my chair.

n2luuuuuuv: Am I less of a man if I admit I lifted my feet up, too?

bedouindude: LOL!

bedouindude: No.

n2luuuuuuv: So...

n2luuuuuuv: When. For you?

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder?

bedouindude: Sorry. Doing the math. A little over a year ago.

n2luuuuuuv: And...you don't have to say...but...was it...?

bedouindude: Yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: So... Are you guys...?

bedouindude: NO.

n2luuuuuuv: No?

bedouindude: No.

n2luuuuuuv: Not at all? I mean, I know you're hiding. But if you weren't...

bedouindude: No.

n2luuuuuuv: So...what happened?

bedouindude: Oh. Well...

bedouindude: We had sex.

n2luuuuuuv: Once?

bedouindude: Once.

bedouindude: And then she got up before I was even awake and left without a word.

bedouindude: And then she acted like it never happened. So I did, too.

n2luuuuuuv: Did you want...more? I mean, do you still?

bedouindude: It was one of those things where you're like,"Hmm...I wonder if this is what this is supposed to be. I guess we may as well try it and see." And the result was kind of a big, "Nope!"

n2luuuuuuv: I guess I always thought that if you two ever... That that would be it.

bedouindude: Hmm.

n2luuuuuuv: I know you're the believer...and she's not...but I still thought...you'd make it work.

bedouindude: I guess I probably would have tried, if she would have wanted to.

bedouindude: There's love there, just not much...spark.

n2luuuuuuv: Spark. Yeah. That's...essential. I think.

bedouindude: Sometimes I think I could live without it, just to feel safe and finally feel loved, but I think we'd end up hating each other, because we're not what the other one really wants.

bedouindude: She wants stability, normality, predictability, conformity.

bedouindude: She really wants everything I'm SO not about.

bedouindude: Sure she loves me, and we work well together, but we want totally different things at the end of the workday. Hell, even during the workday, but that's tolerable, most of the time.

n2luuuuuuv: What do *you* want? At the end of a work day.

bedouindude: I don't really ever want any night to be the same as any other. I don't want to know what I'm going to be doing every night of the week. I want it all to remain completely open to possibilities, with the freedom to chase down any potential that seems interesting.

bedouindude: I don't want barbecues, block parties, and bridge night. ::shudders:: Put me back in the ground first.

bedouindude: I don't want dinner on the table at the same time every night. I want to eat what I wanna eat, when I wanna eat it, and probably mostly in front of the computer or TV.

bedouindude: Can you SEE how she'd be ready to put a bullet in my heart after a few weeks of trying to live with me?

bedouindude: That, or I'd put one in myself after trying to LIVE that way.

n2luuuuuuv: Yeah. I see. So... Are you worried you'll never be...intimate with someone again? I mean, if you live with me, you might not have the opportunity to meet many non-cyber women.

bedouindude: I don't exactly have a lot of opportunity out here.

bedouindude: And it's not like I had a rockin' sex life before that.

n2luuuuuuv: I guess you have your porn tapes. I have my own, but they might not do as much for you.

bedouindude: Why is that?

bedouindude: Are you there?

bedouindude: Alex...are you gay?

n2luuuuuuv: What if I am?

n2luuuuuuv: Sorry. Yes! I'm gay, all right? I didn't mean to fuck with you about it. Sorry.

bedouindude: I didn't know that.

n2luuuuuuv: I know. I'm sorry.

bedouindude: Sorry you're gay? Or sorry I didn't know about it?

n2luuuuuuv: Sorry I didn't tell you. You've been planning on possibly living here with me. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to call it all off now. Especially after all that marriage talk. I should have come out then. Are you...mad? I'm sorry, Mulder.

bedouindude: No, of course I'm not mad.

bedouindude: But it does change things.

n2luuuuuuv: I guess it does. Well. I can start looking at other arrangements. For you. If you even still want to come here at all.

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder?

n2luuuuuuv: I'm sorry.

n2luuuuuuv: I'll deal with whatever it is you're thinking or deciding, but I'd really like you to come back. Please?

bedouindude: I'm here.

bedouindude: No, don't make other arrangements.

n2luuuuuuv: Don't? You're sure about that?

bedouindude: Yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: I don't know if you really...get what this means. Mulder... I'm not just gay. I'm gay and I want you. A man can't *be* gay and not want you, Mulder. And I'm sorry. I don't want you not to live here, but if you live here, I think I have to have you.

bedouindude: *Have* me?

n2luuuuuuv: Are you pissed? I didn't mean I'd force myself. That's not what I want! I just want... I want... I'm going to want to touch you.

bedouindude: I kinda like touching you, too.

bedouindude: I won't lie. I've never had sex with a man.

n2luuuuuuv: What are you saying?

bedouindude: I guess...I'm saying...

bedouindude: I can see it.

n2luuuuuuv: See having...sex? With me?

bedouindude: Yeah.

bedouindude: So, what are you having for dinner tonight?

bedouindude: ;-)

bedouindude: Alex?

n2luuuuuuv: uh

bedouindude: Just checking.

n2luuuuuuv: k

n2luuuuuuv: pasta. maybe. you.

n2luuuuuuv: uh

bedouindude: Alex?

n2luuuuuuv: here

n2luuuuuuv: Did you mean...eating cock? Or ass. Not that it matters. Um, yes. Yes would be the answer to that.

n2luuuuuuv: Or OH GOD did you just mean something about dinner????

bedouindude: LMAO!

bedouindude: No, I meant do you like giving head.

n2luuuuuuv: Yes. I do.

bedouindude: Do you do it a lot?

n2luuuuuuv: No. Not in a...long time. And not often ever. Would you...let me?

bedouindude: Oh I think so, yes.

n2luuuuuuv: I want to.

bedouindude: What else do you want?

bedouindude: Not that I'm making any promises.

n2luuuuuuv: Sweaty fingertips... Um, I don't want to scare you. With what I want.

n2luuuuuuv: Not that it's...scary.

bedouindude: Hey, you can want whatever you like. Doesn't mean you're gonna get it. ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: Okay...

bedouindude: And I'm not scared of you, Alex.

n2luuuuuuv: All right...

n2luuuuuuv: I want to suck your cock.

n2luuuuuuv: I want to lick your balls.

bedouindude: Um...

n2luuuuuuv: I want your cock up my ass.

n2luuuuuuv: I want to tongue your asshole.

bedouindude: I'm jusgonna touch myself alittle here

n2luuuuuuv: I want to rub off against your leg like a dog.

bedouindude: ohfuck...

n2luuuuuuv: I want to take your cock in my hand, hands, and jack you until you come seeing stars.

n2luuuuuuv: I want to lick it up off your belly.

n2luuuuuuv: I want you to jack off on me.

bedouindude: ofuck

n2luuuuuuv: I want to slip my cock into your mouth and feel your lips around me.

n2luuuuuuv: I want to 69.

bedouindude: couldyou jsuttalka littleabout that

n2luuuuuuv: I want to push a finger up inside your perfect, skinny butt... Oh yeah? You mean the 69? Really?

bedouindude: yeah

n2luuuuuuv: Well, I want you on your side. Naked. Cock hard.

n2luuuuuuv: I want to scoot in, easy...your hip under my hand. I feel your breath on me, but you wait for me to do it first. I latch onto your waiting cock, slow and soft and wet, and draw it into my mouth.

n2luuuuuuv: I hear you grunt, and you grab me by the ass and pull me in hard, burying your face in my crotch.

n2luuuuuuv: You roll us, so I'm half under you.

bedouindude: sgood

n2luuuuuuv: And when your mouth wraps around my cock, you groan, and you sink your own dick farther into my mouth.

bedouindude: oyeah

n2luuuuuuv: Then you start to fuck. Real slow. You suck me soft...eyes closed...and you thrust into my sucking mouth.

bedouindude: fuck

bedouindude: ooooooooooooh

bedouindude: Oh fuck, Alex.

n2luuuuuuv: sec

bedouindude: I am SO gonna fuck you.

n2luuuuuuv: ff

n2luuuuuuv: unnnnnnnnnnn

n2luuuuuuv: catching breath here...

bedouindude: I am so gonna sink my fingers into the perfect round ass and jerk you in...

bedouindude: Fuck the living shit outta you.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm gonna call the Smiths. brb!

bedouindude: k

n2luuuuuuv: I'm, uh, back now.

bedouindude: Hi.

bedouindude: So, how's that research coming along?

n2luuuuuuv: Faster now.

bedouindude: LOL...yeah, I'll bet.

bedouindude: So.

n2luuuuuuv: :-P

bedouindude: Damn.

bedouindude: Wow.

bedouindude: I wasn't really expecting that.

n2luuuuuuv: I was expecting it to be that good...but never to actually happen.

bedouindude: I...wasn't expecting it.

n2luuuuuuv: So you, uh...

bedouindude: Yeah, I think I'm really okay with having sex with you.

bedouindude: Yes.

n2luuuuuuv: Me, too. Really okay.

n2luuuuuuv: So, is there anything on my list yet that is a problem?

bedouindude: Oh.

bedouindude: Um, don't really think so, but let me go check.

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder?

n2luuuuuuv: That's an awful lot of checking...

bedouindude: Nope, no problems here.

n2luuuuuuv: Even the...finger(s)?

bedouindude: (s)?

bedouindude: There was no mention of (s).

n2luuuuuuv: You cut me off. ;-)

bedouindude: Well, I mean, I haven't really ever...except my own finger...never more than one, though...

n2luuuuuuv: I actually...really like the idea of...just one. I'd really like that.

bedouindude: I think I could handle that, yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: And the rimming?

bedouindude: Um yeah.

bedouindude: Not a problem.

n2luuuuuuv: Can I...suck your toes?

bedouindude: Okay.

bedouindude: Um, about the sucking *you* part, though...

bedouindude: I've never EVEN done anything like that.

bedouindude: I'm not saying I won't, just that I never really considered it before.

bedouindude: How uh...big are you?

n2luuuuuuv: Not long, but...thick.

bedouindude: Oh.

n2luuuuuuv: If you wanna try it, but you're scared of it, it doesn't have to go very far in. At all! Hell, just look at it and tell it you're gonna suck it and I could probably come, Mulder. :-[

bedouindude: I'll suck it.

bedouindude: I'll probably suck at sucking it, but I'll give a shot.

bedouindude: I'm not scared, exactly.

bedouindude: I have a pretty big mouth...

bedouindude: But that whole covering your teeth part...if you're thick...not sure how good I'll do at that.

n2luuuuuuv: I think I'll like a little teeth with you.

bedouindude: Well, okay then.

n2luuuuuuv: Um, I have more on my list.

bedouindude: Oh. Okay.

n2luuuuuuv: Will you tie me up?

bedouindude: Um, yeah, I can get into that.

n2luuuuuuv: Play non-con?

bedouindude: Uh, yeah, that too.

n2luuuuuuv: Humiliation? Not real bad, just... Call me names? Whip me in the face with your dick?

bedouindude: Ohjesus

n2luuuuuuv: Good?

bedouindude: damn.

bedouindude: Alex...where have you been all my life?

n2luuuuuuv: That's too sad to talk about don't you think?

bedouindude: Yeah, forget I said that. We're both newly alive. We've just met, really.

n2luuuuuuv: :-)

n2luuuuuuv: List. More?

bedouindude: Ohgod...

bedouindude: yeah...

n2luuuuuuv: I know we 'just met' and this is really new to you...the man thing. But...well... Would you ever consider taking a piss on me, Mulder?

bedouindude: Omigod

bedouindude: that's really...

bedouindude: uh yeah, I think I could do that

bedouindude: for you

n2luuuuuuv: Can you? When you're hard?

bedouindude: shit

bedouindude: um, I...don't know??

bedouindude: I'm willing to give it a serious try, though.

n2luuuuuuv: Maybe if I put it in my mouth? If you concentrate?

bedouindude: omyGOD

bedouindude: you're kinda...

n2luuuuuuv: I've never done it either, you know.

n2luuuuuuv: But it's all I could think about in Hong Kong.

bedouindude: Oh.

bedouindude: Well, I think...

n2luuuuuuv: You so don't have to. Hell, *I* might chicken out!

bedouindude: No you won't.

n2luuuuuuv: You gonna make me, Mulder?

n2luuuuuuv: I think I just drooled on my keyboard.

bedouindude: Yeah, I about shorted mine out earlier.

n2luuuuuuv: With what? ;-)

bedouindude: What the fuck do you think?

n2luuuuuuv: Better clean that shit up, this is the only way I can talk to you right now.

bedouindude: I did, while you were calling the Smiths.

bedouindude: It's hard, though. Typing with one hand and keeping it aimed away from the keyboard with the other...

bedouindude: I think I got some in my hair.

n2luuuuuuv: unnnnnnnnnnFUCK

n2luuuuuuv: Smiths are working round the clock. They think they'll have something by morning even. You ready to pack?

bedouindude: ;-) I can be, yeah.

bedouindude: I've been living pretty simply out here.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm going to send a private jet for you unless you'd like to travel differently.

bedouindude: Seriously?

n2luuuuuuv: Yes.

n2luuuuuuv: It's worth the expense to know *I'm* the one keeping you safe.

bedouindude: Boy, you don't fuck around when you want something, do you?

n2luuuuuuv: No.

n2luuuuuuv: Don't expect my house to be a mansion, though. It's very low-key. Out of the way. Small and cozy.

bedouindude: Oh you know, that's *just* what I had on my mind, Alex. Your *house*.

n2luuuuuuv: LOL! Uh, sorry.

bedouindude: I'll need a ride into town. The nearest airport is hundreds of miles away.

n2luuuuuuv: Done.

bedouindude: I mean, I have a car, but to haul my stuff...

n2luuuuuuv: A truck then...trailer? Okay.

bedouindude: A small one should be fine. Not like I wanna take ANY of this furniture with me. :-\

n2luuuuuuv: Then don't. I've got furniture and you can get more once you're here. Stuff you'll like.

bedouindude: Gonna be my sugah daddy?

n2luuuuuuv: I don't... It isn't like that. I don't think. I just assumed...we'd work together.

bedouindude: And fuck.

bedouindude: And live together.

n2luuuuuuv: And sleep together?

bedouindude: When I sleep, yeah. ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: I'll sleep when you sleep.

bedouindude: So it *is* gonna be 'like that' then.

n2luuuuuuv: Well... You don't want a job at the Deli Mart in town or anything do you? And you're pretty low in funds? I don't want you feeling...emasculated or something. I just wanna help you. I've never, ever helped you, Mulder. I owe you so much. And I'd like to.

bedouindude: Emasculated??

bedouindude: Like my masculinity is tied up in whether I pay the bills or not?

bedouindude: Hell, Alex, if you wanna keep me in the style to which I'd like become accustomed, you go for it.

bedouindude: I'll even put out.

n2luuuuuuv: LOL!!!

n2luuuuuuv: All right!

bedouindude: I mean, you're not gonna want to see other people, are you?

n2luuuuuuv: What?? No!

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder. Let's get something straight. (Laugh later.) Those lonely fucks? While you were gone? I was in fucking *mourning* for you. It's always been you. It will probably always be you. If I have you...that's it. I'm out of the game.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm yours.

bedouindude: Oh.

bedouindude: Alex...when I said that up there...about marrying you...

bedouindude: I do want to do this. Don't get me wrong.

bedouindude: But I can't promise forever or anything like that.

n2luuuuuuv: I understand.

bedouindude: I'm not sure I even believe in forever.

n2luuuuuuv: I know. It doesn't seem like you.

bedouindude: I would have said it didn't seem like you, either.

bedouindude: Constantly changing sides, shifting personality, unpredictable behavior, uncertain alliances...

n2luuuuuuv: I'm new.

bedouindude: I guess that's part of it, really. This is all new for you, being newly reborn and all, choosing to live your life differently. What you think you want now might change after a while.

n2luuuuuuv: I don't want you patronizing me, Mulder. If that's what you're doing. If it's not and that's you protecting yourself or something... I'm not promising forever either. But I'm open to the possibility, and maybe even the probability of it. Are you?

bedouindude: I'm not patronizing you. I suppose I am protecting myself. And if you do change your mind, that's okay, you know, because it's not like I'm *asking* for forever.

bedouindude: Open to it? Wow.

n2luuuuuuv: Doesn't seem like you not to be.

bedouindude: Are you goading me, Alex? ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: Maybe. Maybe I just know I'm falling for you, and even if I don't expect or want a marriage proposal (again)...maybe I *do* want you not to cut it off at the knees before it learns to walk.

bedouindude: Oh.

bedouindude: Well...

bedouindude: I suppose I've always been open to the idea of marriage. A family. Sorta. Not in any kind of, "Oh I really wanna find me a wife," way, but more like I assumed I'd probably end up that way someday...

bedouindude: Can't say you were ever in that picture, of course. ;-)

bedouindude: But, goading or not, you're right. I've never been one to dismiss something just because it's radical and unexpected.

bedouindude: I kinda like it that way.

bedouindude: So yeah, I'm open to it.

n2luuuuuuv: I feel like I forced you to say that. I'm sorry. I've only too recently been your worst enemy. And we haven't fucked yet, haven't made breakfast, haven't fought about anything (and I'm sure we will), haven't kissed for fuck's sake. And I'm asking you to think about forever. I'm sorry. It's unfair.

bedouindude: Actually, I don't think so. You asked if I could be open to the possibility of being with you for the rest of my life. Being open to the possibility is different than knowing it's gonna work out. And if I were you, wanting a so-called "straight" guy, I'd sure as hell wanna know that, too, going in.

n2luuuuuuv: So you never...wanted one before?

bedouindude: One? LOL!

n2luuuuuuv: A man. ;-) Or a cock, I guess. You could just want the equipment without the hassle, LOL!

bedouindude: LOL! I've got the equipment.

bedouindude: No, can't say that I've really ever wanted another set of it.

bedouindude: Not that I haven't been curious.

bedouindude: I mean I am, after all, me.

bedouindude: ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: LOL!

n2luuuuuuv: So...you're not *too* freaked out? I mean, I'm not just a man. I'm Krycek. This is Krycek, you remember that, right?

bedouindude: Yes. I do. Actually, there have been a couple of times I considered things more seriously than usual.

bedouindude: In other words, I've thought about fucking you.  Krycek.

bedouindude: About sticking my cock in your mouth and making you gag on it.

n2luuuuuuv: You mean...before I died and came back? Before today?

bedouindude: Yes. Not in a gay way, but more in that kind of, "I just wanna bend him over and...!" kind of way.

bedouindude: Or that,"God, I should just RAM my dick into that conniving little mouth," sorta way.

bedouindude: Or that feeling of,"Oh right, 'Don't touch me again.' I'm so sure."

n2luuuuuuv: O:-)

n2luuuuuuv: So now you want to do those things...but in a gayer way.

bedouindude: I guess, yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: I'd like that. A lot. I would have liked it non-gay, too, though. But it would have hurt. To have you like that, so hot, so brutal, and know what I didn't have, and what you didn't have from me.

bedouindude: I came close.

bedouindude: In Hong Kong.

bedouindude: It became real in my head for a minute. I could see and *feel* myself really doing it.

bedouindude: Scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to become a rapist. So I sent you into the bathroom. Alone.

n2luuuuuuv: I guess, if you believe in fate, that it was supposed to happen this way.

bedouindude: I do believe in fate.

n2luuuuuuv: Do you believe in love? I mean, that a man like me could feel love...for you?

bedouindude: Sure, I guess.

bedouindude: I don't mean to sound flippant.

bedouindude: That's not what I mean by that.

bedouindude: I just mean, who am I to tell you who you love? Even though I don't understand it, and have never, ever felt very lovable, I'm sure not going to tell you I don't believe you.

bedouindude: I believe in love, too.

bedouindude: I'm not sure what it is.

bedouindude: I think it's different for different people.

n2luuuuuuv: I love you.

n2luuuuuuv: I don't care what you think it is for you or anyone or if you can ever love me. I love you, Mulder.

bedouindude: I'm here...I just...

bedouindude: Wow.

bedouindude: I mean, I kind of thought maybe...but I guess I didn't expect you to say it...

bedouindude: And that's WAY different.

n2luuuuuuv: I know.

bedouindude: I guess...what I feel I want to say to that is...I'm certainly not going to tell you that I couldn't love you.

n2luuuuuuv: You don't have to say anything. I just want you here.

bedouindude: I want to be there.

n2luuuuuuv: Phone... brb

bedouindude: k

n2luuuuuuv: They're getting close. It won't be long.

bedouindude: Okay.

n2luuuuuuv: I understand if you're scared. I'm scared. You can tell me what scares you...if you want. You don't have to trust me with that, though. If it's too much.

bedouindude: I trust you with it.

bedouindude: I just have to discern it for myself, first.

bedouindude: It's not the sex.

bedouindude: ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: :-) Good. :-)

bedouindude: It's not really the idea of living in a gay relationship and having others deal with that...

bedouindude: I don't think that could really shock them, after what I've put them through.

bedouindude: That it's you...they'll be thrown by that one, for sure, but that's not really a problem for me, either.

n2luuuuuuv: It's not??

bedouindude: No.

bedouindude: I don't live my life according to other people's expectations. Ever. Never have.

bedouindude: They don't have to like it or understand it.

bedouindude: And if they reject me for it, well...fuck 'em.

n2luuuuuuv: I guess you've lived with that possibility...that reality... in all things for a long time.

bedouindude: Oh yeah. I've *been* rejected. Over and over and over. And it's never once stopped me. Or even slowed me down.

bedouindude: This is me, take it or leave it.

bedouindude: Most leave it.

n2luuuuuuv: I want to take it.

bedouindude: ;-) Yeah, I get that.

bedouindude: I guess what it really is, what I'm really most afraid of, is disappointing *you*.

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder...

bedouindude: Shut up a minute.

bedouindude: Fuck, this is hard, even with you shutting up.

bedouindude: Okay, I guess...it's like this.

bedouindude: I can tell how much you want this.

bedouindude: How much you're willing to do, to give, in order to make it happen.

bedouindude: I don't want to see you giving everything, trying to make this work, and then not be able to do my part. And become some sort of abuser, purely by virtue of you *letting* me hurt you.

bedouindude: I mean, it's not out of the realm of possibility. It's kind of standard, looking at our history.

bedouindude: I don't want to hurt you. But it might be all I know how to do. :-( Even when I'm really trying.

n2luuuuuuv: I've never been *good* for you before. Good *to* you.

bedouindude: That's not the point. What you did was wrong, yes. But it doesn't make what I did any less wrong.

n2luuuuuuv: But what I did hurt you... If that hurt's not there, do you still want to hurt *me*? I'll understand if the answer's yes. Even though you don't want me to be understanding...

bedouindude: I just *told* you I *don't* want to hurt you, dammit!

bedouindude: See??

bedouindude: You can make someone an abuser by being a victim, Alex.

n2luuuuuuv: You won't hurt me if you're not hurt. You're afraid of this side of you that *I* brought out. Only I'm not that person anymore doing those things. I'm not perfect. I can't promise you won't want to hit me, or even that you won't do it. But I know you. I know you now. And if you don't want to hurt me, you won't.

bedouindude: Sure I will. Or can. What if I never love you, Alex? What if you give yourself to me body, heart, and soul, and I just can't do the same back?

bedouindude: What if you love me, want to be with me, because you know you deserve punishment, or because you're sure I *can't* love you, and you think that's what you deserve!

bedouindude: I don't want to be your tool for self-flagellation. (Yes, I know that's ripe for dirty jokes, but let's try to stay focused, here.)

n2luuuuuuv: I want you to love me, Mulder. And God I hope you will. I have to try. I want you here so we can try. It's worth it. Even if it doesn't work.

bedouindude: I want to try, too.

bedouindude: Do, or do not, there is no try.  ;-)

bedouindude: So I guess I wanna do it.

bedouindude: I didn't mean to make you think I didn't.

bedouindude: I was just telling you what I'm afraid of.

bedouindude: Because I was pretty sure you'd think it was that other shit, and hell, I wasn't even sure myself.

n2luuuuuuv: I'm glad you told me. Now I want you kissing me.

bedouindude: I'm a great kisser. Or at least *I* think I am.

bedouindude: ;-)

bedouindude: I'd wanna be kissed by me, anyway.

n2luuuuuuv: LMAO!

n2luuuuuuv: I *know* I wanna be kissed by you, Mulder. I've known that for a long, long time.

bedouindude: Did you just chicken out that night in my apartment?

bedouindude: Did you ever think of planting that on my lips? I mean, really think about it, like plan on maybe doing it, if things turned out right?

bedouindude: I'm just curious.

n2luuuuuuv: Thought about it... Decided you'd shoot me. 8-)

bedouindude: LOL...I wouldn't have.

bedouindude: Too shocked.

bedouindude: As it was, I didn't get off the floor for 40 minutes.

n2luuuuuuv: Is that a compliment? Well, damn. I really should have. But then you might not have gone to Weikamp at all.

bedouindude: Heh.

bedouindude: Would you have been able to stop with just a kiss?

bedouindude: I mean, once you had my mouth under yours...and I wasn't shooting you?

n2luuuuuuv: ohnofuckinway

bedouindude: So.

bedouindude: What would you have done, Alex?

bedouindude: How far would you have gone, if I'd just let the gun fall to the floor?

n2luuuuuuv: Don't ask me that.

bedouindude: Already did.

n2luuuuuuv: Mulder...

bedouindude: So the gun clatters to the floor, your tongue pushes between my lips...

n2luuuuuuv: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

bedouindude: You're bigger than me. Stronger...so I really can't fight you much...plus I'm on the floor under you, already...

n2luuuuuuv: I rip that fucking jacket off while I tongue-fuck your mouth.

n2luuuuuuv: Is that what you want?

bedouindude: You don't like my jacket?

n2luuuuuuv: Hate it. Hate your pants. Rip them open and fish out your cock...palm it...stroke it...

n2luuuuuuv: How far do you want me to go with this?

bedouindude: I'll let you know.

bedouindude: Want me to put up a struggle?

n2luuuuuuv: Only a little. 'Cause you're panting while I jack you.

n2luuuuuuv: So I tangle your arms up in your shirt. Which I rip open. 'Cause you keep trying to push me away with these I-can't-quite-do-it hands at my chest and shoulders.

bedouindude: I'm making a very serious effort here to escape, Alex.

bedouindude: It's not my fault you're so much stronger.

n2luuuuuuv: So I flip you over and get in close behind you. You can feel my erection. Does it scare you back there?

bedouindude: Yeah.

n2luuuuuuv: Too much?

bedouindude: What would stop you at that point?

n2luuuuuuv: If I felt you *really* struggling. If I heard real panic in your voice when you told me to stop.

bedouindude: So me just going still and swallowing hard wouldn't really do it.

n2luuuuuuv: Nope.

n2luuuuuuv: So anyway, I work those slacks down, pressing you into the floor to hold you still.

bedouindude: I struggle.

n2luuuuuuv: How much?

bedouindude: I hold my legs together as tightly as I can and brace myself against the floor for stability.

n2luuuuuuv: I bare your smooth, beautiful ass. I run my hand over it...slowly.

bedouindude: I thrash around. Maybe call you a few names.

n2luuuuuuv: What names do you call me, Mulder? While I stare at your wiggling ass and start to smile.

bedouindude: Sonofabitching, motherfucking, cocksucker...

n2luuuuuuv: I pinch your butt. More because I think it'll piss you off and turn you on rather than to actually hurt you. "That's not very nice," I say, and then smooth over your blushing cheeks with my hand again, holding you down with my knee in your back.

bedouindude: I reach back and slap your hand away. Very violently.

bedouindude: More names.

n2luuuuuuv: You gonna tell me what ones? (as I stroke down your inner thighs now and back up, just almost grazing your hanging balls...)

bedouindude: Same ones...different arrangement...can't really be creative right now...clamping my legs together tightly, struggling against the floor.

n2luuuuuuv: I sink down, mouthing at the firm little swells of your ass. "You have a filthy mouth, Mulder," I tell you, right before I bury my face in your asscrack and start to rim you.

bedouindude: The pure shock of it causes me to involuntarily spread my legs and push my hips up, before I begin thrashing again, pushing my chest up off the floor, growling.

n2luuuuuuv: I knee you down, mouth still tightly latched onto your hot pucker. I flit my tongue against it and your legs relax again. I take the opportunity to reach through and find your hard dick, closing my fist around it and starting to milk.

bedouindude: I cry out with the total indignation of that and try to roll to the side, inadvertently pushing my ass into your face as I try to dislodge your hand from around my cock.

bedouindude: By bucking my hips frantically.

n2luuuuuuv: I grunt and eat you harder. You can't get my hand off your prick. I pull harder, work faster. We're working together now, though I'm pretty sure you'd like me to believe you're still trying to get away.

bedouindude: Oh I *am* trying to get away. Very hard. You're just a lot more powerful than I am. Physically.

n2luuuuuuv: So I shove my tongue inside. You go real still. Your breath stops. I chuckle with my tongue inside you, and you cry out, then bite your lip. I start to tongue-fuck your ass.

bedouindude: Even your tongue is strong, which is why I can't get away from it, so I just focus my efforts on pushing my chest away from the floor, spreading my knees wider for balance so I can attempt to get up.

bedouindude: And continuing to buck my hips.

n2luuuuuuv: I slurp at your delicious fucking ass. You're like hot butter and cream.

bedouindude: I uh...continue to struggle.

n2luuuuuuv: loveit your pucker opening on my tongue...

bedouindude: Still...struggling...

bedouindude: Getting tired, though...

n2luuuuuuv: I thumb under your cockhead. It's moist and hot and so, so soft. I feel the pre-cum leaking out. I lap over your hole like a dog. wantthis wantyou lose it for me, Mulder

bedouindude: fuck...you...Kryyyychhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaahhhh!

n2luuuuuuv: yeah ohmulderyeah...moan into your ass while you cuuuuuuuuuuuummmmm

bedouindude: ohfuckohfuckohfuckkkkkkkkkkk

bedouindude: I decide the best plan is to just lie there in my puddle of cum with your tongue in my ass and recoup my strength, waiting for just the right window to make my next escape attempt.

n2luuuuuuv: LOL! :-) Do you see why I love you?

bedouindude: Maybe a little. ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: :-) Good.

bedouindude: I think I might be okay at this gay sex thing.  ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: I'm getting that feeling myself. Although, so you know there's no pressure to 'perform', if you stood in my living room, naked, with your dick soft, and recited limericks, I could make it happen. ;-)

bedouindude: Oh yeah? Tell me that one.

bedouindude: ;-)

n2luuuuuuv: Oh no you don't. LOL!

n2luuuuuuv: One word: Nantucket.

bedouindude: LOL...that's all it would take, huh?

n2luuuuuuv: Pretty much. At least at first. Until you got used to the idea of me sucking your cock.

bedouindude: I'm pretty sure I'd lose the capacity to recite limericks at that point.

n2luuuuuuv: > snort!<

n2luuuuuuv: oh wow...

bedouindude: What?

n2luuuuuuv: I, uh, haven't come twice in one day in...a long time.

bedouindude: Yeah, what a mess.

n2luuuuuuv: This is the...first time. Since I've been... I mean, that it's, you know, spurted.

bedouindude: Since you've been what?

n2luuuuuuv: Alive again. I haven't been able to. It gets hard okay. But I haven't come. Until today.

bedouindude: Oh. Of course. It took me months. I still have problems sometimes.

n2luuuuuuv: Really? You do?

bedouindude: Well, yeah, I did...

bedouindude: I didn't even *try* for a couple of months after I got out of the hospital...

bedouindude: Had no interest.

bedouindude: Then when I did try, I'd just...try and try and try, and end up frustrated more than half the time.