Faux Scully
DScullyFBIMD: Mulder? Are you all right? Where are you?by Satina and Shannon
Date First Posted: 3/06/05Rating: R * Pairing: M/K friendship?
Archive Permissions: Freely given, but please use HTML format to preserve the IM quality.
Disclaimers: Mulder and Krycek are not my characters. They belong to Fox and Chris Carter.
Summary:
Mulder is p*ssed at Scully and has gone on vacation after the events of The Beginning, in which Scully states that she saw nothing and there was no ship, no aliens, etc. Mulder's whereabouts are unknown. Krycek gets a hold of an old screenname of Scully's and, not knowing what's gone on between them, thinks it would be a good way to approach Mulder and find out where's he's gone and what he's up to. He's wrong.
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DScullyFBIMD: Mulder? I'm really worried! Are you there?mostUnwantedX1: What do you want, Scully?
DScullyFBIMD: What do you mean? You disappeared. I was worried about you. I just want to know where you are.
mostUnwantedX1: Don't worry about me.
DScullyFBIMD: How can you say that when I don't know what's happened?
mostUnwantedX1: I'm fine.
DScullyFBIMD: I don't believe you.
DScullyFBIMD: Please, just tell me where you are.
DScullyFBIMD: I'm your partner.
mostUnwantedX1: You don't believe me. Yeah, well, I really don't give a damn anymore, Scully.
DScullyFBIMD: What???
mostUnwantedX1: I don't care. I don't know why I expected more from you, but I did. Not anymore. I get it.
mostUnwantedX1: Now just leave me alone.
DScullyFBIMD: More from me? Mulder... I'm sorry. About...what happened. Can't you just tell me where you are?
mostUnwantedX1: No.
DScullyFBIMD: But I care about you. I just want to know you're safe.
mostUnwantedX1: I'm safe. Now go away.
DScullyFBIMD: Mulder, what's gotten into you? Whatever it is, I know we can work it out. We're partners!
mostUnwantedX1: God, really, Scully? Ya think so? Because I don't think that's really how 'partners' back one another up.
DScullyFBIMD: I, uh, I'm really sorry. About that. And everything that's happened. If you just tell me where you are, I can join you or at least call you and we could talk.
mostUnwantedX1: Leave. Me. Alone.
mostUnwantedX1: What do you need from me, huh? Is Kersh harassing you or something? Want me to come scare away the big, bad boss-man?
mostUnwantedX1: You can handle him, Scully. Just kiss his ass. You've had plenty of practice.
DScullyFBIMD: Mulder! I don't know what to say... Isn't there some way we can work this out? This is me. Scully. We're a team! Can't you just tell me where you are? Please?
mostUnwantedX1: A TEAM???
mostUnwantedX1: You don't need me, Scully. They love you. You love them. Why don't you just go file something.
DScullyFBIMD: I'm pretty sure I don't love them, Mulder. File something? It's me. I'm with you in this. Aren't I? What do you want me to say?
mostUnwantedX1: You're with me? Cuz I would think someone that was WITH me would have SEEN what I saw! I thought you were with me, Scully, but evidently I was wrong.
mostUnwantedX1: I have no idea WHERE the hell you were, but it was NOT WITH ME!
DScullyFBIMD: Seen what you saw? Well, I'm sorry that I didn't...see it. I don't know what to tell you. I'll make more of an effort to see those types of things.
DScullyFBIMD: :-)
mostUnwantedX1: What??
DScullyFBIMD: I'll, uh, be more...observant.
mostUnwantedX1: What the hell are you talking about?
DScullyFBIMD: I just want to do whatever it takes to...make it up to you. If you just tell me where you are, I'll feel better. Don't you care how I feel, Mulder?
mostUnwantedX1: What? Care how YOU feel? I saved your damned frozen ass, Scully! I told you how much I needed you! What the hell more do you want from me???
DScullyFBIMD: I'm really grateful that you...saved me, Mulder. I thought I told you that already. And I need you, too. That's what I came on here to say. That I need you. And I'd really like to know where you are.
mostUnwantedX1: Oh, you NEED me, do you? That wasn't enough for you? You don't NEED me, Scully! You need GLASSES!
mostUnwantedX1: You know what? Just leave me alone. I've been drinking and I'm talking shit and I know I'm going to regret this whole thing tomorrow.
DScullyFBIMD: Whatever it is that's wrong between us, and I do know what's wrong I just... I want to work it out. That's what partners do. We can work this out. Apparently, I've really let you down. But that's not like me. Is it?? I'm a good partner usually. Right? Sure I'm scientific and have trouble believing. But I have your back, right? I'm the one you can count on most.
DScullyFBIMD: So how about an address?
mostUnwantedX1: Scully listen. You and I have been through a lot. But I really need some time away.
mostUnwantedX1: And if this is about that kiss, just...forget it. I'm sorry. It was stupid. Very stupid. Very, very, very stupid.
DScullyFBIMD: No, um...I liked it. I think. I mean, it was...fine. Really.
mostUnwantedX1: Scully, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
DScullyFBIMD: I'm sorry! Jesus, what do you WANT?
mostUnwantedX1: What do I WANT? God, Scully, I told you! Just leave me alone! I'm sorry I said the things I did, and I'm really, really sorry I DID what I almost did! I was upset! I was scared, all right?
mostUnwantedX1: Yeah, pathetic, needy Mulder was scared you were gonna leave him all alone and he'd have to do everything himself!
mostUnwantedX1: Well guess what, Scully?? There are WORSE WAYS to be alone!
mostUnwantedX1: Like your partner screwing you in front of the entire review panel!
mostUnwantedX1: Like your partner completely ignoring hard evidence in favor of keeping her worldview intact and cozy!
mostUnwantedX1: THAT'S ALONE!
mostUnwantedX1: That is what I am, and what I WANT TO BE!
mostUnwantedX1: So Goddamn it, Scully, just LEAVE ME ALONE!
DScullyFBIMD: Wow. I would've had better luck if I'd signed on as Alex Krycek.
mostUnwantedX1: Oh God, not that again.
DScullyFBIMD: Again??
mostUnwantedX1: Just because I can't remember what happened doesn't mean he wasn't legitimately trying to help me.
mostUnwantedX1: What, are you jealous??
DScullyFBIMD: I'm not jealous. I have no reason to be jealous of that...maggot. Do I?
mostUnwantedX1: Well I dunno, Scully...his kiss DID land on target, now didn't it?
mostUnwantedX1: Unlike mine.
mostUnwantedX1: C'mon, surely you must have more to say about THAT. I saw the look on your face, Scully, when I finally told you. The migraine look. Go ahead. Let me have it. I really don't care anymore.
DScullyFBIMD: Migraine look? I don't know what you're talking about.
mostUnwantedX1: That, "Oh God, Mulder please just be normal for ONCE!" look. The one that makes your face pinch up. Along with the, "Oh God, Mulder, don't make me put you in a straight-jacket again." look.
mostUnwantedX1: Oh that was fun, by the way. I can't believe you actually lied to me, Scully. Deny the truth, to them, yes, but you LIED, Scully! And it nearly got me KILLED!
DScullyFBIMD: I...I'm...really, REALLY sorry. I...don't know what got into me.
mostUnwantedX1: Well, not four-inch tentacle-fangs, cuz that's what nearly got into ME!
DScullyFBIMD: That...sucks. But I knew that. And if I hadn't apologized before, I really should have. I guess I haven't been the partner you deserve. No matter what it looks like on the outside to everybody else. But that doesn't mean Krycek's not a...jerk.
mostUnwantedX1: God, Krycek again? What is it with you and him? You really ARE jealous, aren't you? Are you afraid that now that you've turned your back on me he can swoop in and snatch me up again?
DScullyFBIMD: Could he?
mostUnwantedX1: Oh, what, are you gonna report me now for consorting with the enemy? Still making your notes, Scully?
DScullyFBIMD: No! I'm just trying to understand you, Mulder. I just want to fix things. But about Krycek, what is it with you and him anyway? Why *do* you consort with him? What's he got that I don't, Mulder?
mostUnwantedX1: How can you even ask me that NOW? When YOU'VE totally betrayed me and he's given me the only KEYS I've had in ages!
mostUnwantedX1: Scully, HE is the one who stole that damned vaccine that saved your life!
DScullyFBIMD: You know that??
mostUnwantedX1: I'm pretty damned sure, yeah. It came from the British guy, and from what Krycek said, I think he was working for the British guy when he came to see me.
mostUnwantedX1: Who else could it be? We both know he had an 'in' to the gulag to steal it.
mostUnwantedX1: Yeah, so maybe you owe your LIFE to Alex Krycek, Scully. Me 'n Alex. I hope that doesn't make you feel too DIRTY. As dirty as you obviously think I am. Dirty and crazy, that is.
DScullyFBIMD: Dirty... Um... I had no idea you felt that way. About...Alex. Maybe you want *him* to be your partner now. Is that how it is?
mostUnwantedX1: I'll bet HE wouldn't deny seeing the ship.
mostUnwantedX1: Especially if I'd just saved his ASS from being ON it and almost being turned into food for a gestating alien!
DScullyFBIMD: I...don't know what to say.
mostUnwantedX1: Say you saw it. Say you remember them. Say it, damn it! Tell me you saw it all! Then tell THEM! Back me up! Stop HELPING them build the case against me, for god's sake!
DScullyFBIMD: Wow, what a BITCH!
DScullyFBIMD: I thought this would be EASIER! Piece of cake! Steal Scully's screen name, find out where you are, what you're up to, get the scoop but FUCK! What the fucking hell happened between you two? Silly me, I thought she was the GOOD GUY! Mulder... In case this hasn't become abundantly clear, this is Krycek, and I just have to ask. What the fuck?
mostUnwantedX1: Ohhhhhh shit.
DScullyFBIMD: I'll say! This is some pretty fucked up shit you've got going on here! I thought I had an *in*. But I come on and get lambasted worse than if I just IMed with the screen name bastardgonnafuckuover and ASKED you to ream me out!
DScullyFBIMD: Damn!
mostUnwantedX1: God.
DScullyFBIMD: Uh, yeah!
mostUnwantedX1: Shit, just...what do you want, Krycek?
DScullyFBIMD: Give me your FUCKING ADDRESS!
DScullyFBIMD: Shit, it's all I wanted! Is that so HARD??? Apparently! Since I signed on as the Preying Mantis Demon Queen from HELL!
mostUnwantedX1: Go away.
DScullyFBIMD: Now?? No way! Are you SHITTING me? Look, I still don't know exactly what the hell happened with you and Scully. Sounds gnarly. But I *do* know that I *would* have had better luck just coming to you as myself. I should have.
mostUnwantedX1: Yeah, probably.
DScullyFBIMD: Well, hell. Wanna start over?
DScullyFBIMD: Okay, cool. Fine. So Mulder, where the fuck are you and what are you into? Can I be of assistance?
mostUnwantedX1: A hundred miles from nowhere, a case of Corona, and no, I'm doing fine on my own.
DScullyFBIMD: Pfffff! Yeah, right, Mulder! Come on. You said yourself, I believe. Whatever it is, I'll see it. So come on. Show it to me. I can take it. ;-)
mostUnwantedX1: Sorry, Krycek. Just me and some beer. I've got nothing.
DScullyFBIMD: Really? No case? No XF?
mostUnwantedX1: Told you. Case of Corona. No X-File. No proof, no record, no backup, no credibility.
mostUnwantedX1: Nada.
mostUnwantedX1: Zip.
mostUnwantedX1: Zilch.
mostUnwantedX1: NOTHING.
DScullyFBIMD: Well, where are you? Maybe I could find someplace near you with some action? There's a UFO in the sky anytime SOMEwhere. Come on. Cough it up.
mostUnwantedX1: Am I just your favorite game, Krycek? Don't you have anything better to do?
DScullyFBIMD: I'm not trying to fuck you over or anything. Don't you wanna play?
mostUnwantedX1: Oh, so now I'm just supposed to believe you when you tell me you're not trying to fuck me over.
DScullyFBIMD: Only so far as it can get you what you want. Everything's a risk. It just depends on whether you think I'm worth it. If I come through for you...could rock your world.
mostUnwantedX1: I'll bet.
DScullyFBIMD: Or we could just sit back, feet up, shoot the shit, and have some beers. Still need to know where you are, though.
mostUnwantedX1: Why would I wanna drink with you?
DScullyFBIMD: Becaaaauuuuuse, when I drink, I get very...loquatious. If you know what I mean.
mostUnwantedX1: You do, huh.
DScullyFBIMD: Yep. I get very mouthy. I'm a real squealer.
mostUnwantedX1: I don't doubt that.
DScullyFBIMD: So? Beers and a little pleasant, informative conversation? Or bright lights in the sky coming to a tiny, podunk town near you?
mostUnwantedX1: Why?
DScullyFBIMD: Oh Mulder. MulderMulderMulder. It's FUN!!! And I can help you. And if I help you, I get helped in return. It's a beautiful thing. Wish I'd seen it sooner. Bet you wish I had, too.
mostUnwantedX1: How can I help you?
DScullyFBIMD: You have access to information I don't. Like what a bitch Scully is for starters, fuck! Or on your new boss? Things like that. No biggie.
mostUnwantedX1: Oh god.
mostUnwantedX1: I just realized I *didn't* actually say all that to Scully.
DScullyFBIMD: So you gotta do it all over again?
DScullyFBIMD: That sucks, man.
mostUnwantedX1: Shut up, Krycek.
DScullyFBIMD: I thought you liked me mouthy. Or is that only when you can mess up my hair?
mostUnwantedX1: Oh god.
DScullyFBIMD: Am I giving you a headache?
mostUnwantedX1: YES.
DScullyFBIMD: Oh, but Scully started it.
mostUnwantedX1: Oh my fucking god.
DScullyFBIMD: Now see...wouldn't it just be *easier* to get together and get toasted? It won't hurt quite as much or be nearly as nauseating for you. I really want this to be as painless as possible for you, Mulder.
mostUnwantedX1: Yeah, I'm sure.
mostUnwantedX1: It's alllllll about me, isn't it.
DScullyFBIMD: I didn't say that. I *want* to jet on over and share some brews! Haven't had a good boys' night out in a while. Hey, you got porn where you are?
mostUnwantedX1: Oh my god.
DScullyFBIMD: It's okay. You can tell me. I ain't Scully anymore. ;-)
mostUnwantedX1: Then quit creeping me out with that screenname.
DScullyFBIMD: You want me to sign off? Tell me where you are, then.
mostUnwantedX1: No way.
DScullyFBIMD: Muulllllderrrrrr...
DScullyFBIMD: :'(
mostUnwantedX1: You little fuck.
DScullyFBIMD: :-D
mostUnwantedX1: All I wanted was some peace and quiet. Time to lick my wounds. Regroup. Regenerate. No trouble, just some quality Mulder-time.
DScullyFBIMD: Well, that little bitch-fest you had earlier oughta help with things! Don't you feel better? Don't you feel...rejuvenated? Refreshed? Or does it not count 'cause it was just yer good buddy Krycek?
mostUnwantedX1: Oh, thank god.
DScullyFBIMD: Is that...sarcasm??? =:-0
mostUnwantedX1: No, actually.
mostUnwantedX1: I'm just really realizing what *almost* happened. What I thought I had done.
DScullyFBIMD: So, what? You're NOT gonna go off on her?? After all you said she DID to you up there?? So...*I* get beatings. *She* gets a free pass to keep doing it?? That's fucked up, brother. That is fucked. Up.
DScullyFBIMD: Mulder.
DScullyFBIMD: Hey Mulder.
DScullyFBIMD: Look, I deserved the beatings. It's not that. This ain't no guilt trip. I just think...well, you were really *pissed* up there, and it seems like you have a right to be. Maybe... I don't know. It just seems like you can't let that shit go, man.
mostUnwantedX1: You know, I'm not just gonna trade her in for * you*, Krycek.
<>DScullyFBIMD: Pfffff! I don't want back in those disgusting suits! I don't want to take her place. At the FBI. But maybe someone should. If she's that bad for you.mostUnwantedX1: Maybe.
DScullyFBIMD: Maybe? You... Seriously?
mostUnwantedX1: I don't know. Maybe. If she can't even back me up on the work.
mostUnwantedX1: Guess I figured with my *luck* at getting new partners, she was the lesser of two evils.
DScullyFBIMD: Am I really that evil anymore?
DScullyFBIMD: Don't answer that.
DScullyFBIMD: You said it yourself. "...he's given me the only KEYS I've had in ages! Scully, HE is the one who stole that damned vaccine that saved your life! Yeah, so maybe you owe your LIFE to Alex Krycek, Scully. Me 'n Alex."
DScullyFBIMD: :-D
mostUnwantedX1: Oh GOD.
DScullyFBIMD: It has a ring.... Me n' Alex. Of course just *personally* I prefer Alex n' Me. Or even Me n' Mulder. Something like that...
DScullyFBIMD: What?
DScullyFBIMD: You gotta admit...if you could actually trust me? We'd have a fuckin' blast!
mostUnwantedX1: Pretty BIG fucking IF, Alex!
mostUnwantedX1: You lying little shit!
DScullyFBIMD: I gave you Weikamp. And you're right that the vaccine I stole saved your partner. I *have* been a lying shit, a murderer, a coward, everything you've seen fit to punch me for. I'm serious here. I mean it. I know it could be...would be...so much better...if hadn't.
DScullyFBIMD: Whether or not it *will* be is up to you, Mulder. You have no real reason to trust me. You have to decide if you have reason enough to take the risk. But I'm hoping you do. Because knowing you want to really does something to me.
mostUnwantedX1: Oh yeah?
DScullyFBIMD: Oh yeah.
mostUnwantedX1: I'll bet. I can just see you rubbing your greedy little conniving hands together.
DScullyFBIMD: No. I'm not. (And it's hand now, Mulder.) I want things to be different. Bringing you Weikamp... That felt good.
mostUnwantedX1: Shoulda come with me.
mostUnwantedX1: Scully stayed in the car.
DScullyFBIMD: I'm sorry I didn't. I was ready to come with you tonight. Anywhere. If you wanted me.
DScullyFBIMD: I *am* ready.
mostUnwantedX1: I honestly don't have anything, Krycek. I haven't even showered in days.
DScullyFBIMD: Yeesh. But...you do still have beer...right?
mostUnwantedX1: LOL!
DScullyFBIMD: 'Cause that's enough. Showers are for wimps. ;-)
mostUnwantedX1: Krycek, if I end up regretting this, I *will* shoot you in the balls.
DScullyFBIMD: I'll pull my pants down and close my eyes.
DScullyFBIMD: So... Do you trust me far enough to share your beer?
mostUnwantedX1: Fuck it. Sure. Why the hell not.
DScullyFBIMD: You did say Corona, right? This leads me to assume you already have lime and salt?
mostUnwantedX1: They were out. >:-X
DScullyFBIMD: Ahhhh, well that's a tragedy. I'll just have to pick some up on my way out to.... ?
mostUnwantedX1: Duck Beach. North Carolina.
DScullyFBIMD: Yeah? :-) Cool.
DScullyFBIMD: You gonna give me an exact address or just send up flares?
mostUnwantedX1: You could probably follow the smell.
DScullyFBIMD: LOL!
mostUnwantedX1: I'm at the Sands Inn. Room 12.
DScullyFBIMD: I think I know the place. 'Bout three hours going the speed limit, right?
mostUnwantedX1: Wouldn't know. I never do.
DScullyFBIMD: I'm a criminal, Mulder. I'm wanted. I obey every law I can. 8-)
DScullyFBIMD: See you soon. Keep one cold for me. And you don't have to shower. I don't mind a little stink. ;-)
mostUnwantedX1: Sick little freak.
DScullyFBIMD: You have no idea.
END