Happy Ostara
by Satina and Shannon
Date First Posted: 3/27/05Rating: R * Pairing: M/K
Archive Permissions: Freely given, but please use HTML format to preserve the IM quality.
Disclaimers: Mulder and Krycek are not my characters. They belong to Fox and Chris Carter.
Warnings: None, really.
Summary:
This takes place during the partnership between Agent Krycek and Agent Mulder. It's Easter, and Agent Krycek IMs his new partner to find out what he's up to for the holidays.
Feedback Welcomed HERE.
Return to The M/K Shrine
vBallWarrior91: Hey Mulder. Got your chocolate bunny fix yet?
skyWatcher1013: Heh. Hershey bar from the gas station.vBallWarrior91: That's it??
skyWatcher1013: Yep.
vBallWarrior91: Do you mind me IMing like this on a holiday?
skyWatcher1013: Why would I?
vBallWarrior91: I guess I was under the impression you gave me this sn in case of emergency. Being out of chocolate bunnies may be one to me, but it's hardly an issue of national security.
skyWatcher1013: This is just the sn I'm most likely to be on, so I figured I should give it to you in case we did need to talk. Doesn't have to be an emergency.
vBallWarrior91: Well, this isn't work related. To my knowledge. Unless the shortage of big bunnies at Rite Aid is some kind of an X-File.
skyWatcher1013: You jonesin', Krycek?
vBallWarrior91: Maybe.
vBallWarrior91: You really just had the one bar? No rabbit? No peeps?
skyWatcher1013: Peeps??
vBallWarrior91: You're kidding, right? You know peeps.
skyWatcher1013: I do not know peeps, I can assure you.
vBallWarrior91: Peeps. Are the sugar/food coloring-dyed marshmallow characters you buy at Easter. Which is today, Mulder.
vBallWarrior91: They make chicks, bunnies, and probably zebras now, too.
vBallWarrior91: Peeps.
vBallWarrior91: ???
skyWatcher1013: Wait...those puffy pink things?
vBallWarrior91: Yes!
skyWatcher1013: I HATE those.
vBallWarrior91: And blue and yellow.
vBallWarrior91: What??
vBallWarrior91: Maybe you're thinking of snow balls?
skyWatcher1013: Hate those too.
vBallWarrior91: Peeps. They're essential.
skyWatcher1013: To what, Krycek??
vBallWarrior91: Easter! I have some in the microwave right now!
skyWatcher1013: Microwave???
vBallWarrior91: Of course. That's how they're best.
vBallWarrior91: They blow up and get hot and then you eat 'em.
skyWatcher1013: Sounds gruesome.
vBallWarrior91: A little. Easter is a gruesome holiday.
skyWatcher1013: LOL...how so?
vBallWarrior91: All that...bloody death, I guess. I prefer focusing on the chocolate...the bunnies...colored eggs...
skyWatcher1013: It's not about death, you know. It's about rebirth.
skyWatcher1013: It comes from the pagan lesser sabbat Ostara.
skyWatcher1013: The Christians placed their date of observance on the ancient pagan date in order to appease and convert the pagans.
vBallWarrior91: Where did the chocolate bunnies come from, Mulder?
skyWatcher1013: bunnies = fertility
vBallWarrior91: chocolate = mmmmmmmm
skyWatcher1013: LOL!
vBallWarrior91: So the eggs are what? Birth?
skyWatcher1013: Yes, exactly. New beginnings, hidden potential...
vBallWarrior91: Do you celebrate it, Mulder?
vBallWarrior91: I mean, I know you're open-minded...open to a lot of things, but does that mean you don't ascribe to anything in order to stay open to it all?
skyWatcher1013: Hmmm...no, it means I'll try anything once, I guess.
vBallWarrior91: Try anything once, huh?
vBallWarrior91: I guess that was verified when I saw you eat that chili, mushroom, mustard and mayo cheese dog on stake-out a week ago.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, that was one of those that could have gone either way.
vBallWarrior91: And? Which way did you swing?
vBallWarrior91: You ate the whole thing...
skyWatcher1013: I like to be thorough.
vBallWarrior91: LOL!
skyWatcher1013: I think I'd leave off the mayo. Too wet that way.
vBallWarrior91: But the mushrooms can stay?
skyWatcher1013: Oh yeah. Marinated ones, anyway.
vBallWarrior91: So you've tried Easter and Ostara both then. Have you picked one?
skyWatcher1013: I like to switch it up.
vBallWarrior91: Oh yeah?
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, why limit yourself?
vBallWarrior91: I say that about chocolate.
skyWatcher1013: LOL...yeah, I've noticed.
vBallWarrior91: You have?
skyWatcher1013: Um yes. You left smudges on my seat last week.
vBallWarrior91: You had no napkins in your glove box. I was desperate.
skyWatcher1013: Uh huh. Remember that when you get my cleaning bill.
skyWatcher1013: And what's with the neverending kisses?
vBallWarrior91: Excuse me?
skyWatcher1013: I see you. Sneaking them all the time. Slipping your hand into your drawer all day long.
vBallWarrior91: They're small. I didn't think you noticed.
skyWatcher1013: I notice everything.
vBallWarrior91: I see.
vBallWarrior91: So which one are you celebrating today? Since you switch it up.
skyWatcher1013: Did you know that on the day of the Vernal or Autumnal Equinox, just a few moments before the exact moment of the equinox, you can go outside with a raw egg...
vBallWarrior91: And balance it!
skyWatcher1013: Yes!
vBallWarrior91: You're surprised that I knew that.
skyWatcher1013: Well...yeah, I am...
skyWatcher1013: Most people don't know that stuff.
skyWatcher1013: It's about the balance between push and pull being exactly equal on the equinoxes. The perfect balance between light and dark.
vBallWarrior91: Light and dark? Skywalker Egg versus Darth Vadar Egg?
skyWatcher1013: LOL!
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, kinda.
skyWatcher1013: The earth's gravitational pull is in perfect balance at that point, for just a few moments.
skyWatcher1013: And where it goes after that is up to us. Whether to the light or to the dark.
skyWatcher1013: In celebrating Easter, or Ostara, we choose the light.
vBallWarrior91: I had a friend in college. Used to balance the egg out on the sidewalk every year. Made us all come down to watch. That's how I knew.
skyWatcher1013: Cool. I've never actually done it.
vBallWarrior91: Really? Even though you knew you could?
skyWatcher1013: Yeah.
vBallWarrior91: Why? Like you said, most people don't know they can. So they don't. What, you just don't ever have eggs in your fridge?
skyWatcher1013: Well, not fresh ones, actually.
vBallWarrior91: Are you...joking?
skyWatcher1013: Not really.
vBallWarrior91: Don't they smell, Mulder?
skyWatcher1013: Yes. Yes they do.
vBallWarrior91: Are they bad for balancing if they've gone bad for eating?
skyWatcher1013: Yes.
skyWatcher1013: You can tell if an egg's gone bad by spinning it.
skyWatcher1013: If you can't smell it yet, that is.
vBallWarrior91: What does spinning it do??
skyWatcher1013: A fresh egg will wobble, thrown off by the liquidity. A bad egg will spin evenly. Because it's denser.
vBallWarrior91: How the hell did you learn *that*? Science class?
skyWatcher1013: Read it somewhere.
vBallWarrior91: You read a lot.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah.
vBallWarrior91: Well, what are you doing on the Autumnal equinox? Can you spare some time to go out and balance an egg if I bring a fresh one over?
skyWatcher1013: It's a date. ;-)vBallWarrior91: A bad one?
skyWatcher1013: I'll let you know.
vBallWarrior91: Fair enough...
vBallWarrior91: So. What are you doing today? Egg coloring or...pagan stuff?
skyWatcher1013: What, like dancing naked around a bonfire? Nope, just hanging out online, surfing some sites.
vBallWarrior91: Mulder... Are you working? On Easter Sunday?
skyWatcher1013: Just doing what I always do.
vBallWarrior91: In my limited experience, you always work.
skyWatcher1013: What's work?
skyWatcher1013: In your limited experience.
vBallWarrior91: Well, reading files, studying cases...phenomenae... Not that those things can't be...satisfying, but... Do you ever go...play?
skyWatcher1013: Play?
vBallWarrior91: Mulder, when you were a kid, was your mother always bugging you to go play outside?
skyWatcher1013: No.
vBallWarrior91: Did you play outside?
skyWatcher1013: Not a lot.
vBallWarrior91: Do you like to now? I mean... What *do* you do? For fun.
skyWatcher1013: Well...this.
vBallWarrior91: So, what are you doing? :-) Which sites?
skyWatcher1013: Different ones.
vBallWarrior91: Wow, that's really great. ;-)
vBallWarrior91: Do you not want to tell me because it's, like, porn or something?
skyWatcher1013: No.
vBallWarrior91: So it might be porn but that's not why you don't want to tell me?
skyWatcher1013: It's not porn!
vBallWarrior91: Well, what then? Sites with vids of people balancing their eggs? If so, can I have a link? Might see Vicki there doin' her thing...
skyWatcher1013: No, not those either.
skyWatcher1013: They're UFO sites. And conspiracy sites. Earth changes, First Contact, that kind of thing.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just call me Spooky and be done with it.
vBallWarrior91: Is that what you think of me still?
skyWatcher1013: How would I know?
skyWatcher1013: Most people don't do it to my face.
vBallWarrior91: I like UFOs. I'm on an earth changes LIST, for God's sake. Do you want to go see my profile? Would that help you get that I'm not LIKE the others?
skyWatcher1013: What does vBallWarrior91 mean?
vBallWarrior91: :-)
vBallWarrior91: It means in college my beach volleyball team went to nationals and won.
skyWatcher1013: Really.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah.
skyWatcher1013: So I guess that screen name must really go over with the chicks.
vBallWarrior91: Guess so.
skyWatcher1013: What do you mean, guess so?
skyWatcher1013: Hell, I get hit on with THIS one!
vBallWarrior91: Everybody's got a turn on. Just gotta push the right button.
skyWatcher1013: You're evading.
vBallWarrior91: No, I'm not. You sent two things, Mulder.
vBallWarrior91: If I go to a V-Ball chat room to talk to people who play or played or whatever, there are invariably...fans.
skyWatcher1013: There are V-Ball chat rooms???
vBallWarrior91: Mulder. There's a chat room for everything. I saw one once for people who owned grazing goats. They have a list, too. Practical_Goats, I think.
skyWatcher1013: I saw that.
vBallWarrior91: Anyway, yeah. Beach volleyball's pretty popular, especially on the west coast where I'm from.
skyWatcher1013: Oh yeah? Where on the west coast?
vBallWarrior91: San Diego. :-)
skyWatcher1013: Ah. Scully lived there awhile.
vBallWarrior91: Huh.
vBallWarrior91: So, you been?
skyWatcher1013: No, been to LA.
vBallWarrior91: Totally different. Yuck.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, not my favorite either.
vBallWarrior91: And of course, that's where nationals were held. Even the sand is yucky. SD is beige kind of and soft. LA is more yellow and really course. Like tiny rocks. I got beat up pretty bad last game.
skyWatcher1013: Lotta time with your face in the sand?
vBallWarrior91: Had to make a lot of saves. So yeah.
skyWatcher1013: On your knees a lot. Must be hard on 'em.
vBallWarrior91: Totally ripped them up, yeah. But I love it. So it's cool.
vBallWarrior91: Worth the pain.
skyWatcher1013: I've never played.
vBallWarrior91: You're total east coast, right? Never played? Not even down in Virginia Beach or something?
skyWatcher1013: No.
vBallWarrior91: Well, you're fit. You gotta do something. You eat like a total maniac.
skyWatcher1013: I don't go in for team stuff.
skyWatcher1013: I run. And swim. And I do not eat like a maniac, Agent Krychocolate.
vBallWarrior91: LMAO!
vBallWarrior91: Hey, I really like that. :-)
vBallWarrior91: And mushrooms on a hot dog is maniacal. Should be illegal, Mulder.
skyWatcher1013: Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah, well, I just made myself hungry, so I guess I'll take that advice to heart. Or to stomach.
vBallWarrior91: Gonna fix a quick sandwich. You still be here?
skyWatcher1013: Sure.
vBallWarrior91: Actually decided on these frozen fish sticks. So I'll be back and forth.
skyWatcher1013: Okay then.
vBallWarrior91: Do you cook ever?
skyWatcher1013: Sure, I know how my oven works.
skyWatcher1013: Kind of.
vBallWarrior91: I don't do a lot of it myself. Easy stuff. But I can doctor just about anything to make it better. ;-)
skyWatcher1013: I mostly stick things in and forget they're there. Then I order takeout.
vBallWarrior91: LOL!
vBallWarrior91: Are you a pizza kind of a guy?
vBallWarrior91: Do they deliver on Easter?
skyWatcher1013: I know the ones that do.
vBallWarrior91: What toppings do you go for? Since you...switch it up.
skyWatcher1013: Depends on my mood.
skyWatcher1013: Today it's shrimp.
vBallWarrior91: Whoa. Yeah?
vBallWarrior91: Is that...a pagan thing?
vBallWarrior91: Or a Mulder thing?
skyWatcher1013: LOL...Mulder thing, I guess.
skyWatcher1013: It's awesome. You should try it.
vBallWarrior91: The...shrimp?
skyWatcher1013: Of course. What else?
vBallWarrior91: Nuthin'.
vBallWarrior91: I'll give it a try sometime.
vBallWarrior91: I like things a little wild.
skyWatcher1013: Like grinding coarse beach sand into your knees.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah. Like that.
vBallWarrior91: The smell of your sweat mixing with the salt off the ocean...
vBallWarrior91: Oven bell. ;-)
skyWatcher1013: You get off on the smell of your own sweat?
vBallWarrior91: Don't you?
skyWatcher1013: Can't say that I do.
vBallWarrior91: Maybe it's being a part of that team or something... I got used to that smell. And it meant something really good. It meant fun.
skyWatcher1013: I smell it when I run. Doesn't exactly mean fun, though.
vBallWarrior91: If it's not fun, why are you doing it?
skyWatcher1013: Loosens me up. Burns off tension. Keeps me in shape. Helps clear my head.
vBallWarrior91: All right. Sounds good.
vBallWarrior91: Do you have stuff like that you do for fun, though?
skyWatcher1013: I play basketball sometimes. Pick up games in the park or gym.
vBallWarrior91: That's team. Isn't it? And that's fun.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, it's team. Just not an established one, I guess. You play, you leave. No hassle.
vBallWarrior91: So you like to get together with the guys, play, get sweaty, then leave and go shower it all off?
skyWatcher1013: Uh, yeah, I guess.
vBallWarrior91: That's cool. So is it different guys each time?
skyWatcher1013: Mostly. I don't do it often enough to know them.
skyWatcher1013: There are some regulars I see show up from time to time that I vaguely recognize.
vBallWarrior91: So you like to do it with strangers.
skyWatcher1013: Play? Yeah, I guess I do.
vBallWarrior91: You have any favorites?
vBallWarrior91: Like a guy that's a really good point guard, or good defense to watch your back?
skyWatcher1013: No, I don't like my game to depend on anyone but me.
vBallWarrior91: So you...take charge.
skyWatcher1013: Of the game? No, I just don't expect anyone to carry me and I don't carry anyone.
vBallWarrior91: Equal ground. Yeah, but you still play off each other. Help each other out.
skyWatcher1013: During the game, yeah, but I don't like to feel obligated. Pressured to perform to someone else's standards.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah, but... Something like basketball, or volleyball, that's like...group sex. Not masturbation. Yeah, they're your standards, but your game gets them to the big O or not. They need you. And you need them.
skyWatcher1013: Group sex???
vBallWarrior91: It's just an analogy, Mulder.
skyWatcher1013: In group sex, you're more selfish than ever. Taking what you want from whomever you want. It's not about anybody but you. Everybody's just a tool.
skyWatcher1013: So it's a shitty analogy, Krycek.
vBallWarrior91: :-) All right....
vBallWarrior91: So, in the game, at some point it's you, with the ball, your back to the oppostion-guy's chest. You're sweating. You're panting. You have to score on him. You have to take it to the rim. It's one on one, then.
vBallWarrior91: Just you and this guy guarding that basket like it's his virginity.
skyWatcher1013: Well, since he's behind ME, it's more like me guarding that ball like it's MY cherry, Krycek.
vBallWarrior91: But he's defense. You're offense. That's just the rules. You're guarding your ball, he's guarding his rim, even if the positioning suggests otherwise.
skyWatcher1013: I'm trying to get it in, and he's trying to stop me. I'll concede that.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah? Thanks.
vBallWarrior91: So.
vBallWarrior91: Did I just score?
skyWatcher1013: Let's see. You made a move. I blocked. You made another, and I conceded.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, I guess you did.
vBallWarrior91: Still pretty damned satisfying. Even without the physical component. ;-)
skyWatcher1013: Don't get used to it.
vBallWarrior91: Don't worry. I won't. You're nearly always right. I'll savor the moment over here and make it last.
vBallWarrior91: So. Would you ever concede to play with me?
skyWatcher1013: One on one, you mean?
vBallWarrior91: Sure.
skyWatcher1013: I've never been much for that. Too intimate.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah, you didn't want me for a partner at first either.
skyWatcher1013: At first?
vBallWarrior91: LOL!
vBallWarrior91: C'mon Mulder. You know you like me. :-)
skyWatcher1013: You're tolerable.
vBallWarrior91: Is it my shitty coffee? 'Cause you know I don't have a lot to work with in the bullpen break room.
vBallWarrior91: You probably hate coffee, don't you? And you haven't even said anything. Just let me keep dousing you with Hills Brothers. ;-)
vBallWarrior91: You drink tea, don't you? That English thing. Got it from Oxford. Am I right?
skyWatcher1013: I'll drink coffee if it's around, but I guess I do prefer tea.
skyWatcher1013: Unless it's really primo coffee.
vBallWarrior91: So that's why I'm just rating tolerable, then? Fine. I'll bring in the good stuff from home. I've got primo stuff, you know. Smooth. Dark. Rich and wholly satisfying. Take your mind off tea for good.
skyWatcher1013: You can try.
vBallWarrior91: Tomorrow morning. Knock your socks off. Be ready.
skyWatcher1013: Oh I will.
vBallWarrior91: So did you get anything better than tea from across the pond? Besides your psych degree, that is.
skyWatcher1013: It was a very expansive experience to live there.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah. I'm sure. In what ways?
skyWatcher1013: They have a different take on things over there.
skyWatcher1013: Everything's not so black and white. Dirty and clean. Coffee and tea. ;-)
vBallWarrior91: Do tell.
skyWatcher1013: Ever been?
vBallWarrior91: Nope.
skyWatcher1013: Well, for instance, they don't have sports bars. Just bars. Some people there are into the sports, but some people have their nose in a book. And they coexist relatively peacably.
skyWatcher1013: Well, not bars. Pubs.
vBallWarrior91: Did you drink a lot of beer when you were there? Did you go out to pubs a lot, Mulder?
skyWatcher1013: There's a lot of variety over there. In beer. I'd be remiss if I didn't try to sample as much as I could while I had the chance.
vBallWarrior91: Oh, of course. Beer. The great equalizer between coffee and tea.
skyWatcher1013: Quite.
vBallWarrior91: ;-)
vBallWarrior91: So, Mulder...
vBallWarrior91: Did you party?
skyWatcher1013: I was young, thousands of miles from home where nobody knew my family story...yeah, you could say that.
vBallWarrior91: Got your nose out of the books for a while? Ease the tension of school unrestrained?
skyWatcher1013: Or sometimes even...restrained. ;-)
vBallWarrior91: Really.
skyWatcher1013: ::shrug::
vBallWarrior91: You don't actually remember if you were ever restrained or not? All that good UK beer?
skyWatcher1013: Oh I remember.
vBallWarrior91: Have you...ever told anybody else...before?
skyWatcher1013: Told who what?
vBallWarrior91: What you're hopefully about to tell me.
skyWatcher1013: LOL!
skyWatcher1013: People over there didn't have to be told.
vBallWarrior91: Because they were all there???
skyWatcher1013: No, they weren't all there, Krycek.
skyWatcher1013: But it was no secret.
vBallWarrior91: But it is here.
skyWatcher1013: I don't know. Is it?
vBallWarrior91: They're too busy calling you Spooky at the Academy... I think if they knew anything *this* good, that Spooky shit would just come to a complete and utter stop. ;-)
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, I had a different nickname over there.
vBallWarrior91: Oh really.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah.
vBallWarrior91: Am I supposed to guess now?
skyWatcher1013: Am I supposed to tell you?
vBallWarrior91: There's no illegal activity....right? Nothing I'd have to arrest you for, Agent Mulder?
skyWatcher1013: Statute of Limitations.
skyWatcher1013: And lack of jurisdiction, since it all happened over there.
vBallWarrior91: All right then. So where's the harm? Or is it that you think you'll shock me?
skyWatcher1013: What do I care if I shock you?
vBallWarrior91: You can't anyway. So I guess on that count, we're clear. So...
skyWatcher1013: Oh I can't, huh? You're that jaded, Krycek?
vBallWarrior91: I'm not jaded, Mulder.
skyWatcher1013: Just...cosmopolitan.
skyWatcher1013: Night 'n Day. That was my nickname.
vBallWarrior91: Night 'n Day?
skyWatcher1013: Yep.
vBallWarrior91: Can I take a stab?
skyWatcher1013: Poke away.
vBallWarrior91: By day: studious, quiet, reserved, bookish, smart, serious... But by night: let loose, sex fiend, tie me up, tie me down, 'I'll try anything once.'?
skyWatcher1013: Not bad, Agent Krycek.
vBallWarrior91: Why thank you. Do I rate higher than tolerable now despite the cheap coffee?
skyWatcher1013: Cheap, huh?
vBallWarrior91: Sometimes the cheap stuff's good. Sometimes...you gotta give it up. If you want the very best.
skyWatcher1013: I don't like to settle.
skyWatcher1013: The only time I'll drink the cheap stuff is if I'm too absorbed in something else to really notice what I'm tasting.
skyWatcher1013: Or I just need the buzz.
vBallWarrior91: Coffee can be good that way. The nearly infinite variety. And there's one for every mood. Sometimes, you don't need it to be beyond passable, as long as it's got caffeine and the caffeine gets you there.
skyWatcher1013: Exactly.
vBallWarrior91: So Mulder...
vBallWarrior91: You partied.
skyWatcher1013: We covered that.
vBallWarrior91: And you had a rep.
skyWatcher1013: Well, a nickname, anyway.
vBallWarrior91: A nickname. Sorry.
vBallWarrior91: I bet that whole studious-by-day thing really had them creaming to get at you at night.
skyWatcher1013: Some of them, yeah.
skyWatcher1013: The ones that were into the chase.
vBallWarrior91: There are ones who aren't?
skyWatcher1013: No, they all pretty much just wanted to play the game.
vBallWarrior91: The game?
skyWatcher1013: You know, see what's behind the glasses and elbow patches. Dirty up the squeaky-clean preppy boy.
vBallWarrior91: That's all they wanted?
skyWatcher1013: Pretty much. Most of them.
vBallWarrior91: Did you let them? I mean...is that what got you off, too?
skyWatcher1013: It was good to get away from being me on weekends, yeah.
vBallWarrior91: It didn't bother you? That it was a conquest?
skyWatcher1013: It's not like I was looking for marriage, either.
vBallWarrior91: That's a big fucking leap. Being used versus marriage. These were your options, Mulder?
skyWatcher1013: Looks that way to me.
vBallWarrior91: So...didn't you date? Or have any on-going relationships?
skyWatcher1013: Did you?
vBallWarrior91: Now who's evading?
skyWatcher1013: I always was.
vBallWarrior91: LOL!
vBallWarrior91: But this... This is loooooow.
skyWatcher1013: You care that much about my answer?
vBallWarrior91: Yeah. I think I do, Mulder.
skyWatcher1013: I had one.
skyWatcher1013: Ongoing relationship. Well, kind of on and off. For a couple of years.
vBallWarrior91: Why off?
vBallWarrior91: I'll answer your question up there later so we're even. Seem fair?
skyWatcher1013: Depends on your answer, I suppose.
vBallWarrior91: Why? It's all life. One way or the other. I won't be any less exposed.
skyWatcher1013: Sure you will. Or you might be. Who says what you'll be sharing is in any way painful for you?
skyWatcher1013: Hell, it might be your chance to show me what a hot little trick you were.
skyWatcher1013: To brag about your OWN conquests.
vBallWarrior91: Oh. Okay, I get it. You think I was the heart-breaker.
skyWatcher1013: I didn't say that.
skyWatcher1013: But I don't really know the first thing about YOU, do I? And you wanna know ALL about me.
vBallWarrior91: All right. You're right. It's only fair.
vBallWarrior91: You're right. I have always been popular with the 'chicks'. They've been kind of all over me since kindergarten.
vBallWarrior91: But I never broke any of their hearts. And they didn't break mine.
vBallWarrior91: Jason Bradley did.
skyWatcher1013: Oh yeah? When was this?
vBallWarrior91: First three years of college at SDSU.
skyWatcher1013: Three years?
vBallWarrior91: Yeah.
vBallWarrior91: He and I were best friends. On the team together.
vBallWarrior91: I kept thinking he'd turn around one day and say, "Why Alex, you're the one for me, let's grow old on a ranch." He didn't. Got married third year of college to a beautiful girl named Rebecca.
skyWatcher1013: Oh.
skyWatcher1013: Did you...love him, then?
vBallWarrior91: Thought I did. Very much. But it was more infatuation. A huge, motherfucking crush. I thought he was what I wanted...
vBallWarrior91: But if he'd actually dragged me off to a ranch, I would have left within the year.
skyWatcher1013: Some relationships are like that. Put there to get us to some next stage of understanding or growth or something. Not ever meant to be more.
vBallWarrior91: What I couldn't understand at the time, but what I get loud and clear *now*, is why he then quit talking to me. When he got married...
vBallWarrior91: He stayed on the team. Hell, he was at nationals. But once he had Rebecca...he could barely look me in the eye, much less be friends still.
vBallWarrior91: It hurt.
skyWatcher1013: So...why did he?
vBallWarrior91: I think a part of him thought he *should* take me to that ranch. Even though he was straight, loved his wife, wanted different things. He was a good enough friend to have wanted to be able to give me what I wanted.
vBallWarrior91: I'm over it. I would have gone crazy if he'd tried it with me. Thank God, you know?
skyWatcher1013: So...a ranch? That's what you want?
vBallWarrior91: No. LOL! I went through a late cowboy phase. ;-)
skyWatcher1013: Okay then. ;-0
skyWatcher1013: ;-) I mean
vBallWarrior91: Gotta watch those fingers, Mulder. Get you in trouble.
skyWatcher1013: It's very easy to imply something you really don't mean, with this medium.
vBallWarrior91: Are you? Implying things you don't mean?
skyWatcher1013: I don't intend to.
skyWatcher1013: So. Why off. That was your question. Right?
vBallWarrior91: Yes, but you don't owe me an answer, Mulder.
skyWatcher1013: So now you don't care anymore?
vBallWarrior91: I care. I just don't want it to be about, I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
skyWatcher1013: Why not? Isn't that the way it's done?
vBallWarrior91: I'm breaking those rules right now. If those are, in fact, the rules. Fuck 'em. You are not beholden to me just because I tell you about Jason Bradley for Christ's sake.
skyWatcher1013: I asked myself that, every time I caught her fucking around on me. Why. What was it that I wasn't giving her.
skyWatcher1013: Why wasn't I enough?
skyWatcher1013: So I'd give more. More time, more energy, more effort. More tears. More blood.
vBallWarrior91: Literally? About the blood?
skyWatcher1013: Yes.
vBallWarrior91: Okay. Go on. If you would.
skyWatcher1013: The more I gave, the more she seemed to distance herself.
skyWatcher1013: It was only when I would finally get fed up that she'd pursue ME for a little while.
skyWatcher1013: And I fell for it. Several times.
vBallWarrior91: I'd imagine it'd be hard not to. She sounds powerful.
skyWatcher1013: Extremely. I think she may have even used sex magick on me.
skyWatcher1013: I didn't really break her hold until I left the country.
skyWatcher1013: And really...not entirely even then.
vBallWarrior91: I call that a hook. When someone does that.
skyWatcher1013: Seems like too small a word.
vBallWarrior91: Big fuckin' hook.
skyWatcher1013: Steel bonds. Reinforced. Double-padlocked.
vBallWarrior91: Except you got out.
skyWatcher1013: Maybe.
vBallWarrior91: She's still coming around? You still drawn to her?
skyWatcher1013: She came around last year once. I nearly died. She probably brought herself off to that more than once.
vBallWarrior91: Do you still want her?
skyWatcher1013: I hate her. I'm terrified of her. Terrified of what I might do if she comes back.
vBallWarrior91: What do you think you might do, Mulder?
skyWatcher1013: Worst case scenario? Die.
skyWatcher1013: I don't just *think* she'd kill me, Alex. I'm pretty sure of it. If she ever got tired of playing me, that is. One last mindfuck and just take me out.
vBallWarrior91: Why would you let her back in, though?
skyWatcher1013: She's as close as I've ever gotten, I guess.
vBallWarrior91: You could have more.
vBallWarrior91: Mulder, you could have a *lot* more.
skyWatcher1013: Thanks Phil Donahue.
vBallWarrior91: What does he have to do with anything?
skyWatcher1013: He's a well-meaning guy full of fluffy pop psychology reassurances, too.
vBallWarrior91: Thanks a lot.
vBallWarrior91: Look. I understand. You're thinking about her, feeling that shitball of energy she is, and you're showing it to me. I can take it. I asked to know. And I still want to.
skyWatcher1013: She knows me. Like no one else does. Most people don't even scratch the surface. Just that freaks them out and they run screaming. She stays. And comes back for more.
vBallWarrior91: And you want that. No matter what.
skyWatcher1013: To be with someone who knows me? Yeah. I guess that's probably more important to me than anything.
vBallWarrior91: Even if they know you and then use what they know to destroy you.
skyWatcher1013: Well, that sucks, but...honestly? Yes. It's better than never being seen at all.
vBallWarrior91: Dammit Mulder!
skyWatcher1013: Do you know what it's like, Alex? To be invisible ALL the time? For people to either not see you at all or see whatever it is in you that serves their purpose at that moment?
skyWatcher1013: It's very helpful when you're in the field, trying to get the scoop.
skyWatcher1013: Feels like SHIT the rest of the time.
vBallWarrior91: You sit there, though, and you tell me you don't settle. And then I hear you tell me you're willing to settle for a partner who will use what they know of the real you that they see to take you OUT...
vBallWarrior91: That this is what you'll take and take and take some more without ever saying, fuck you NO!
vBallWarrior91: Well FUCK that!
vBallWarrior91: Fuck all of it!
skyWatcher1013: Do you KNOW what a fucking RELIEF it is just to have someone SEE ME??? Even if that means they target in and slice me to shreds? That moment when I know they're looking at ME??? It's like...BREATHING!!!
vBallWarrior91: If she really saw you, Mulder, she would NEVER have been able to do that to you.
skyWatcher1013: That shit's not about me, it's about her.
skyWatcher1013: She does that to everybody.
vBallWarrior91: Yeah well what do YOU do, huh?? If who you ARE is this BEACON saying fuck me over!! If that's not her, if that's you, what are you doing sitting here telling ME about it for? DON'T DO IT! Please!
vBallWarrior91: FUCK
vBallWarrior91: need a minute
skyWatcher1013: I'm NOT sitting here saying Fuck me over! I'm saying fucking SEE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if, when you see me, it makes you want to destroy me, then SO FUCKING BE IT! AT LEAST YOU SEE ME!!!
vBallWarrior91: Just say see me and love me. Please, Mulder. Tell me why that's not an option?
skyWatcher1013: Too much to ask.
vBallWarrior91: Do you care that I'm gay?
skyWatcher1013: What???
vBallWarrior91: Answer it. I'm gay, Mulder. Do you care?
skyWatcher1013: In what way???
vBallWarrior91: In the way that it's going to now make you feel really uncomfortable around me and make you want to get yourself a new partner.
skyWatcher1013: Jesus Christ, no.
vBallWarrior91: All right then. That's good. I'm gay and you SEE that and it's good that you don't have a problem with it because if you did, *I'd* get a new partner! It's NOT enough that you see me, Mulder.
vBallWarrior91: Not if you're just going to kill me for what I am.
skyWatcher1013: Have you ever had someone love you who you KNOW didn't see YOU?
vBallWarrior91: That is SO not the point, Mulder!
skyWatcher1013: Someone who loved the sweet, sexy, hot little straight boy?
vBallWarrior91: What do you mean?
skyWatcher1013: I mean, have you ever had someone just adore you...for something you are NOT.
vBallWarrior91: Yes, definitely, until I came out, sure.
skyWatcher1013: How'd that feel, huh?
vBallWarrior91: Like complete and utter shit, Mulder. Of course it did. But the answer isn't to just raise the bar a little higher. What's the point in that??
skyWatcher1013: My point is that I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
skyWatcher1013: How about you?
vBallWarrior91: Since when do you just see the black and white? The dirty and clean? The coffee and tea? There is a THIRD OPTION. TAKE IT!
skyWatcher1013: If I can't even get the ONE option, how the FUCK am I supposed to take the third????
skyWatcher1013: Alex, NOBODY sees me. NO ONE ever has.
skyWatcher1013: I used to spend HOURS in the same room with my parents while they fought.
skyWatcher1013: They'd say all kinds of shit...stuff they'd NEVER say in front of me...they didn't even know I was THERE!
skyWatcher1013: My mother wouldn't even feed me! She'd grab food and stuff in her mouth while she yelled at my father!
skyWatcher1013: The only time my father EVER saw me when when I got in the way of his fucking TV!!!!
skyWatcher1013: I'd leave sometimes OVER NIGHT and come back mid the next day and NEVER BE MISSED!
skyWatcher1013: I'm surprised my mother doesn't forget my fucking NAME!
skyWatcher1013: SO YES! IF IT MEANS I TAKE A KNIFE TO THE HEART, I WANT TO BE SEEN!!!!
skyWatcher1013: Sorry if that makes me a fucking LOON!
vBallWarrior91: I didn't fucking say that.
vBallWarrior91: DON'T lump me in with the ones who don't see you or see whatever the fuck they want to.
skyWatcher1013: You think you see me now?
vBallWarrior91: I think I see what you'll let me see, yes. Am I done? No! Of course not. Or am I?
skyWatcher1013: You wanna see more?
vBallWarrior91: Yes. I do.
skyWatcher1013: All right then. What do you wanna see? What else do you wanna know?
vBallWarrior91: Everything. Where do you wanna start?
skyWatcher1013: Oh come on. You know where you wanna start.
vBallWarrior91: All right.
vBallWarrior91: Those 'people' in England. The ones you partied with...that you let use you. The ones that got you off. Were they always women?
skyWatcher1013: I used them, too, you know.
vBallWarrior91: All right. I *see* that. I do.
vBallWarrior91: Now answer.
skyWatcher1013: Sometimes it was a pretty girl down there and sometimes it was a pretty boy.
skyWatcher1013: A few times it was both.
vBallWarrior91: Would you term yourself bi-curious then?
skyWatcher1013: No, I would not.
skyWatcher1013: My curiosity has been well-sated.
skyWatcher1013: I know what it feels like to sink my dick into a warm, willing male mouth or have a hot, calloused male hand jack me off. I don't have to be curious anymore.
vBallWarrior91: Anybody ever tell you you're a tease?
skyWatcher1013: You wouldn't be able to count that high.
vBallWarrior91: Well, I'm guessing that you probably wouldn't normally 'term' yourself at all, which doesn't help me one bit, so...
vBallWarrior91: I guess I'll put it this way. Can you see yourself having same-sex sexual encounters again at some point? (You're making me sound like some OPR board reviewing an agent on his sexual conduct. I hope that makes you happy.)
skyWatcher1013: Oh for God's sake, Alex. I think you're fucking beautiful and I imagine fucking your mouth several times every fucking day. Is that, perchance, what you were getting around to?
skyWatcher1013: Well, Agent Krycek?
vBallWarrior91: That was fifteen questions down if at all, Mulder. I...guess I thought I'd have a few months of seduction to undergo to get far enough for you to even say that.
skyWatcher1013: Yeah, well, you don't know the first thing about me.
vBallWarrior91: I'm starting to see that. Among other things. Um...you actually see yourself *fucking* my mouth? Several times? A day?
skyWatcher1013: Yes.
skyWatcher1013: I never fucked any of the boys, just let them suck me off or jack me. I jacked some of them off, but never sucked them. I don't have any desire to get fucked, but I wouldn't mind fucking a man.
skyWatcher1013: So.
vBallWarrior91: Uh, yeah?
skyWatcher1013: Is that what you want? For me to fuck you? Shall we just get to it?
vBallWarrior91: Mulder... Um, I don't want this to come out wrong. But no. I mean, yes. I want you to fuck me. Several times a day. But...that's certainly not *all* I want. Not by a longshot. And not yet.
skyWatcher1013: And *I'm* a tease???
vBallWarrior91: I'd rather be a tease than a one night stand with my own partner, Mulder.
vBallWarrior91: Is that what *you* want?
skyWatcher1013: I think I've made it excruciatingly clear what I want.
vBallWarrior91: Wasn't excruciating on my end. Breath-taking. You laid yourself out raw. I know that. I'm not going to grind you into the earth to dust for it. I want you. I want everything you want. Maybe...definitely...more than you expect.
skyWatcher1013: You're being cryptic.
vBallWarrior91: I want you. I want to suck your cock, and I want to jack you off, and I want you to fuck me. I *don't* want a one night stand. I don't want a fling. I don't want to use you or be used.
vBallWarrior91: I've wanted you since I first saw you and you wouldn't shake my damned hand.
skyWatcher1013: You didn't even know me. You wanted my body. You sure as HELL didn't want ME.
vBallWarrior91: YES! I wanted your body! Fuck, I can't help that!
vBallWarrior91: But I did know you. I knew things about you *you'd* probably forgotten. I knew you started wetting the bed after Samantha was taken and you did it until you were fourteen.
vBallWarrior91: I knew you flunked art in high school in order not to have to draw the assignment: self-portrait.
vBallWarrior91: I knew you lost your virginity to a professor in college your freshman year.
vBallWarrior91: I knew so many painful, wonderful facts about you, Mulder. Facts they handed over in a thick dossier that I read over probably six times.
vBallWarrior91: So when I looked at you, looking up at me, not shaking my hand...I saw a little boy so ridden with fear and guilt he couldn't control his bladder. And I started to hate them. I hated them from the start.
vBallWarrior91: Because I didn't deserve to know you. To SEE you, Mulder. I was sent in to fulfill a prophecy you yourself have condemned yourself to.
vBallWarrior91: To see you. And then to rend you for it.
vBallWarrior91: I see you.
vBallWarrior91: And I'm NOT going to hurt you. I'll die first.
skyWatcher1013: So...what does that mean, then.
vBallWarrior91: I think it means I'm up shit creek, Mulder.
vBallWarrior91: And I don't care.
vBallWarrior91: All I care about right now is not doing to you what they've all done.
vBallWarrior91: I care about coming out...full diclosure...and taking whatever heat for that you have to give me.
vBallWarrior91: I care about doing this right for you and for me. For something I see that could be fucking amazing.
skyWatcher1013: Something?
vBallWarrior91: Our partnership, first of all.
skyWatcher1013: You mean a REAL partnership.
vBallWarrior91: Yes. A real one.
skyWatcher1013: And...second of all?
vBallWarrior91: There's not a word. There's no noun for this...
vBallWarrior91: This fucking chemistry between us. The lightning. The connection that made me want to IM you on Easter because I couldn't wait for Monday...
vBallWarrior91: You said something...way up there...about potential.
skyWatcher1013: Hidden potential. Unknowns.
vBallWarrior91: Our hidden potential. Our something amazing. More than partners. More than I can see in front of me with my eyes but something I can sense right there...in the atoms between you and me.
vBallWarrior91: Tell me you FEEEEEL that?!
skyWatcher1013: Yeah.
skyWatcher1013: I do.
skyWatcher1013: So. Alex. I haven't eaten in several hours, and this shrimp pizza went bad a long time ago, and I didn't think to pick up any chocolate bunnies before Rite Aid ran out...
skyWatcher1013: Do you think maybe you could...bring one of those by? If you haven't eaten them all already?
vBallWarrior91: I will scour the house for a bunny for you, Mulder.
skyWatcher1013: Or we can just blow up some peeps.
vBallWarrior91: Happy Ostara, Mulder.
skyWatcher1013: Happy Ostara. :-)
Happy Ostara, everyone!